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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 28th, 2011, 09:20 AM
Lindsjean's Avatar Veteran
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Hi all!

Well I am here because I need to talk as I feel like I am going crazy. Let me give you a little back ground on me: I am 27 and have an eight year old son by by my ex. I left him along time ago and fell in love with another man. That relationship carried on and off for about 7 years. I really wanted to grow old with him but he had other plans. I finally left him for good about 12 months ago. Since then I have been dating a wonderful man for about 10months. He (28) and I were friends before we started dating, which is really cool. He is very supportive and always looking out for me. He comes from a good family and wants to have one of his own one day. Well that day may (or my not) come sooner than he expects.

Here is the story: I found out two days ago that I am pregnant. When I told him he responded well. He knew I was off birth control for one month and knew there was a possibility that I could get pregnant. Anyways long story short he told me that we can do whatever I want to do....However he thinks we are not ready to start a family(which I agree). But I don't know what I want to do. I kind of wish I hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place so I would have to make this decision.

He is done with school (college) and I still have about a year or so before I am done. He has a pretty good job but doesn't like it and is looking for something that he likes....Even though I am still in school I have a very good job but want to find another lab.

Sorry I am rambling.

Anyways yesterday I went to the ER because I started bleeding. Well they did and HCG level and it was 30(which means I am either newly pregnant or I am miscaring). I am not bleeding today but I just got up a while ago. Sometimes if I bleed lightly than it will slow down when I sleep. I have to go back to the doc on sat to get my hcg checked again.

But if everything is fine I don't know what I should do...keep it or get an aboration. This is a very hard decision. I assume that if I do decide to keep it I and he will warm up to the idea eventually. However I would of preferred to be married first and then make the decision to have kids. Okay this is getting long. Thanks for letting me vent.

Linds
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Last edited by Lindsjean; January 30th, 2011 at 12:57 PM.
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  #2  
January 28th, 2011, 12:01 PM
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Can I ask you one question - if you weren't prepared to have a baby because you are still in school and the relationship is new, is there a reason you went off of birth control?
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  #3  
January 28th, 2011, 01:26 PM
BigGrin's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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posted by mistake
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Last edited by BigGrin; January 28th, 2011 at 01:29 PM.
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  #4  
January 28th, 2011, 03:03 PM
Lindsjean's Avatar Veteran
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MsMack,

I am not sure if your question is rhetoric or not...but there is a reason(not a good one, but nonetheless a reason). I stopped taking birth control(the pills) because they were making me pretty sick. I had made an appointment to get on another type of birth control but hadn't made it to the docs....by that time I found out I am pregnant.
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  #5  
January 28th, 2011, 06:01 PM
Ashley11
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Let me start by saying I understand the whole BC making you sick, because it made me horribly sick and horribly mean. I guess my question would be. . .did he use a condom and if not why didn't he? I only ask not to antagonize you or make you seem like a lazy worthless person, I ask because if he knew and you made him aware of the fact that you weren't on BC why didn't he use a condom if he feels/felt that you two weren't ready for kids yet. . .my next comment is that none of us can help you decide to keep this baby or not. This is an issue only you can decide for what is best for YOU.

All I have to say is if you decide to get an abortion, don't decide too late. Make sure it is 100% what YOU want and what you feel in your heart is right for YOU. We can only support your choices and decisions from a computer and not in real life.

I am 30 weeks and 3 days along, and this is my first baby, completely unplanned and something we were completely not ready for, but we were at the point that we found out I was pregnant were together for about year. I wasn't on BC because it made me sick, and we used condoms. But that time I guess we got carried away. . .lol

So good luck on what you choose, and I really wish you luck. If you keep the baby the heck yes, congrats!!! if not, then that is what is best for you.
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  #6  
January 28th, 2011, 09:27 PM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi and welcome! I'm 26 and am pregnant with hopefully my first. It was compleatly unplanned. I was on BCP's and somehow they failed even though I took them prefectly. I'm newly married(5 months) and run my own business and was not ready in any way, shape, or form to have a baby but life sometimes has different plans. However we took a step back and concidered all of our options. I have had an abortion in the past and even though I feel sad looking back at it sometimes, it was really the best thing that I could have done in the situation.
Since that time I have had several losses of wanted children but it just wasn't ment to be. Then I suddenly popped up pregnant this time and it was very scary. It still is some days. But we ultimately descided that this baby was ment to be and everything happened for a reason.
You need to sit down and talk to your SO about every option and disscuss what those options mean to you and how each one will effect you indevidually and as a couple.It isn't an easy conversation but it still needs to happen.
Best of luck to you and know that you have the stringth to make any descision that you need to.
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  #7  
January 29th, 2011, 07:35 AM
beckii's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Firstly, hey hun Welcome to the board!!

