Log In Sign Up

when you're not yet married...


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Unplanned Pregnancy LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
September 21st, 2011, 12:04 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 496
we aren't. yet . but people (certain family members) seem to think that this is such a rough time for us, and if we need any help or advice, they're there to talk to. which is great, don't get me wrong. but just because this wasn't quite a planned thing, and we aren't married, doesn't mean we're devastated, and have no idea what to do. it just irritates me that some people seem to think it's a crisis. it's not. it's a wonderful thing that unexpectedly happened, and frankly, we couldn't be happier. after the initial shock wore off, of course.

maybe it's my hormomes changing, but it really makes me angry with people. i just want to yell at them "it's not a crisis, or a tragedy, for goodness' sake!!"

i realize they're maybe just trying to be helpful, but this baby is no less wanted than any of the other married couples children. and i wish i didn't feel like everyone was sucking the joy out of it.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
September 21st, 2011, 01:11 PM
-Bailey-'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,442
I'm sorry some things [possibly] meant with the best intentions come out totally the wrong way. I would get annoyed too. Just try and brush it off, or tell them how you really feel.

Me and my BF aren't married either and it seems everyone constantly asks if we are going to get married! Or are trying to pressure us to get married before the baby is born, like it's gonna make a huge difference!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #3  
September 21st, 2011, 01:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,972
I can relate. We have been told since we found out about our surprise that we should be married. We will get there when we are ready. Its not like we love each other or our sweet girl less.

Take your time and do what feels right for you guys!
__________________


http://hkystar.blogspot.com


Reply With Quote
  #4  
September 21st, 2011, 01:57 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 496
oh yeah, i get that question too...and i always respond "i don't know, i'm sure". i know sometimes things can come off the wrong way, especially in a text message. and i'm polite about everything, but sometimes i wish they'd just shut up! lol. and i don't see what being married has to do with it either. of course, my whole life plan was to get married and then make some babies. but who's life really goes according to the original plan? mine sure didn't, but i wouldn't want it any other way.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
September 21st, 2011, 04:57 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
DO NOT GET MARRIED JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE PREGNANT! I can't scream that loud enough

When I told my parents that I was pregnant at age 20 (20 years ago) they practically demanded that my Boyfriend and I get married. His parents and my parents got together and practically shoved us in front of a justice of the peace. Needless to say the marriage did not work. However we did have 3 beautiful boys.

Do not feel pressured to do something you don't want to just because that is what your family/friends/society want for you.

I promise that being married does not automatically make people into better parents.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



Reply With Quote
  #6  
September 22nd, 2011, 09:00 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 496
i do want to get married eventually...but because we want to be, not because there's a baby on the way i refuse to do that, because, like you said, the chances of it working seem to be not too good.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
September 23rd, 2011, 03:15 PM
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 20
I think most people who experience unplanned pregnancies get this reaction quite often. Like you said, your friends and family are just trying to be helpful. A lot of people in your situation aren't really prepared or excited. Maybe your family is just approaching it from the viewpoint of how they think they'd feel in your situation. I know it can get really annoying, I suggest you a) tell them to please stop treating you like you're completely devastated, but let them know you appreciate their support or b) just get used to it and try to ignore their comments.

I'm 24 now, but I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 17. Unlike you, I was devastated and completely depressed for most of the pregnancy. It was still annoying when everyone offered to talk about it or "be there" for me. It's like, "I get it! If I want to talk to you I'll talk to you. Now leave me alone!"

And I agree with everyone else, you shouldn't get married just because you feel pressured by friends and family (although, I don't think this was the point of your post). People wanted my boyfriend and I to get married, but we were only 17. We didn't want people thinking we only got married because of the baby. We ended up getting married when we were 21, but it's because we really wanted to, regardless of our child.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
September 24th, 2011, 11:25 PM
alicia1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 2,671
I was 24 when I had DD. When I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend's mom said "you're getting married, right?!". Spiteful part in me made sure I didn't get married right away just cause of that comment cause who says that to someone the day they find out about an unplanned pregnancy?

We were enagaged, but never set a wedding date because I was still in school and wanted to get that out of the way. I got pregnant with my 2nd child at the start of this year. Decided to just get married in May 2011. Nothing fancy, but I was ready to get married because I was done with school and had a good job. We were living together and had DD so why not. Marriage hasn't really changed much of anything for us to be honest. We've been together for 6 years.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #9  
September 25th, 2011, 04:07 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 7,226
When we got pregnant with this little one that we're expecting at the moment, we were engaged and planning our wedding for September.

When we found out we were expecting a few months earlier than we had really planned, we post-poned the wedding until 2012.

Most of the responses were fine...a lot of people didn't think it was a big deal, but then there are the handful of people who were absolutley appalled that I wasn't going to still have my september wedding (at 8 months pregnant) and that we'd be unmarried when the baby arrived.

Most of these people were people I wasn't even close to...which made it even worse. How was it there business at all? They weren't even invited to the wedding....they aren't that important to me, so why think they should have so much judegement and say in my life?
__________________
Thank-you Bokkechick for the beautiful siggy!

Reply With Quote
  #10  
September 27th, 2011, 11:32 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 496
I think a lot of the initial reactions were out of shock, and most people now are excited for us. Not all, but most. Like my grandparents...super stoked! Which makes me soooo happy that they're happy.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
October 14th, 2011, 08:47 PM
PinkBows_x's Avatar Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK/Ireland
Posts: 46
I'm sorry you have to deal with that I'm having similar problems..I think DF and I are the only ones excited about the arrival of the baby
__________________







Engaged, 20, Full Time Working Student, Pro-Breastfeeding, Young Excited Mommy-to-be of a Yellow Bump due 1/02/2012.


Kate & Andrew|23.01.2006.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
October 15th, 2011, 10:28 AM
justjaQ's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sterling Heights, MI
Posts: 19,640
amen. i don't plan to marry at all, but that doesn't make our baby anything less.
__________________
msjaQ- 28, pantheist AP detroit mama to:
timothy michael, august 31, 2003, 12:02pm, 8 lb. 4 oz., 21"- 38 wks.
melissa may, april 7, 2006, 1:31pm, 7 lb. 10.5 oz., 19.5"- 36.5 wks
nicholas michael, january 31, 2010, 5:12pm, 5 lb. 11 oz., 18.25"- 37.1 wks
damon michael, january 21, 2012, 1:31am, 6 lb. 14 oz., 20", 38 wks
rainbow baby left me at 6-1/2 weeks on 09.08.12~ never forgotten, sweet child


Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:56 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0