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I'm 21, pregnant, and terrified.


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
June 8th, 2011, 07:51 AM
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 21
This was totally unexpected/ unplanned. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. I am usually a really responsible, mature adult but, I had a horrible week where I made some awful choices. I slept with four people in a whole month-- three in the same week. My boyfriend (who, according to my calculations, is the father) has left me alone and wants nothing to do with me. I am 5 1/2 weeks. I worked up the courage to tell my parents and they reacted as well as I could hope. I considered terminating it but I just can't. Life is a gift and it's not the baby's fault that I am stupid and irresponsible. I'm just so sickened by my behavior and can't fathom the thought of explaining to FOUR men that they have to be tested for paternity... All I know is that I have to do the right thing and carry this baby. Someone/ anyone please give me a word of advice. I feel so alone in my shame. I don't even want to TALK to two of the guys. I'd almost rather not know whose it is at all. My family is very religious and so am I. I just made a horrible mistake but now I feel like I have to be brave and strong and shroud this baby in love and joy. Time to put all my anxiety and fear behind me and take it one day at a time. It's not just me anymore.
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  #2  
June 8th, 2011, 09:19 AM
BigGrin's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,684
First of all, put down that whip and stop flagellating yourself. No one is perfect and we ALL make mistakes. Secondly, congrats on your pregnancy, though unplanned does not mean this child will be unwanted. You sound like a really good person with a good head on your shoulders.

You are about to enter a huge adventure of parenting. It will crazy, busy, insane and miraculous. you've already overcome so many challenges in telling your parents and deciding about parenting. Now you just need to take care of yourself and make sure you go to your prenatal appointments. I usually lurk here but wanted to send some encouragement.
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  #3  
June 8th, 2011, 11:23 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
You are being way to hard on yourself sweetie. No one is perfect!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I promise you the minute you first see and hold your baby all of this will not matter.

Feel free to join a due date club here on JM. There are lots of girls, married/single/engaged/bi sexual on these boards and it makes a great, diverse, non judgmental place to hang out.
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  #4  
June 8th, 2011, 01:33 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 0
Like the others said... don't beat yourself up. People make mistakes, it doesn't make you a bad person.

I'm a single mom and my son is the result of a one night stand. I felt everything you are... how am I gonna do this... how can I be so stupid, etc. You know what I feel now? That I can't wait til my son gets up from his nap so we can have lots of cuddles and play with a new toy I got him. Don't get me wrong, it's hard. Being a single mom and working and all of that is really really hard... only... everytime I come home from work I know there's a lil ray of sunshine waiting for me. Forget giving my life meaning, my son has given me a kind of happiness I never even really knew was possible. Your baby is going to give you that too... and all the hard work will seem like nothing compared to that joy they freely give you every single day.

It always helped me to think of my pregnancy as a surprise, not an accident. An accident is something bad that happens to you suddenly... but a surprise is something wonderful that you didn't even know how bad you wanted it until it was there.

PP are right, once they're here you won't regret how it had to happen. Perhaps God saw that you weren't loving yourself the way He wants you to... so he gave you a precious little miracle to show you just how loveable you are. I don't think anyone ever sees God as clearly as when they look into their child's eyes filled with love and adoration. You're perfect in His eyes, and you'll be perfect in your babys, too. How the baby got here is unimportant, and you'll deal with all of that because you have to... and it won't be nearly as bad as you think it's going to be. The rewards are enormous
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  #5  
June 8th, 2011, 06:20 PM
Love My Joey's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 715
All of the other ladies gave you some great adive so I don't have much to add. But I just wanted to say that my son was also a result of a one night stand and there were 3 possible fathers. My ex, one guy that I new from where I worked, and on random guy from a new year's eve party. Based on what my doctor said my ex had to be the father based on ultrasound dates so I went through my whole pregnancy thinking that because it just made sense but I always had the stress of wishing I knew exactly who the father was. After my son was born, I filed for child support and after 3 DNA tests, I found out the father was the random guy from a party. I was so embarrassed. I didn't tell anyone that there was a possibility of different guys being the father and I think thats what I regret most. I wish I would have just been honest and not stressed about it so much. And there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about because things happen. Pregnancy should be a positive experience because it is such a gift. I got pregnant at 20 and now I'm a single mom of a almost 2 year old boy and he is the love of my life. His father isn't in the picture, never really has been and I doubt he ever will be. Things aren't easy but you just make it work and it is so worth it in the end. Good luck with everything hun! It will all work out Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope you have a healthy and happy 9 months
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  #6  
June 8th, 2011, 06:51 PM
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,992
It's not the end of the world, we all make mistakes were not perfect so don't beat yourself up over it enjoy it, pregnancy is a beautiful thing.grats on the pregnancy
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  #7  
June 8th, 2011, 06:58 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 102
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I am close to your age, 22 myself. Like the others have said, you are being awfully hard on yourself. Take a moment, breathe, and realize it WILL be okay, and you WILL be able to handle this eventually. And congrats on your pregnancy. I hope you find the support that you need on here.
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  #8  
June 9th, 2011, 04:27 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,141
There are times when you should be hard on yourself, definitely such as the actions you chose. But then you have to stop beating yourself up about it and just move on. Your not an awful person-your giving your baby life. Do pursue paternity-the men involved knew full well sex=a baby. Adoption is a wonderful option. Many couples desperately want children but are unable to have them. I am a woman who suffers from recurrent miscarriage and knows what it feels to want a child so badly while being consumed with the fear that I will never have a child but thankfully I am able to have children. I just wanted to mention that option. I hope you have a close and supportive family to help you or a close circle of friends. This baby is a blessing, time to start enjoying the life inside you! Being a mother is something wonderful.
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  #9  
June 15th, 2011, 08:03 AM
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by elisette111 View Post
Like the others said... don't beat yourself up. People make mistakes, it doesn't make you a bad person.