Unplanned pregnancies tend to lead to a lot of stressful situations & hard decisions, but no one can decide what you want but you. Do not let anyone talk you into doing something that you don't feel 100% comfortable with because it will only lead to more hardships in the future.

I was 17 when I had my daughter, & on maternity leave from a minimum wage job. Now I'm a full-time nursing student, & returning to work full-time, so life is going to be hectic. But things CAN work.

Do what you feel is right, whether it's abortion, adoption or keeping the baby. GL, & feel free to come back here if you need advice or just to let out some feelings
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  #8  
January 29th, 2011, 10:54 AM
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OP - My question was most certainly not rhetorical. I asked because, if he knew you weren't on birth control and didn't want to have kids yet, it would seem that he should have used a condom. Just seems that he's not that smart for being 28 years old. What did he think would happen if you had unprotected sex?
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  #9  
January 29th, 2011, 02:29 PM
Lindsjean's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leogirl View Post
I have had an abortion in the past and even though I feel sad looking back at it sometimes, it was really the best thing that I could have done in the situation.
Since that time I have had several losses of wanted children but it just wasn't ment to be. Then I suddenly popped up pregnant this time and it was very scary. It still is some days. But we ultimately descided that this baby was ment to be and everything happened for a reason.
Leo girl, thanks for your words! I totally understand as I have had one abortion and since then I have have 2 ectopics (resulting in a lose of one of my fallopian tube)....However that was with the guy I was with for 7years...I am not a big person on "fate" in the modern since, but I do want to have more kids to carry on my genes and whatnot. How are things going with this pregnancy? Are you still scared and how far along are you?

Linds

p.s. we are not married and that is one of his concerns. He doesn't think people need to be married to have children, but he likes the idea of being married a bit before kids.
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  #10  
January 29th, 2011, 02:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BraydensMommy11 View Post
Let me start by saying I understand the whole BC making you sick, because it made me horribly sick and horribly mean. I guess my question would be. . .did he use a condom and if not why didn't he? I only ask not to antagonize you or make you seem like a lazy worthless person, I ask because if he knew and you made him aware of the fact that you weren't on BC why didn't he use a condom if he feels/felt that you two weren't ready for kids yet. . .my next comment is that none of us can help you decide to keep this baby or not. This is an issue only you can decide for what is best for YOU.


So good luck on what you choose, and I really wish you luck. If you keep the baby the heck yes, congrats!!! if not, then that is what is best for you.

Braydensmoomy, thanks for the congrats. As for the lack of condom usage: He and I both decided not to use a condom. Neither one of us like them and well....not the best decision but after we both got tested (at the beginning of the relationship) we stopped using them.

I still don't know what I want to do. Part of me wants to carry on with the pregnancy and the other part of me wants to wait.


Beckii, thanks for your post! Do you just have one child? This will be my second. I had my first when I was 19...
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Last edited by Lindsjean; January 29th, 2011 at 02:37 PM.
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  #11  
January 29th, 2011, 06:32 PM
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hi there

im 20 years old and have a 1 year old so very similar to u in a way. im not writing to ask how or why it happened this time around but to say that i wish u luck in what ever decision u decide to make and that u have the strength to do what is right for you. best of luck and keep us posted
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  #12  
January 30th, 2011, 01:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moomoo2010 View Post
hi there

im 20 years old and have a 1 year old so very similar to u in a way. im not writing to ask how or why it happened this time around but to say that i wish u luck in what ever decision u decide to make and that u have the strength to do what is right for you. best of luck and keep us posted
Hi moomoo2010

Thanks for your words. This has been on my mind ever since I have found out. I am constantly going back and forth on what to do however I am leaning more towards aboration. I said, since I had my first, that I want to be married and make the decision of having kids with my husband.....

Also, it is not that I wouldn't want to marry my boyfriend....sure maybe one day. But not today nor within the next two years....

Anyways it is really hard and talking helps. Thanks.

Are you pregnant again?
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  #13  
January 30th, 2011, 03:10 PM
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im not pregnant atm couldnt afford another one. i almost aborted my daughter but couldnt do it. life is hard but we make do with what we have got and we have very supportive family. if a child isnt right for you then maybe an abortion is the right way just make sure its 100% what u want to do. ive got friends that now regret it. best of luck hun.
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  #14  
January 30th, 2011, 08:31 PM
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Hi and :Welcome:

I agree with what most of the girls said. No one can tell you what is good for you. If you want to keep the baby and you have the support, then there is nothing wrong with keeping the baby. A couple things may be put on hold or not go exactly according to plan, but that's life. It's full of surprises and uncertainties. No matter what, you can still finish school and accomplish what you want to. You just got to change up the plan a little bit.

