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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 28th, 2011, 12:14 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2
23 (almost 24) female here! I finally took a test this past weekend after my period didn't show for two weeks.

I graduated uni last May and am currently working overseas. I'm originally from the States, lived where the job market really plummeted, so I feel hella lucky to have a job atm.

I live with my S.O. of six years and he is also working. Our relationship is good, not the best, but we aren't skating breakup grounds. We know what needs to be fixed so we are working on it! However, because of this and other reasons (financial, wanting independence/not worry about someone else) he thinks it would be ideal to get an abortion. I have been ping-ponging with my decisions about this baby. One minute I'll tell him we should terminate the next I change my mind. It's a hard decision but he is still 99.5% pro-abortion. He has even gone as far as saying he knows having the baby would cause a rift in our relationship because he doesn't want it.

Unfortunately if things really did go down hill with S.O., life here would turn even harder for me. Since we live together we get a **** good deal on rent. If I had to go on my own it would increase a lot compared to what we currently pay. So, that's one thing to consider.

All of my family is back in the States and my job is here. So returning home would be very unlikely..I have loans to pay off so I need my job. AKA any familial support or emotional support is nixed because of the distance between us.

I have the firm belief that no matter how much money you have, how many resources you have, you never feel completely prepared for a child. Sure those things do add some security..but I don't think we are as bad off as S.O. is making it sound. I would just hate to go through with an abortion when right now...I'm only about 75% on board with the idea. And this was a figure I used with S.O. as well..so he knows how uncertain I am. Yet, he still doesn't want to support me if I go through with the pregnancy because he thinks it's the worst decision to make..
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  #2  
February 28th, 2011, 10:06 AM
angelsailor288's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 5,057
Hey hun. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this decision.

Let me start by saying financially, I totally understand. I bought my house in Sept '09 when I was 21. I had an awesome paying job and was very comfortable with all my bills every month. March '10, I lost my job. I found another one 45 minutes away but the pay was not very good and management was very bad. So, I took this other job close by being TOLD I was going to make just as much, however it was more like half of my normal income.
Fast forward to Sept '10, I find out I am pregnant. I've told my boyfriend from day one in our relationship I could never abort. So we are starting to get used to the idea and figure out how we will make it work money wise and a week before Christmas, my boss lays me off.
I've been looking for a job ever since and found some temporary work for $9/hr which is like, a quarter of what I am used to making. How we will pay the mortgage I dont know. We've been relying off my savings which is getting smaller and smaller.

So, I totally get it. But you know what, when I feel this little man kicking me and I hear his heartbeat or see his ultrasounds, none of that matters. I know we will find a way to make it work. This is our son and I am madly in love with him no matter what our money situation is. No one is ever ready, like you said.

The next thing I want to say is, your SO needs a kick in the butt. He can certainly tell you he thinks abortion -may- be best, but to make you feel obligated to do it is NOT right. Dont abort this pregnancy because you are afraid what will happen to your relationship. If he would really leave you or something because of a baby the two of you created, is this a man you really want to be with?

There is alot to think about and I am so sorry you are in this situation. Have you gone to a doctor yet? They can probably offer you resources to help you with each of the choices you have. Have you considered adoption?

I hope you figure out what is best for you and not just your SO. Good luck.

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