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It just gets worse everyday :..( Really sad


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 5th, 2011, 12:54 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 144
my ex. i emailed him a pic of the U/S. he never responded. so i emailed and asked why he had nothing to say: i know that was pushing it: anyway. here is his response: "*** do you want me to say Dena? Good for you. You have a picture. I have nothing to f***ing say. If you do, then f***ing say it. ***. ***. ***. " that was it. I hate him right now. more than I did before. How does seeing his baby NOT phase him. and what gives him the right to talk to me like that? ugh.

i know you must be sick of hearing me complain. and i am sorry. i have NO one to talk to. :..(
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  #2  
February 5th, 2011, 01:29 PM
Ashley11
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I think you're really hurting yourself here. . .if he doesn't want the baby, and you have tried showing him the baby and he still doesn't care I don't think it will ever change. One day if he ever grows up and gets curious, that is his loss girl. . .quit hurting yourself, you have this beautiful baby developing in you and this baby needs YOU. If he wants to be an a**hole let him be one. . .focus on yourself, and your well being, this isn't good for the baby. I had a ton of stress in the beginning of my pregnancy and everybody told me it wasn't good on the baby.

He has seen a picture, now keep it to yourself and your family who cares about you. Screw him for harassing you and asking you to abort, that pisses me off that he is doing that to you. You deserve better, a man who is supportive and wants kids. . .somebody who doesn't act like a little greedy boy.

Sorry for sounding so rude, but seriously? Don't waste your time on him anymore, seeing this baby isn't changing his mind or making him not an a**hole. He is who he is.
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  #3  
February 5th, 2011, 02:09 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 144
i know. you are right. i was just hoping it would make him feel something. its hard being alone. really hard.
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  #4  
February 5th, 2011, 02:19 PM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,163
You tryed to do what was right and he was unreceptive. It's now time to move on and take care of yourself and your baby.You need to see a lawyer as soon as possible to get everything squared away for after the baby is born.
If he knows which Dr you are going to or which hospital/birth center you will be at make sure you tell them now that you'd like to be a silent patient so he or his family/friends can't call or just show up while your giving birth or receaving any type of treatment.
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  #5  
February 5th, 2011, 02:41 PM
Ashley11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leogirl View Post
You tried to do what was right and he was unreceptive. It's now time to move on and take care of yourself and your baby.You need to see a lawyer as soon as possible to get everything squared away for after the baby is born.
If he knows which Dr you are going to or which hospital/birth center you will be at make sure you tell them now that you'd like to be a silent patient so he or his family/friends can't call or just show up while your giving birth or receiving any type of treatment.
I agree with Leogirl 100%, I don't doubt for one second that it is and will be hard for you to do this alone, but there are a lot of women in this world who do it alone. It doesn't make it easy, or fun but if it is what you have to do for yourself right now, then stick with it. Being pregnant and having somebody toy with your emotions isn't fair, it's almost like you are selling yourself short. I mean, think about it. . .you're going to find out the gender of your baby very soon, and when you do if it is a girl, do you want her to one day find a guy who treats her this way? And if it is a boy do you want him to treat other women this way? I don't say this because I am trying to hurt you, please believe me. . .I am in a relationship and I think about it everyday.

It's just too much for you right now. . .you need to take a breath give yourself some time, do what you love doing (a hobby) and reinvent yourself. You can do it!

I'm not a single parent, this is my very first. . .I'm only 20. . .but if you need to talk you can PM me. . .and we can talk. . .I may not be the best person to talk to because I don't know what it is like at all. . .but if you need a friend I can be one!

Good luck
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  #6  
February 5th, 2011, 03:06 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 14
My son's father was like that too. He said mean things and stressed me out to the point where I had to say ok you did your part and now you have to cut him off. I took it to the extreme and changed my cell number and blocked all his numbers from my house phone. I didn't call him when I went into labor or while I was in the hospital. After I got home form the hospital I called and let him know he had a son and if he wanted to see him he could but I didn't want his negativity in the delivery room with me. It was lonely going through it by myself but you know what my son was born healthy and in the end I was happy. My goal was to have a healthy baby regardless of how he felt. The stress is not good for your growing baby girl. She needs you to be happy and stress free. You have your supportive children and you will get through it just fine without him.
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  #7  
February 5th, 2011, 03:22 PM
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I am sorry you having to deal with it alone! I think not talking to him for awhile is a good idea. Just focus on your other kids and this new baby... ITs gonna be hard but it will be alot less stressful than to keep trying at him when he is acting this way. Hopefully sometime in the near future he will open his eyes and see what he is missing.

I agree with the others about talking to a lawyer too!
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  #8  
February 6th, 2011, 06:43 AM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 144
ty girls. i know you are all right and i should not have sent him the pic. it angered him more. :/ and leogirl: how do i do that? do i wait til my next apt? gosh it was so much easier with a husband. i am going to concentrate on work, kids, and im moving soon. screw him if he doesnt want to be involved. he is missing out.

and really, thanks for the support. it means so much to have this place and you ladies.
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  #9  
February 6th, 2011, 11:46 AM
DramaFreeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: The Burgh, PA
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Sorry i'm late but i agree with what the other ladies said 100 percent. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that a**hole but he is the one who will end up regretting it in time. Just focus on you and your family.

And regardless of if he want to except the baby or not, he will still have to financially contribute to raising this child. He can't run away forever.

