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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
September 24th, 2011, 07:33 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2
I'm currently 21 and a senior at a major university. I'm on target to graduate in spring 2012.

I'm in an on-and-off again relationship with my boyfriend of 2.5 years (past 6 months have been on and off). The relationship has its good points but it's not reliably good, although he is actually a really good guy.

Found out I'm pregnant today. 4 weeks pregnant. FREAKING OUT.

My parents would be so disappointed. Not to mention the rest of my extended family. I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't take better precautions.

All I've ever wanted to be in life is a wonderful mom. I know that I'm very capable and I have what it takes. Right now, however, I'm just trying to graduate with my BS degree and start a full time job that will lead to a (hopefully) great career. I don't have any money saved up but I also don't have any student loans (thanks Mom and Dad!).

Boyfriend is in his 5th year here at college but will be graduating at the same time as me. He has a part-time job but he uses that money to pay his rent and bills.

We have no financial way to care for a child. My parents would not offer any financial support and his parents are unable to.

So many thoughts...adoption? abortion (fjdslkaflkds can't even bear to think of it)? or keep the baby?

My biggest fear is disappointing my parents. Otherwise I would most likely choose adoption since I have no issue being pregnant, I just know my parents would find out and then I might as well keep the baby for myself. But I can't raise a child on my own right now. I don't have the money or the time.

I feel so guilty for being pregnant when there are others out there trying so hard to conceive and wanting it so badly while I complain about what's happening to me...

This is just not how I envisioned my life. I've been on such a set, structured path my entire life that has led to so many great opportunities. This just throws a wrench in my plans...

I'm mainly looking to vent (sorry for the rambling) but I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Especially if you were in college/around my age when you became pregnant for the first time.
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  #2  
September 24th, 2011, 09:30 PM
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 20
Aww, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I'm 24 now, but I was 17 when I had my baby. My boyfriend and I were both juniors in high school when the baby was born. We were young than you, but I can definitely understand what you're dealing with. I was always the perfect daughter. I got great grades, had big college plans, and could do no wrong in my parents' eyes. Then bang, it felt like everything was over...like my life was over. I felt very ashamed, just like you do. It was really hard to tell my parents. They didn't take it well at first, but because they loved me so much, they were there for me. We decided to keep the baby. Being 17, we couldn't afford to care for a baby by ourselves. Luckily, our families helped us out and basically paid for everything while we were still in high school. We were the ones that took care of our son though, our parents didn't raise him. Anyway, the good news is that we managed to graduate from high school on time and we both graduated college when we were 22. We had a lot of help though. It was still really hard, I wn't deny that at all. Still, it's possible to achieve your dreams, graduate from college, and get a good job, even with a baby.

Have you told your boyfriend yet? It is ultimately your decision, but I know I felt a lot better after I told my boyfriend. I didn't feel so alone anymore. We told our parents together. It made it easier having someone else there with me. I suggest telling your boyfriend as soon as you feel comfortable. He deserves to know and he might be able to help you decide what to do.

You don't have too much longer to go before you graduate. The baby will probably be born around graduation time. That wouldn't be so bad. You could try looking for a good degreed job a few months after the baby was born. Your boyfriend should be able to start looking for jobs even before he graduates.

There is aid and helpful programs available to you as well, if you're willing to take the help. I know it can be hard.

Have you been to the doctor yet? If not, you should make an appointment, confirm everything, etc. You don't have to make a decision right away. Believe me, I know you probably can't help thinking about it all the time. Just know that you do have time to decide. I never really felt sure about anything my entire pregnancy. I ruled out abortion, but I often felt like I couldn't raise a child. You could always talk to an adoption counselor just to get more information. It's not like you have to sign a contract or anything. I suggest really exploring your options before committing yourself to anything. If you feel unsure about abortion, don't do it.

I know I wasn't in your exact situation, but I've experienced a lot of the same things. PM me if you ever just need someone to vent to.
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  #3  
September 25th, 2011, 12:17 AM
alicia1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 2,671
Sometimes life throws us some amazing curves that happen for a reason. We can never plan our lives 100% no matter how hard you try. Don't beat yourself up over getting pregnant. I think it's awesome that you and your boyfriend are almost done with college. You don't have much longer to go. You can do this!!!!! Stay postive.

