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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
October 7th, 2011, 12:06 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 3
I am a med student starting in August 2012 who was promiscuous with very low self-esteem. I became sexually aggressive over the summer and It was a different lifestyle for me after years of being repressed and cooped up until things got real and I found out recently that I am pregnant and due in June 2012.

In my heart I feel as though I would be doing this child a disservice because I barely knew the guy that I slept with but I know that he does not have STDs because I was tested twice since our encounter. I was on birth control for a month but I am not sure what went wrong. I am afraid to tell him because I know that he is very in love with his ex-girlfriend and I do not want to stop him from trying to get her back. I am also worried because he has extreme emotional issues and I do not want to tell him anything that might make him suicidal. I really do not want to involve him and I never want to request any support of any kind from him. I just feel like it is unjust to keep him in the dark.

I also come from a very strict household and I know that my father would disown me. I would shame my entire family and I would be left without anyone or anything. What also ruins things is I am small in stature and it will be OBVIOUS when I have a huge protruding belly especially in the summer. I have been working out excessively to relieve stress and to try and hide any signs. I am not showing but in my head I am thinking everyone can see.

Apart of me thinks that I should keep the child but medical school is intense and emotionally/physically draining. I rarely have time for myself now when/how could I be a mother especially alone? Do you think I should tell the guy? Do you think I should tell my father? Please be brutally honest I think after all of this, I can take it.
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  #2  
October 7th, 2011, 02:42 PM
LindsayGriff
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,438
Being a resident myself, I have been through medical school and know the intensity of it. We had a good bunch of people that had babies in the 1st two yrs of medical school but most of them were males and the few women that had kids in medical school had good spousal support. I had mine during 4th yr and after having him, I learned the struggles it was just to try to study what little I actually had to do during 4th yr and it was no where near the amount you have to do in the 1st 2 yrs when you have so much classroom work and tests. I can honestly say it will be extremely difficult. I think you need to tell your father and this guy. For one, the guy needs to know especially if you are keeping the child. Your father should know because honestly, you are gonig to need support and help because you will need times just to yourself to study or you will never make it through. To be brutally honest like you asked, you were old enough to make the decision to have sex and knowing that you made it into medical school shows that you were smart enough to know the consequences that come with having sex, if only you would have know that it takes 3 months for the pill to reach full effectiveness, now you need to step up and tell all involved the truth.
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  #3  
October 7th, 2011, 03:37 PM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,163
First you need to go over all of your options and figure out which is right for you.Once you make up your mind what you are going to do then you can go about telling people. If you choose abortion then you don't need to tell anyone, if you choose adoption you will need to tell your father and the guy, and if you choose to keep the baby you will need to tell both as well.

If you choose to keep the baby there is lots of programs out there to help you keep it and all you have to do is ask. Maybe you could visit a local Planned Parenthood. They have lots of info for which ever option you are concidering and can provide you with counseling. Most locations work on the sliding scale which means you pay them based on your income.
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  #4  
October 7th, 2011, 03:40 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by LindsayGriff View Post
Being a resident myself, I have been through medical school and know the intensity of it. We had a good bunch of people that had babies in the 1st two yrs of medical school but most of them were males and the few women that had kids in medical school had good spousal support. I had mine during 4th yr and after having him, I learned the struggles it was just to try to study what little I actually had to do during 4th yr and it was no where near the amount you have to do in the 1st 2 yrs when you have so much classroom work and tests. I can honestly say it will be extremely difficult. I think you need to tell your father and this guy. For one, the guy needs to know especially if you are keeping the child. Your father should know because honestly, you are gonig to need support and help because you will need times just to yourself to study or you will never make it through. To be brutally honest like you asked, you were old enough to make the decision to have sex and knowing that you made it into medical school shows that you were smart enough to know the consequences that come with having sex, if only you would have know that it takes 3 months for the pill to reach full effectiveness, now you need to step up and tell all involved the truth.
Thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate it because it is important for me to face my responsibilities. I just stopped crying because I feel very stupid and very out of tune with my body. I just thought that the maybe the reason I missed my period was because I was working out a lot more, I found myself forgetting to have a meal and then settling on something as random as a bowl of pasta with pesto, reviewing more, shadowing more frequently, working extra hours in the ER, and attending teaching conferences at another hospital. There are a few things happening in my life but I am used to pushing myself like this but never missing a period.

