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hello. in need of advice.UPDATE


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 22nd, 2011, 04:15 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CT
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i am 37 yrs old. divorcee. my bf and i have been off/on for 2 yrs. i have 4 children: 16, 13, 8 and 6. bf is 47 w. 2 children: 17 and 12. he will not commit to me. period. my lmp was 10.01.10. i dont know how far along i am, havent been to a doc. truth is, honestly, we have been considering abortion. bf does not discuss the pg w/me at all except to ask if i have made the apt. :..( I am NOT sure what I want. I just know I am running out of time. he isn't supportive if i keep it. Idk what to do. so I am here to seek advice. Thanks.*;* ITS TOO LATE FOR ABORTION. JUST CALLED AND ASKED PLANNED PARENTHOOD. GUESS I AM MAKING MY OB APT.

Last edited by ohbaby37; January 24th, 2011 at 06:33 AM.
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  #2  
January 22nd, 2011, 04:44 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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Location: CT
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plz dont judge me. i am really worried that i wont be able to do this and have another baby! i am scared. i cant get my bf to open up to me. but when we are out and see a baby, he smiles and gets lost 4 a min. when i look him in the eyes: we both know what he is feeling. but he wont say it. he just says its up to me. my kids see how hard i struggle and idk what a new baby would do to them. my bf gave me his half of ab money weeks ago. but i cant bring myself to go to the clinic. i am so confused. my family and friends will be so disappointed in me. i am showing but i hide it w. big coats and sweatshirts. thank God for winter. sigh. i am in turmoil.
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  #3  
January 22nd, 2011, 05:38 PM
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hello...i don't usually post here, but happen to read your story.

a few questions:

where will it leave you financially and emotionally if you decide to keep baby?

what will it do to you emotionally to terminate the pregnancy?

have you considered adoption?

10/1/10 means you are about 16 weeks pregnant? at that point, i assume that pretty much means you are keeping the baby? it sounds as if you've made up your mind, regardless of the timeframe. it's your decision, but i would think you should communicate that to the father of the baby and begin to put a "plan" in motion...one that includes and one that excludes him (just in case).
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  #4  
January 22nd, 2011, 08:22 PM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well...depending on your state you can't electivly abort after 12 to 16 weeks. So it sounds like you've waited it out so you "can't" abort. You really just should come clean with your BF and tell him that you aren't going to do it. It really will be the best thing for everyone involved.That way you can both come to terms with being parents again and you can be taking proper care of yourself and your baby.
If you still don't think you can handle another child consider adoption. That way you would be helping someone that really wants a child and you would have the benifit in knowing that you've done something wonderful for someone else.
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  #5  
January 22nd, 2011, 11:56 PM
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when i found out i was pregnant i was only 18 and was no way near ready. i had an app booked to have an abortion but never went, i just couldnt do it. i think babies are given to people who can handle it otherwise god would never have given that baby to you, for all you women out there trying gods picking an extra special one just for you. you will make it work with new edition to your family and the baby will be loved goodluck to you it will all be worth it
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  #6  
January 23rd, 2011, 06:36 AM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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Im not sure where it would leave me financially. Not any better off than I am. Look, I didnt just wait and I havent been "hiding" anything from bf. he knows I have been torn. I am having a very hard time with abortion. I just cant bring myself to do it. Work, kids, life: is what made the 16 wks go by. That and my reluctance to have an abortion. bf isnt talking to me. whenever i mention the baby, he says: its up to you. do what you want. And i have a feeling do what i want means its MY problem, not his.
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  #7  
January 23rd, 2011, 10:30 AM
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Now, this is only my own opinion, everyone will have her own, and feel free to call me an idiot, if you like. I'm pro-choice, but my thought is that if you really wanted the abortion, you would have gone for it already. If you're so unsure about it that you haven't even gone in for an appointment to talk to a doctor about the options, then it's probably not something that you'll be okay with at any point. That said, the fact that your BF is acting as though the situation is your problem to handle as you choose is ridiculous. Responsibility to any child is 50/50, including the decision to keep, terminate, or adopt. You should sit down with him, have the talk that he seems to be too childish for and set up a plan. I think you might be too late to terminate, but if the option is still there and you BOTH choose that, then do it. If you choose adoption, then start getting information on that route. And, if you choose to keep the baby, figure out if he will stay in the picture. Also, remind him that he is and always will be 50% responsible for that child, but it's up to him to decide how exactly he wants to be responsible. If he wants to leave, then he can certainly be 50% responsible by way of child support alone. You didn't conceive the baby by yourself, nor should you have to take care of the baby by yourself.
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  #8  
January 23rd, 2011, 02:00 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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Ty Annie. i am going to try and talk to him tonite. Idk how its gonna go. I think we will be off again after this talk. and i am going to mention that he is making me feel very alone. And i didnt do this alone. I honestly dont think i can go thro with abortion. Bf had basically thrown 300 bux at me and told me to let him know when it was done. that was in nov. he knows i am still pg. he just doesnt bring it up. Im not sure how he feels except indifferent. i will keep you posted on how it goes. hoping for good things.
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  #9  
January 23rd, 2011, 02:06 PM
DramaFreeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First off, . No one will judge you here. Don't be afraid to ask for advice.