I got pregnant while in nursing school. Was so embarrassed cause the program director preached about how we shouldn't get pregnant while in the program. Guess I didn't listen to her closely... but it was a rough time getting through the program pregnant. I had to take a semester off, but I went back. Having a child made me more motivated to finish the program because it meant I'd have a nice future not just for myself, but for her too.

Your family might surprise you. Give them a little time to adjust to the shock of you getting pregnant, but remind them what you need right now is there support more than ever. That's how I made it through nursing school.

Good luck with everything.
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  #4  
October 30th, 2011, 10:18 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 2
Well, first of all I can totally see/feel where you're coming from! Having life all planned out and suddenly nothing makes sense! I'm currently preggo too (5 weeks) and was planning to begin the spring semester at a local college here in TX. (moved over 1100 miles for this reason!) Although I am married and just a little older then you (29) I can completely relate! In my situation, a baby isn't the most financially intelligent thing at the moment for us, but we are absolutely willing to make it 'work' -- in the interest of this precious little life inside me. Life will always, always throw curve balls, our way! Countless things will go "not as pladnned" and in that very moment we may feel as if all hope is lost. But I can assure you, that's far from the truth! God always has a MUCH bigger plan for our lives -- even when we feel like we're the ones in the drivers seat! You already sound like you have an awesome heart to be a mom, which I think is incredible. Money is no reason to end a pregnancy. I know you mentioned adoption, but I personally don't think that's for you. I realize I don't know you personally, but from what I see here you're a hardworking girl whose smart and has a genuine love for being a mom. There are financial options out there, and I have a feeling your parents would help in this situation -- if only it was temporary,
for a season. Bottom line, stay positive and do what your heart tells you. If its adoption, really search yourself and make sure its a quality decision that is not only in the interest of you, but the precious life that's inside you. Abortion is in my opinion, is not an option. Ending a life is not a responsible choice, period. So I would have to agree with your; "asdfjkl;" The thought of it brings tears to my eyes as well as feelings of rage. Huge huggss to you! Please know I'm praying for your situation! Ask God for his wisdom in all of this, He knows the plans for your life even before you were created!

Last edited by BaristaChick; October 30th, 2011 at 10:26 PM.
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  #5  
October 31st, 2011, 06:48 PM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: tx
Posts: 47
Im 21 as well and live at home with my mother. I do not have a bf but I think I may be pregnant. I babysit and recieve money for school but im unemployed. Thought id share my story so you could see your not the only one and it could be worse. You have a relationship with this guy at least so he may help you out. we both made decisions and can not turn back now. You have three options: have your baby and raise your child the best way you can. being the best mother you can be! second abort your child and wonder what he or she would have been like and maybe feel guilty or ashamed. third, adoption! there are many ppl who want to be parents but cant but alot comes with that decision as well. I would like to add that you shouldnt be ashamed! there are women out there with many children who are not raising them but keep making them! forget what ppl think, this is your life to live and dont worry about judgement. we all have done wrong, felt ashamed and did things were not proud of. things dont always turn out the way we planned but hey make the best of it. you have been blessed with a gift! your parents may be upset at first but they will get over it. good luck!
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  #6  
November 3rd, 2011, 07:36 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1
Wow, there's so much good advice here. And, even though I'm not pregnant, I know what it's like to be afraid of disappointing your parents and your life not going in the direction you planned. But, I guess that happens to a lot of us! So, I think you'll be surprised at the number of people who will be sympathetic to what you're going through and ready to help.

In fact, I was thinking if you're not quite ready to talk about this with your parents, you might want to see if there's some other person you trust who you could chat with. Maybe a relative, pastor, or older friend? What I think is important is not to go through this alone or make any hasty decisions. I know a close friend of mine who was in your shoes found a lot of help in going to a crisis pregnancy center. They can help you discuss your options and get any initial tests done-and I believe it's all free of charge. Not sure if that's something you've thought of already, but just wanted to throw it out there.

And, if you're trying to find a center in your area I think you can just take a look in the yellow pages. I've also heard of something called "Option Line" (you can look it up online or call 800-395-4357) that provides free counsel over the phone or helps you find pregnancy centers in your area. So, just FYI!