I am so afraid of telling anyone what is happening with me. Except this forum because I do not believe that anyone I know will look here. I just do not want my family to be disappointed with me and I just feel like the baby's father will probably ignore me. I also have a feeling my father knows what is happening because his younger sister hid her pregnancy from the family and died after giving birth. Superstitious beliefs and suspicion run high in my family. Above all, I know that I am supposed to be smarter than this but I have never felt more idiotic and afraid.

I am considering deferring admissions until next year but I am too excited about medical school to wait any longer and I am afraid that if I put it off I will be making another mistake. That's what makes me feel very selfish and confused. Anyway, I hope your residency is going well! I clicked on your profile and I saw that you have been through a lot but you have incredibly strength and great support from your family. You are very inspirational, I wish you and your family only the best in life.
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  #5  
October 9th, 2011, 01:30 AM
Minilegs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kaia's Mommy
Posts: 5,270
The only thing I can add is that no one can really tell you what to do. It's all your decision ultimately. If you don't feel that you can provide for this baby emotionally, physically, etc, maybe you could find a specific family that you want your baby to be raised by. Adoptions are pretty much what you want them to be nowadays. You can have open or closed, etc.

This will be extremely hard if you try to do this alone. Knowing the father of your baby, your parents, etc. It's doable but, with many difficult steps. Good luck!
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  #6  
October 9th, 2011, 08:08 AM
LWiegel's Avatar Lauren *Expecting #1!*
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 812
I just found out I am PG 2 days ago. I am in an extremely competitive nursing school getting my bsn. Although I am married timing couldn't be worse. I have 1 1/2 semesters left, the baby will be due somewhere between extremely close to graduation or my finals and 2 weeks before I can take the national boards. On top of that my husband is currently in his first year of Residency and I don't have a job yet.

That said there is never an "easy" time to be PG. But I also understand where you are coming from with the strict family. About 4 years ago I got PG and by the worst guy in the world. He too was in love with someone else (I didnt know) and broke up with me on the phone, while I was working at a daycare, for an ex that already had a baby, & not to mention the day after my miscarriage. I was devastated. I thought I had no where to go. I failed classes and became very depressed. My family didnt know what was going on, and I did not tell them bc they are horribly strict I mean ministers in the family everything. I ended up going to therapy bc I felt so alone. I finally talked to my therapist about telling my parents. I finally told them everything and they both broke down in tears bc they hurt so badly for me that they could see the hurt and I had to go through that all alone. So my personal experience, not that it means its the right thing for you to do bc i dont know your family, buy its better to talk to you're family. We are and have been since I opened up, the closest we have ever been. They can be there for you better than anyone! Good luck and i hope it all works out for you.
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  #7  
October 9th, 2011, 11:55 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leogirl View Post
First you need to go over all of your options and figure out which is right for you.Once you make up your mind what you are going to do then you can go about telling people. If you choose abortion then you don't need to tell anyone, if you choose adoption you will need to tell your father and the guy, and if you choose to keep the baby you will need to tell both as well.

If you choose to keep the baby there is lots of programs out there to help you keep it and all you have to do is ask. Maybe you could visit a local Planned Parenthood. They have lots of info for which ever option you are concidering and can provide you with counseling. Most locations work on the sliding scale which means you pay them based on your income.
I thought about it since the last time I posted on my thread. I think that I want to defer admissions to medical school and instead of attending Fall 2012, I will attend Fall 2013. I want to keep the baby and I am going to Planned Parenthood and my Gynecologist this week in order to discuss my options and see if this is even possible. Once I finally decide what to do, I want to meet with the father of the baby and tell him. I do not want him to support me in anyway and I want to make that as clear as possible.
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  #8  
October 19th, 2011, 05:24 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
He has a financial obligation to this child weather he decided to be in the babys life or not. I was a single mom for 15 years and trust me when I tell you that any dollars you can get will help a lot!

On another note: As a parent of children almost your age, I would hope that my boys would not be afraid to come to me and tell me something so big like this. I don't understand how any parent could turn their back on their child.

Did you end up telling anyone?
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
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Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #9  
November 12th, 2011, 06:38 PM
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 13
Curious, how have things worked out?
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