If you ever need someone to talk to, we are all here to listen and you can always pm me as well. I know it can help just to have someone to talk to sometimes. Don't ever feel like you are whining or complaining. What you are going through is really hard and this is what this board is for....to help and support you.
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  #10  
February 6th, 2011, 01:17 PM
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hi, I havent posted here but I have been lurking since my pregnancy was unplanned as well.. I PMed you yesterday but I thought Id come on here and offer my support openly and send my thoughts and prayers your way...

((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

You came to the right place for help, support and advice

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  #11  
February 7th, 2011, 01:45 PM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tennessee
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My best friend went though this during her pregnancy and birth and is still somewhat dealing with it 3 years later. If you ever need someone to talk to let me know as well. I've gone though this with her every step of the way and I was with her in the DR.

My friends lawyer told her to send him a statement from your Dr saying that you are pregnant and that both you and the baby appear to be in good health. Send this certified mail so he has to sign for it.That way he can't show up in court and say that he did not know that you were pregnant.

You also need to keep every email,text message,note or letter that he sends you.This includes anything that you send him. Don't act crazy,don't raise your voice,don't curse, don't accuse him of anything.. I'm not saying that you do it's just a guidline.

Make your Dr and your hospital aware of what's going on. They have a system where they can make you a "silent patient". This means that you do not show up by your real name on thier patient regesteries and no one that isn't on an approved list will be allowed in to see you while your at the hospital and will not be given any info on you or your baby.
*side note: My friend's hospital ended up screwing this up royally on two occasions. The first, after delivery they let her ex-bf in, he stole the birth certificate from the nurse's desk and signed it,and he cause all sorts of problems and tried to steal the baby. He was arrested and taken out in cuffs. Secondly I the day I went to pick her up to take her home I ended up having to give the door person her real name before she would let me in. My friend sued the hospital and won.

And last but not least...the sooner you get a lawyer the better.
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  #12  
February 7th, 2011, 06:53 PM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
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Location: CT
Posts: 144
Wow. i am sorry for all that your friend went thro. it makes me pray my ex comes around. but also makes me aware of what to expect. ty for the info. i will ask my dr to write that letter asap.
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  #13  
February 8th, 2011, 06:17 PM
Demetria's Avatar Mama to an Angel :(
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Location: North Carolina
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Sorry to hear that you are going through this, I know exactly where you are coming from!! My daughter Zoie's dad, basically wanted me to have an abortion (he was 20 and she is his 3rd child!) and dumped me when I refused. I showed him the u/s photo @ work and he basically asked me why I would not have an abortion. Needless to say, I was alone, I was at all of the doctors appts alone, I was even in the delivery room alone!! He didn't see her until she was 3mths old. And he has only seen her a hand full of times since. He is not in her life. It was very tough at first, but you learn to deal with it. Especially when you realise that its not the end. And you CAN do it. And you just....do it....lol, you are amazed when this helpless little person comes into the world and you will realize how much better off a child is with at least 1 great parent. Zoie does not know her bio dad (I currently have child support pending) but that is fine with me. He is a POS and I would rather her have positivity in her life vs the negativity that he would bring.

Hugs...just a little bit of my story to let you know that you are not alone!

We are in the same DD group BTW
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  #14  
February 9th, 2011, 10:58 AM
Member
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Posts: 37
Guy needs to have his skull cracked. End of story. I hate hearing things like this, its aweful.

Keep your chin up, and watch over that baby. Thats the first and foremost important thing right now, bring that baby healthy and safe into this world.

Goodluck momma.
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  #15  
February 9th, 2011, 11:28 AM
ohbaby37's Avatar mom of 4, 1 on the way
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demetria View Post
Sorry to hear that you are going through this, I know exactly where you are coming from!! My daughter Zoie's dad, basically wanted me to have an abortion (he was 20 and she is his 3rd child!) and dumped me when I refused. I showed him the u/s photo @ work and he basically asked me why I would not have an abortion. Needless to say, I was alone, I was at all of the doctors appts alone, I was even in the delivery room alone!! He didn't see her until she was 3mths old. And he has only seen her a hand full of times since. He is not in her life. It was very tough at first, but you learn to deal with it. Especially when you realise that its not the end. And you CAN do it. And you just....do it....lol, you are amazed when this helpless little person comes into the world and you will realize how much better off a child is with at least 1 great parent. Zoie does not know her bio dad (I currently have child support pending) but that is fine with me. He is a POS and I would rather her have positivity in her life vs the negativity that he would bring.

Hugs...just a little bit of my story to let you know that you are not alone!

We are in the same DD group BTW
Thanks Demetria. I recognize you from the July DDC.

To be honest, I am growing OK with doing this alone. I really am. Thats not to say I will have bad days or wish I wasn't alone! But it is getting better---day to day---and I am realizing I can do this. And while things are hard, to say the least, it is manageable.

your guy sounds much like mine---except mine is 47 (next week) and not 20! lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by hungry4knowhow View Post
Guy needs to have his skull cracked. End of story. I hate hearing things like this, its aweful.

Keep your chin up, and watch over that baby. Thats the first and foremost important thing right now, bring that baby healthy and safe into this world.

Goodluck momma.
Thank you! I don;t know what I would be doing without this board. Honestly. I would prob be balled up in a corner somewhere, crying my eyes out!
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