Well, like BaristaChick mentioned, it sounds like you're really thinking this through and want the best for this new life inside you. And, I hope that you're surrounded by tons of love and support in the days ahead. Hang in there! ((Hugs))
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  #8  
December 11th, 2011, 10:56 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 879
I understand how you feel, I am also 21, a senior in college (set to graduate spring 2012), and unmarried. I was so afraid of telling my parents, I didn't want to disappoint them. But after I told them I felt so much better, they told me that they loved me no matter what and even though this situation wasn't ideal, I could handle it. However, I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents.

I know what you mean about this throwing a wrench in your plans, this has definitely thrown a wrench in mine. I have always been the type of person who plans ahead, who doesn't mess up, and who has high expectations for myself. I'm now concerned that I won't be able to get a job starting next year, since I'll be pregnant during the interviews. I'm afraid that potential employers (principals, since I'm going to be a teacher) will be judgmental of me and think of me as irresponsible even though I have always been an extremely responsible person. It's hard, but for me I could never consider anything except keeping the baby. I am fortunate to have the support of my boyfriend, who is older than me (25) and has a full-time job, although he hasn't finished school yet and is going back next semester. I always wanted to be married and settled with some money saved up before getting pregnant, but I guess I should have been more careful.

I know this situation is difficult, I just think you should think very long and hard about every single choice and what would be the best for you before making any decision. It's hard, because there is no easy answer. Remember, it's still so early, you have a very long time to consider your options.
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  #9  
December 12th, 2011, 12:00 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,969
My first son was unplanned too. I was 21, I was a junior in college, and I had more interest in partying than in being a mom. It threw a huge wrench in my plans, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I did end up marrying my boyfriend at the time (we're separated now, but for military reasons, not baby related reasons). Life worked itself out.

Just remember that it's ok to feel totally overwhelmed, and whatever choice you make will be right for you. I'd just recommend not making any choice without talking to someone first. I went to a crisis pregnancy center after scheduling my abortion with this unplanned pregnancy now. After talking to them and realizing the amount of help that I can get from them and from other community resources, I'm so glad I went. I had scheduled the appointment just to appease DH but deep down knew it wasn't what I wanted. I just had to ask for help, and will have to continue asking for it. It may not come from the places you'd expect, but it will come from so many unexpected places.
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  #10  
December 21st, 2011, 09:45 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
As for your parents all I can say is that you might be pleasantly surprised. Sure it will be embarrassing and you will feel guilty about "letting them down" but once the truth is out and they've had time to digest the information I think it likely they will be supportive.

Pregnancy is the happiest unintended outcome of sex. To put things in perspective, just think of how bad it would be to explain to your parents that you have HIV/AIDs.
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  #11  
January 16th, 2012, 04:49 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 5
hey there, i don't have a lot to say just that i can relate to what you're going through. i'm 21, not in college but really want to be, i'm in a good relationship but it's still very new, no financial support and barely making it financially as it is. same situation with the family too. the only thing i have to say is your parents might surprise you. mine certainly did. i was expecting the worst...shouting, tears, etc. my mom actually calmed me down about my pregnancy! they were just so happy i didn't choose abortion (they're both VERY pro life). i haven't decided on adoption or being a mother yet, but hopefully your parents will surprise you as well...at this point what's done is done so for them to make things worse for you isn't even worth it. good luck!
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  #12  
January 16th, 2012, 09:51 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: long island, ny
Posts: 1,247
I was in College 20 yrs old, Was supposed to graduate May of 04. I was in a 10 mth relationship. I didn't have time for renewing my birth control and we didn't think we'd get pregnant 3 mths after i was off it. I kept my son and i went to college, graduated college, I had a job, i worked up until 3 yrs ago and i am married to a wonderful man, not my son's father, it didn't work out. i'm a stay at home mom. we are ttc our first child together, my second child. I wish you all the best, but i do think you should talk to your parents, my parents were dissapointed, my family are strong catholic's, they didn't believe in abortion and neither did i. they told me if i wanted to keep my son, i'd have to finish college and work. i was fine with that. it was worth it in the end. i don't regret a single moment
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