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I'm currently six months pregnant with my first child, a son. When I first found out I was scared, but kind of excited, especially when my boyfriend was so happy with the news. Now though, I find myself thinking horrible thoughts about miscarriage (I haven't had an easy pregnancy and it's still a possibility), and what my life would be like right now if I wasn't pregnant, or what my life is going to be like once I have my baby. I'm currently unemployed, I was in the process of being laid off when I found out I was pregnant. Now it's practically impossible to find a job due to my need for maternity leave in a few months. All I can think about is how I can't go back to school as soon as I was planning, or how I didn't really get to enjoy my youth since I lived at home for so long. I'm 22 years old, lived on my own for one year, and now, I'll never be alone again. Am I a horrible person for resenting this child so much? I do love him, and I can't wait to meet him, but I'm scared because I do have these thoughts and I worry that I won't be a good mother to him. My boyfriend is super happy about the pregnancy, and my parents aren't thrilled, but they've accepted it. They love the baby, but are still upset about the circumstances. Many of my friends feel the same way as my parents, or they react as many young people do, "Ew, a baby?" I feel like there's no one I can talk to.
Hi, you're not a horrible person. Everything you are feeling is natural to who you and where you are in your lifestage. It sounds like you have much to celebrate, a boyfriend and parents who love the baby already. Your life is not over, a baby does not end the possibilities for your education, employment or socialization. You did say you love your baby, when you finally see his eyes, hold his little fingers and him in your arms, your bond will cement.
As long as you have your family's and friends and boyfriends support-you will be able to return to schl, work and more. Parents are always concerned for their children at any age. Its natural that they are concerned. Ask your mom for help when you need, and take a parenting class with yoyr boyfriend. Its fun and may help you feel more prepared for your bundle. If you decide you will breastfeed, I recommend a class also. If your boyfriend is so happy, be happy for that. Many of us are doing this alone because the man has optted out. You are blessed, just take care of yourself, eat right, take a walk to settle the nerves and appreciate the blessings you have.
What you are feeling is totally normal. Just remember a baby does not end your life..it just changes it.You can still go to school..maybe try taking some online classes first and look at the fact that having a baby will help you get grants.
Maybe it's time to get out and make some new friends. Maybe try going to LLL or ICAN meetings. Look for a mommy group in your area, take a parenting/birth class, those will not only put you in touch with other mommies but might get you feeling more involved with your baby.
Also I'm not going to be one of those people that tell you that as soon as you see and hold your baby there will be this strong loving bond between you. That dosen't happen for everyone. It didn't for me and I was super excited about my baby. I had her and truely felt for the first few weeks of her life that she could have been anyone's baby. I could have easily handed her over to a stranger at the door. I mean I loved her and protected her and cared for her but there was no great bond. It came later when she started smiling, giggling, and making noises. Now I'm hooked and can't imagine life without her. She's only 3 months old and I struggle to think about what I did before her. It will come eventually for you.
You aren't a bad person or a bad parent.If these thoughts are prevalent you should talk to your Dr though. It gets better I promise!