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I'm older, He's younger-We just met... Help!!!


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #21  
October 27th, 2011, 09:01 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
My heart is breaking reading this. You must be in so much agony emotionally.

Keep us updated, ok? Whatever you decide we are here for you. Oh I am so sorry.

Dang, I hurt for you. DO NOT LET HIM BACK OUT OF THIS. He has a responsibility either way. (((Millions of hugs to you)))
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #22  
October 28th, 2011, 12:55 AM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 59
Awakened to a 3am crave for cream of wheat. Not feeling any particular way today about this. I have text or call Z as I just couldnt step back into the ring of his emotional abuse. Am I stupid for understanding that his response is natural, albeit immature, to what he percieves to be a major life stressor for him? Perhaps my comprehension is why I am not reacting confrontationally in kind. I guess I will never understand why men act so irate and extreme when faced with emotional issues. Josie...thank you for note and vote of confidence in Z. My decision is based on truly not wanting to have to fight my child's parent thru its life to be the parent it needs, again, of not wanting to face the judgement of my very large family and support group, of my current financial state as I would have to pay all expenses out of pocket as I am self employed hence no insurance... Yes, you are right, I do love the baby and wanted much to keep. I.m 6weeks, 4days today. You are also right that the baby cant help it if its dad is being so horrible. I am going to reschedule my appt till Thurs to give me a little tine to think clearly. I do have issue with terminating it just for him so I will take a little more time to be sure. Thank you for reminding me... I actually started thinking some of Z's spewing made sense... Thanks.
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  #23  
October 28th, 2011, 04:02 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 801
First, I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now.

I am going to be very blunt here, but I think it needs to be said. From what I gather from your posts, this man is at least 30. Which to me is plenty old enough to have known that if he didn't want a child/wife/girlfriend, he should have used protection. It's not just up to one person to make sure there is birth control. He cannot just assume that it was safe. The only way to 100% prevent pregnancy is abstinence.

Yes I get his career is flourishing, but if he thinks this will ruin his life, he doesn't deserve you or your beautiful growing child. Please reconsider. He might come around, he might not, and I am 100 % pro choice, but I can tell this is not what you want. You love your baby already. Don't let this man dictate and try to tell you this is about your ego. This is about him, he is the one who should have been responsible enough to use protection if he is so against having a child.

I wish you all the luck in the world hun, please do what's right for you and baby, he said it, he wants nothing to do with it, so you have to do what a momma does and protect your baby if that is indeed what you want, and I think it is.

(((Hugs)))
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You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you, but if you walk the footsteps of stranger, you'll learn things you knew... you never knew.
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  #24  
October 28th, 2011, 12:23 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Quote:
Originally Posted by MindyRambo View Post
Yes I get his career is flourishing, but if he thinks this will ruin his life, he doesn't deserve you or your beautiful growing child. Please reconsider. He might come around, he might not, and I am 100 % pro choice, but I can tell this is not what you want. You love your baby already. Don't let this man dictate and try to tell you this is about your ego. This is about him, he is the one who should have been responsible enough to use protection if he is so against having a child.

I wish you all the luck in the world hun, please do what's right for you and baby, he said it, he wants nothing to do with it, so you have to do what a momma does and protect your baby if that is indeed what you want, and I think it is.
Very well said!

I can hear it in your writing that you do not want to terminate but are afraid of the continued emotional abuse from this guy and don't have health insurance as you are self employed.

The health insurance part can be easily resolved. You will apply for medicaid or if you earn too much, there are clinic's that work on a sliding scale payment method depending on how much money you make. I went through all of it with this pregnancy.

As far as he goes - Z will be responsible to help you out with child support. Now a days most everything goes through the court systems so there is little fighting. When my ex-husband and I first split up it was a rollercoaster but once the courts dictated visitation and child support it was easy - we did not have to speak much at all.
birdblue likes this.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #25  
October 30th, 2011, 09:44 AM
Raven_Haired_Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,245
I'm just now seeing this. I hope you make the decision best for you not him.

when I was 26 I got pregnant by a guy who was 19. He of course wanted me to terminate. I told him no way. I told him I knew he was young and I didn't expect him to stay if he didn't want to. But I told him if he wanted to leave to do it right then. He of course decided to stay. Four days after our son was born he abandoned us. It was exactly what I feared might happen. That's why I gave him the option to get out at the beginning of the pregnancy. He didn't really want to be in his son's life. I could tell because when he did come around, a hand full of times, it was after my son was in bed for the night and he was just trying to get me into bed. So I told him to leave us alone. I had a father that came around on and off and I didn't want that for my son. So he left us alone. When my son was around 1 1/2 I met a great guy. He loved my son from day one. We are now going on 9 years together 4 of them married.