And if you decide you just don't want a child right now, no one can tell you that is the wrong decision for you. Just don't wait too long to make that decision

Good luck with whatever choice you make! Wishing you the best
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  #15  
February 1st, 2011, 12:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsjean View Post
Leo girl, thanks for your words! I totally understand as I have had one abortion and since then I have have 2 ectopics (resulting in a lose of one of my fallopian tube)....However that was with the guy I was with for 7years...I am not a big person on "fate" in the modern since, but I do want to have more kids to carry on my genes and whatnot. How are things going with this pregnancy? Are you still scared and how far along are you?

Linds

p.s. we are not married and that is one of his concerns. He doesn't think people need to be married to have children, but he likes the idea of being married a bit before kids.
I'm almost 10 weeks along and so far so good. This is the longest I've ever been pregnant. I've had very bad morning sickness but other than that nothing out of the "ordanary". I still have waves of being very happy and being absolutely terrified. I think that's normal though.
You can always change the not married part if you both want to.Just don't do it only because your pregnant. Do it because you'd do it anyway even if you weren't.
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  #16  
February 1st, 2011, 09:05 PM
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Hi, I have 3 unplanned baby's as well as my first preg. unplanned (that ended in miscarriage at 13 weeks)

DH & I were only together for 2 weeks when I got pregnant. I was in the same boat your in. It was SO new into the relationship, I didnt know what I wanted. It was really stressful to both of us, but we both decided together that it's just one of those things that happen in life, that we didn't want to tempt fate.

We had a planned baby, concieved 9 months after our miscarriage. When he was 7 months old, I had my second unplanned. When he was 10 months old, we concieved our third unplanned baby, and when he was 6 months old, our 4th unplanned baby was conceived.

It really depends on where you are in life, and if you think you'll both make it either way. But, whatever decision you make, should be yours, I just hope your s/o will be supportive in whatever you decide!
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  #17  
February 2nd, 2011, 02:03 PM
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HUGS! Just remember you have to do whats best for you and your mate. Its ok to not be ready, its ok to have an abortion (IF you feel that is the best choice for you). Just remember to think and talk to each other in figuring out what is the best option for you family.

As far as the marriage issue... It sorta bothers me that I am not gonna be married when we have our baby. I can completely understand it. But I also feel better knowing we will be getting married at some point. But that doesnt work for everyone.

I guess my main point ... Do whats best for you/SO!

HUGS!
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  #18  
February 2nd, 2011, 04:17 PM
Lindsjean's Avatar Veteran
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hystar and leogirl,

Thanks for your responses! (and all others of course!) The reason why I pointed you two out because it seems we are kind of in similar boats....

I asked my S/O last night if he could see himself being my husband. He said I don't think things would change much, so yes. I kind of all ready knew that his response was going to be something along that line because we get along pretty well....

Anyways, I am now leaning more towards keeping it. I am 27 and he is 28 we aren't getting any younger. Plus we both want kids one day.... However, I kind of feel like I am setting his fate. Even though I have made it clear that if he doesn't want to help he doesn't have to (but he doesn't have that type of character and I think he would be around)....

However it is really hard to talk to him about pregnancy stuff because he doesn't want us to keep it. It is super weird not being able to talk to him about it because I have told him stuff about me that NO ONE knows and really embarrassing stuff and I was comfortable. I told him that last night and he said he wants feel like I can talk to him, it is just hard for him because he thinks the best decision would be an aboration.

I wonder if he will warm up to the idea....??? What do you ladies think?

I should tell you that when I first told him I was pregnant he said that it's okay...we can move in together and whatnot....but then I said I want to have an aboration and he said he is fine with that. I know I have been back and forth but it is a hard decision to make.

Thanks for listening(well reading) girls!

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  #19  
February 3rd, 2011, 01:14 AM
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im glad to here he wants to marry you lol and he prob has mixed emotions about it all. its not a surprise u get everyday. just tell him that you want this baby and ask him how he feels or just give him space. he'll come around they always do. goodluck hun
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  #20  
February 3rd, 2011, 06:44 AM
Lindsjean's Avatar Veteran
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Thanks Moomoo,

It was good to hear that "they" always come around. He is a great listener but he is still in shock. I am trying not to talk about it too much. I asked him if he wants to go to the ultra sound appointment next week and he said "of course". He is still really worried but he is the type that will always be there. I hope he knows everything will be okay. Wait, I hope everything will be okay....
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