I'm a single mom and my son is the result of a one night stand. I felt everything you are... how am I gonna do this... how can I be so stupid, etc. You know what I feel now? That I can't wait til my son gets up from his nap so we can have lots of cuddles and play with a new toy I got him. Don't get me wrong, it's hard. Being a single mom and working and all of that is really really hard... only... everytime I come home from work I know there's a lil ray of sunshine waiting for me. Forget giving my life meaning, my son has given me a kind of happiness I never even really knew was possible. Your baby is going to give you that too... and all the hard work will seem like nothing compared to that joy they freely give you every single day.

It always helped me to think of my pregnancy as a surprise, not an accident. An accident is something bad that happens to you suddenly... but a surprise is something wonderful that you didn't even know how bad you wanted it until it was there.

PP are right, once they're here you won't regret how it had to happen. Perhaps God saw that you weren't loving yourself the way He wants you to... so he gave you a precious little miracle to show you just how loveable you are. I don't think anyone ever sees God as clearly as when they look into their child's eyes filled with love and adoration. You're perfect in His eyes, and you'll be perfect in your babys, too. How the baby got here is unimportant, and you'll deal with all of that because you have to... and it won't be nearly as bad as you think it's going to be. The rewards are enormous
Thank you, everyone for your encouraging posts. The one above even made me tear up a bit. it is really true that I was/ am being hard on myself. It just seemed like the natural emotional response for the situation. It feels good to know I am not alone and other people have gone through the same situation. I just really hope I can change from feeling fear and anxiety and shame to feeling joy. I know that this baby is a blessing and not an accident. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you all, again.
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  #10  
June 17th, 2011, 09:16 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,237
i think elissette worded it absolutely beautifully!! many many years ago i was in a similar situation and it has been actually a blessing in my life that i cannot even express clearly enough. i pray that you will trust God and to guide you through this. and remember, He is the one who gives us our children so He must have thought that even in unfortunate circumstances you were the one to carry this child. be strong, hold on to your faith and let your family be there for you. you won't be sorry.

~~~ terre, a noni of 7 who lurks here to give you hope
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speak with kindness....

~~terre~~
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  #11  
June 17th, 2011, 05:13 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Hey WAY more women do what you did than you know!!!
Big diff is A LOT of women don't tell.
You at least are open and honest about it.
Shoot before I got remarried I was out having a blast doing whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted. I did make them get tested. But didn't always use protection.
And honestly as I said, WAY more women do that than you think!
So don't beat yourself up. You'll have a beautiful baby out of it. That's a blessing.
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  #12  
June 22nd, 2011, 07:35 PM
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 16
First of all, calm down...easier said than done, but things work out and what you think is the worst thing will end up being the best thing EVER.

I am 22 years old, but i got pregnant right around my 21st birthday. I was in my junior year of college and had only been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 months. If your boyfriend isn't supportive, it is important that you do find a support network. No, you are NOT a horrible person, and you will find a way to work through this.

My boyfriend and i didn't consider adoption or abortion, because I believe every child is a gift. Let me tell you..i didn't think this was any gift. I was terrified, alone at school away from my boyfriend and family, and terrified about all that came with caring for a baby.

I had my baby this last September, and it was very exhausting at first, and I learned basically everything as days progressed. Take it one day at a time. Looking back, i don't regret what happened and knowing what my little guy is like now, i would have tried to have him if i knew he would bring me so much joy and change my life for the better. I don't feel like i am making sacrifices (having to go to school, staying home at night, etc) because you fall in love with your child, and are willing to do whatever it takes.

Good luck, and try to make steps to move forward..nothing will be accomplished by getting mad at yourself..things happen!
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  #13  
June 23rd, 2011, 02:07 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,069
ok so you said you are religious...your baby may not have been planned by you but you know someone up their planned this little one.

You must forgive yourself. EVERYONE has done something they are not proud of. I have personally done many many many things.

Adoption is a beautiful option and so is becoming a mother. Search your heart and pray. You will find the answers and support you need.

*hug*
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