I just wanted to share my story to let you know it I went through similar.
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  #26  
October 31st, 2011, 09:15 AM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 59
Still hurting, ever sad. Took a couple of quiet days to think. I did text Z on friday, he apologized for being so mean. Says he wants to do the right thing by me but didnt say what that is. He realizes this is hard but still stands in his decision. I guess. He didnt specify what his understanding of the right thing is. I remain confused. All of you have understood my feelings and I thank you for this amazing level of support.
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  #27  
October 31st, 2011, 01:55 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Most of us understand you because we have been in similar situations honey. We know what you are going through right now is not in the least bit easy.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #28  
November 2nd, 2011, 01:37 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 227
Either way someone is going to be upset. You really need to think things through and there isn't any need to rush. Please PM me if you want to talk.

I've been in this situation with my bf who is 25 yrs older than me.
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  #29  
November 3rd, 2011, 06:36 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 801
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaynZachBundle View Post
Still hurting, ever sad. Took a couple of quiet days to think. I did text Z on friday, he apologized for being so mean. Says he wants to do the right thing by me but didnt say what that is. He realizes this is hard but still stands in his decision. I guess. He didnt specify what his understanding of the right thing is. I remain confused. All of you have understood my feelings and I thank you for this amazing level of support.
(((Hugs)))
__________________


You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you, but if you walk the footsteps of stranger, you'll learn things you knew... you never knew.
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  #30  
November 3rd, 2011, 12:29 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 59
Ladies, thank you again. Many developments have transpired. First, I have cancelled my appointment to term. My 14yo boy was assaulted by 2kids and is in surgery to repair his fully displaced, fractured jaw(mandible) bone. So on top of my worries for my unborn, I am wrecked with worry about my first, feeding a wired jaw for the next month and how to pay this hefty hospital bill. Emergency assistance may come thru, not sure.

As for my beautiful bundle. Z and I text some more as he still had not called, breaking all promises. He still wants nothing to do with it but when I advised him he was forcing me to do something I didnt believe in, he backed off. He said if I want it, keep it. He doesnt care anymore.

I did tell my "Bestie" and she understood, and hugged me, and joked about my frequent urination and cravings and said...What a blessing! I know it wont be easy and i'm still scared. I applied at the hospital for insurance to help so cross fingers. I felt the pain of already being a mother seeing my son's beautiful jaw dangling from its frame. Lots of planning to do! Love you all for the neverending support.
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  #31  
November 4th, 2011, 03:59 AM
LauraTTCat42's Avatar Proud Host TTC-OM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,529
I am so sorry to hear of the tragedy with your son (((hugs))) I hope he has a speedy recovery and wish you the strength to see him through it.

It is so good to have loving, supportive friends with you. It was actually a really good friend that helped me find the strength to get through my pg with my daughter. I wouldn't worry too much about Z now. He needs time to sort this out too, whether he does or doesn't it doesn't matter right now. Expend your efforts on those that matter the most - you, your son and your little gift!

Lots of hugs girl - I am also here if you need to chat
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Laura and Anthony








Jun/July2012 - Cycle 11 started charting
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  #32  
November 4th, 2011, 08:30 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
I am so sorry about your son - how tragic. As I have boys his age and older I can only imagine what you are going through. Take care of you and your son, lean on your bestie for support and we are here for you.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



Reply With Quote
  #33  
November 4th, 2011, 01:16 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 227
I am so sorry to hear about your son. How terrible but he has a good mom taking care of him.

Don't forget to take care of yourself and if your friends offer to help, take advantage of it. You are a strong woman!
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  #34  
November 4th, 2011, 07:36 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 59
Thank you for the biggest dose of love I have had in a long time my MommieSisters!!! Everytime I read the updates I get teary. We have had a huge outpour of love from friends, our local community, and family. My boy is sad and depressed but he has my love holding him up. His Dad is in his life and has been in and out visiting. I am camped on the recliner again tonight. Uncomfortable but here, eating everything in sight, but here. My son has always brought me joy and we are amazingly close. Tonight before he drifted off under a heavy dose of pain meds he mumbled thru his wired jaw, I love you.

I haven't talked, text Z. This is his band's big weekend. Huge NYC show on Satuday night and performing at the NYC ING Marathon, tv coverage at 1230p on NBC, look for the beefy, sexy drummer-obviously cant name the band. I really have nothing to say anyway. I know where he stands and I am not the type of person to try to sabotage his long awaited moment in the sun. He's smart, NYU grad. I know he hasn't quite processed this and the more we interact right now, the more he will react. So I'm fine - without or with his blessing.

I still plan to wait till month 3 to clue in my family, especially after my son's trauma. Also, I really need to get my plan of action together. If my new bundle is sweet like this one, I will be doubly blessed.

