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I am 27, very soon to be 28, professional woman. I was dating a woman for 7 years and kids were always in our plan. That relationship ended two years ago and since, I have been dating men almost exclusively. Upon exiting my lesbian relationship, at 25, I started on birth control for the first time in my life. I hated it. I tried many kinds with my obgyn but nothing fit and I started to have dizzy spells and was hospitalized. I went off the hormonal BC. I decided that condoms and the PO method (in-conjunction w/ condoms) was the best for my body and my sanity... I never veered and was almost obsessive about my BC method.
I started dating a friend of a friend about two weeks ago. We have known each other for a little over six months and have hung out in groups; however just started going on dates and sleeping together. He is amazing. We really like each other, but do not have any explicit commitment or label. He has six-months until his divorce is final and wants to take things as they come... coming out of a similar situation... I agree that it is important to let the connection develop as it will.
That being said, we made the decision to sleep together without a condom or pulling out. (by making the decision... I mean we just DID it). If I count my days... I was ovulating when we had sex. We never talked about birth control (we used condoms the first few times). I am not sure if he assumed I was on it... I know he needs to be responsible for his decisions... but part of me feels guilty for not being explicit and having the 'here are our options about preventing babies' conversation..
I do not know if I am pregnant and I won't know for a good two weeks. What in the heck am I doing? I have never been 'irresponsible', in this way, in my life. Any advice or thoughts on how to proceed, how to talk to him or not talk to him, and/or how not to go crazy for the next 14 days?
One more thing... I am sure we are going to see each other soon and be intimate. Now that the condom is off... i need to figure out how to get it back on... I am feeling so overwhelmed.
My advice to you is to just sit him down and have a grown up talk with him. Explain to him that you do not want to be held captive to the clock every month to see when your period will arrive. Explain that you feel more comfortable with using condoms and the pull out method. I do recommend that you try the VCF strips. Basically these are strips that you place inside your body before you have sex to kill any sperm. This extra protection can be in place and will I think make you feel more comfortable overall.
I to cannot go on any hormonal BC and will never do it again. It has been to damaging to my body so I understand your need to stay away.
I also think that you need to have a std talk as well. Are you monogomous in this friendship, is he? If he is not is he safe with the other person. Even if he says he is I would not trust that and would continue to use condoms every single time if you want to continue your adult time with him.
I think if I had more time to think and type I would give you better advice. (i'm on lunch at work and in a hurry) good luck and remember in any relationship, kid, adult, teacher, boss, boyfriend, friend -- COMMUNICATION is what counts!