I agree with what all the ladies above have said. It sounds to me like you waited because you don't want to terminate the pregnancy. Don't make a decision based solely on your boyfriend's feelings but be honest and open with him. Let him know how you are feeling about everything. If he is still against it regardless of your feelings, you need to make a decision for you and your family. Don't make any decision that you aren't 100 percent sure of or a decision made just to please someone else. You will regret it later.

And if you still decide that you cannot raise another child, adoption is always an option and there is nothing wrong with it.

I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you decide to make.
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  #10  
January 23rd, 2011, 02:08 PM
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it sounds like your keeping your lil bubba and i am sending you lots of strength and courage! you can do this with or with out your man because u are strong enough. best of luck
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  #11  
January 23rd, 2011, 02:19 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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Thanx Ladies. I think in my heart, my mind is made up. I am just afraid. Fear is what made me consider ab in the 1st place. I do not want to do it alone. I do not want to face my parents. I do not like the idea of starting over. But there is a reason God has given this to me. and everything has worked out this far. Sometimes easy. Sometimes hard. Now for the talk. ugh. NOT looking forward to it.
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  #12  
January 23rd, 2011, 04:02 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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I guess no talk tonite. havent been able to reach him all day. multiple texts and emails and phone calls. no luck. :/
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  #13  
January 23rd, 2011, 07:59 PM
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hes prob scared to. i know my man dont like sharing his emotions. maybe he dont know what to do so hes pushing you away. hel come around. goodluck
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  #14  
January 23rd, 2011, 08:14 PM
DramaFreeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moomoo2010 View Post
hes prob scared to. i know my man dont like sharing his emotions. maybe he dont know what to do so hes pushing you away. hel come around. goodluck
I agree. He may just need some time to warm up to the idea. If not, you can do it without him. You seem very strong. Don't let his attitude discourage you from your decision.

Good luck mama
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  #15  
January 24th, 2011, 09:10 AM
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Well, since the first decision has already been made for you, now it's time to make the other decision; will you raise the baby yourself or will you choose adoption? Either way, it sounds as though you'll be doing this alone. I know that people (family/strangers/kids) can be cruel, BUT, that's your body and your baby; you have every right to CHOOSE to have that child, as long as you can care & provide for it.

As for your SO...he just seems cold, childish, and he seems to have forgotten that HE was there when the TWO became THREE!!! I would be done with him, but that's just me.

Good luck to you.
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  #16  
January 24th, 2011, 05:13 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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TY. i am not sure whats next. i cant carry baby only to give it away in 6 mths. plus my kids would be devestated! so idk. you hit the nail on the head. SO is childish. you have no idea what i have been thro to date w/him! its exhausting. but thats another thread. lol. i am going to be alone. just as good tho. and i will face my responsibility. in time, i will come to terms. its a big issue to deal with. but at the end of it, i envision a happy family. =)
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  #17  
January 25th, 2011, 04:55 AM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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O.k SO is a jerk. will update when I get to work. bottom line is: I am on my own.
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  #18  
January 25th, 2011, 05:30 AM
~Angela~'s Avatar Mommy to 3
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I'm so sorry to hear that. Just remember, he's got an obligation to help financially whether he wants to or not.
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  #19  
January 25th, 2011, 06:21 AM
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I am so sorry you have to go through this without the support of your SO. I agree with ~Angela~ here. He does still have a responsibilty to the baby eevn if he choses to not be supportive of you.
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  #20  
January 25th, 2011, 05:16 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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We talked over the phone and he basically said to wipe him out of the equation. when i told him i would do that but he is still financially responsible, he hung up on me. i had told him it was too late for ab and he emailed me info on a clinic that will do it up to 19 wks. :..( cant believe i am dealing with this. i just want to crawl in a hole. sorry i didnt update from work. i was super busy today.
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