I feel happy again, not scared and alone. Even my clients expressed amazing support for my boy. After what could have been much worse with my first, I know I cant give up my bundle. Mom does what she has to do for her babies. Love each of you. <3~<3
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  #35  
November 7th, 2011, 07:30 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 59
8 weeks today!!! Told my older brother who called me out of nowhere early this morning and said, "I had a feeling you needed me." Well, after the tears and a long conversation he offered for us to come live in TX with him and his family if we need to. He's a retired naval physician's aid. And a great guy. Told him about Zach and he said he would help raise his niece/nephew if need be. I feel so happy. After my son's ordeal, I know I can get thru most.

As for Zach, I announced my intent to keep, raise and lack of care for his money. He says he will take this to his grave and has no intent of ever being a part of the baby's life. I told him its his loss all around. I dont care to fight or force anyone into anything. He still wants me to abort but I stopped listening and went back to my big boy.

Then tonight, I told my Mom-who treated me like I was 15 and dont have two younger sisters with 5 and 3 kids. One who did start at 15 and was done with her 3girls by 22, and she called me crazy. So this is her 10th grandchild. She'll be happy soon. Giving up my loft soon and headed to my house and no mortgage/rent... Logistics, logistics... Thank you all!!!
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  #36  
November 9th, 2011, 06:52 AM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: LaMarque, Tx
Posts: 43
I'm glad you made the choice that was right for you and not what he wanted just to please him. It will be hard but you have apparently been raising you son by yourself already and even though it will be harder with another this is still your child. Could you even imagine life without your son that you have? I'm sure you didn't think you and his dad would be apart after you had him? But you did split and you did and still are doing it on your own so I'm positive you can doit with another.

My mom did the same thing everytime I told her I was pregnant. I was 19 with my first and 22 with my second and I was still living and very happily married to my husband with them 2 and we owned our own house and all that good stuff. This one I am 29 and I wasn't suppose to be able to get pregnant again but I did and I found out 2 weeks after me and my husband split up but I am taking care of my babies and yes he is around but not like he should be but that's ok it just makes my kids love and respect me more than anything else ever could.
Hope you have a very happy and healty pregnancy honey
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  #37  
November 11th, 2011, 04:58 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Thank goodness for brothers!! Sounds like you have a good sounding board in your brother and the "financial" lean on if you need it. You should also look into free healthcare for you and the baby if you don't have health insurance as well as WIC - The extra food will help you during your pregnancy and after.

As far as Z goes - you are being brave but at the same time I think you should hold him accountable financially as far as child support. But you still have time for that.

Oh and so you know, my mother went nuts when I told her I was pregnant and my pregnancy was very planned! We tried for 2.5 years with 4 miscarriages. When I told my mother she disowned me and kept calling me and my husband and telling us to abort because of my age. She has come around more since then but I still have not forgiven her for her lack of support.

Do you have a doctors appointment set up yet? I am so excited for you!
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



Reply With Quote
  #38  
November 12th, 2011, 09:34 AM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 59
@Medina, raised my boy alone from conception on. Dad was and is a deceitful, liar who is latgely a dirty sneak to this day. I have zero respect for him. It was always a fight about everything. This was largely why I chose to accept Zach's choice. We did text earlier this week but his anxst was offsetting my focus on my son's healing so I asked him to just let me be. I understand his side.

@Missy, shouldn't you be having a baby!!! I really thought you went into labor as I didnt see a post in a few days. I wish you well in delivery! I moved my appointment to December as a follow up to the term, so my first is 12/5. I am taking my prenatal and occasional iron as I constipate easily which becomes painful at times. My family, I dont care if they are involved, happy or otherwisr. My brother and I were not able to grow up together but we were close when we were. I am amazed he is so great and loving and feel blessed. Though I am sad at times, and scared, and angry that I have to give up my life here to move to my house in a less than hip and updated area. But thats not just for the bundle but now my son's safety also. btw, his recovery is going very well. External stitches removed yesterday and wires off thurs of this week. Jaw is looking set back in its place. Mad at him today though.

Love love love!!!
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  #39  
November 12th, 2011, 06:34 PM
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 13
I wish you the best, stay strong!!!
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  #40  
November 12th, 2011, 09:23 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
I have been having a strange labor - I will have contractions for hours then they stop again. I am 2-3 cm and 70% effaced though! They are going to induce me on Thursday... wow, after 16 years I am going to have a baby again. EXCITED!!

Are you taking extra folic acid as well? My doctors had me on 2,000 mcg's of folic acid a day to help ward off birth defects and because of my age. You can buy it anywhere.

I am all excited for your appointment! Will they do an ultrasound for you?

Sounds like your son is healing welll, it just sucks he was in that situation to begin with.

((hugs girly!!))
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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