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It's OK to not be excited, right?


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 1 Post By PorterXVX

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  #1  
December 8th, 2011, 08:59 AM
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I'm 25, and my husband & I are separated. We aren't living together but have been kind of "dating" again & enjoying the perks that go along with dating/being technically still married. I was on NuvaRing & took the morning after pill the one night we had sex last cycle. I told myself I'd take a pregnancy test if I didn't start on my regular day, just to put my mind at ease that everything had worked. Well, I was shocked to get a BFP. I still am completely unsure about what I want to do. He really wants to terminate - our first sun was unplanned & we were fine with that, but he doesn't want to be a dad of 2 (which is part of the reason for our separation). And I'll admit that I've thought about it & that it would honestly be the easiest option, but I don't think I could actually go through with it. My son was an accident, but the happiest accident I've ever had. What if this baby would just be a 2nd happy accident? So then I'm considering adoption too, but I also don't know that I could give up a full sibling, knowing just how great my son is. But I just am at a terrible point to have another baby. I'm going back to school, DH and I will most likely end up divorcing, I'm not currently making much money, I've had some stomach issues lately that seem to have gotten worse in the last few days, and I'm just not ready. I don't know. I'm just not excited at all about this, and I feel guilty. I'm only almost to 5 weeks, so I know there are 35 more to potentially get excited. I just feel kind of crushed right now. Thanks for letting me vent a little.
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  #2  
December 8th, 2011, 04:08 PM
MommaTrish's Avatar bless your heart
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It's perfectly normal and OK to not be overly excited about an unplanned pregnancy, especially when you - like me - took steps to prevent one from happening.

When are you due? I went into college pregnant twice and thanks to luckiness in the due date department never had to miss much (if any) school because of pregnancy or delivering a baby. I just scheduled my appointments around classes. My first (well second - first due in college) was due between semesters, and the second one I just took a week off for it. I let all my teachers know well ahead of time that I was pregnant and would be due during the semester, how long I was looking to be gone (1-2 weeks depending), got the work we would be covering, or set up with the teacher to get emails about it.

So, if you want to keep the baby and do school it IS do-able. (Barring no serious complications in the pregnancy or birth - even then many teachers WILL work with you)

As for your soon-to-be ex, if y'all are divorcing he really has no say and has to go with your wishes.

Good luck in making a decision.
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  #3  
December 9th, 2011, 03:30 PM
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Thanks Trish. I'll be due in August (the 14th). Classes usually start the 17thish. So I'm thinking I'll take extra time off from working, but I'll try to start classes the 2nd week of the semester. It's just a lot to work out, but I can't let it stop me from going back to school.
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  #4  
December 9th, 2011, 05:17 PM
LondonAndAthensMommy's Avatar Chillin' in Mommywood ;)
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I think its fine to not be excited about an unplanned pregnancy - i am having my c-section on monday and i am still not excited.... my situation is way too stressful to have been excited.. so i hear ya.. i considered adoption but most people were against that.. i also considered abortion, but had previously had 2 in my life so i didn't wanna do it again....... soooo i think of it, it happened so musta been meant to happen..
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  #5  
December 13th, 2011, 07:12 AM
joey_emmysmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am in your situation I am pregnant with my 3rd from my husband but we are separated but "dating" also the only differnce between u and i is that I was told I couldn't have anymore children and for 5 years we haven't prevented and I haven't gotten pregnant until now. I am 28 weeks and still not to excited I have my moments of being happy about it but I think because of all the stress and uncertainty about where things will end up it is why we (u or I)can't get too excited. That doesn't mean we don't or wont love these babies the way we love our others. I know I wouldn't want to go on without this baby now even though I'm not excited I am very happy to have her growing in my belly.
I hope that things work out for you and hopefully you will start to feel some happiness about the baby that is coming.
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  #6  
December 13th, 2011, 05:53 PM
Raven_Haired_Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think it's totally natural. Mine was planned on a spur of the moment whim. I got pregnant first cycle. I was in total shock and wished I would not have become pregnant. I also suffer from severe depression so maybe that was part of it. Anyway I am happy to say I am 20 weeks and am very excited and happy now. I was worried I would never feel this way.

I agree with the person above. If you are getting a divorce anyway just worry about what YOU want. Good luck
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  #7  
January 16th, 2012, 03:56 AM
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thank you!!! im not exactly in the same situation as you, im 21 and this is my first and only unplanned pregnancy but im just so not ready and not excited about it...i just dont feel ready at all to be a parent. the couple people i have told are so excited for me and i just cant match their enthusiasm at all. im leaning towards adoption but i just dont even want to go through this pregnancy. im sorry for complaining especially as many people wish they could get pregnant i am just being honest happy someone else feels similarly
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  #8  
January 16th, 2012, 10:12 PM
MauMama's Avatar formerly La_Sirena
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Aflock -- I think it is completely ok to be honest. Your feelings are natural and normal.

If you do look into adoption make sure it's what you feel the enthusiasm for. Don't let other people's desire for you to be a mom push you into something you don't want.

There is an end in sight, all pregnancies lead to something. Get through day by day and know that you're doing the very best you can.
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  #9  
January 17th, 2012, 11:36 AM
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Hi Aflock sorry you are having such a difficult time right now.
I'm 25, this is my first pregnancy completely unplanned and extremely scary. I have already graduated from college have my career but my BF is no where near being done with school. He has 3 more semesters till his bachelors and then is attempting to get into a doctorate program after that, another 3 years. He's in a very difficult and tight situation financially and things were stressful for him even before finding out about the pregnancy. I initially thought the kindest easiest thing for both of us would be to abort knowing that things would be very difficult having a child unmarried and on 1-salary. However after telling him he was adamantly against it and we have decided to keep it. Thing is i still have many periods during the day where I wish I would have done the abortion or could do it now. Point being, even though I've committed to seeing the pregnancy through I have many moments of frustration, anger, and regret about this decision. It's normal to not be excited in situations such as ours.
No matter the decision you make, motherhood, adoption, or abortion you and your SO must be ok with it. It doesn't matter what your family, friends, or even us strangers on a message board advise you to do.
If you chose abortion you may regret it but you may not and might have a family in a few years when things are more stable . If you chose adoption, yes, it will be difficult and yes giving up the child may break your heart for a while but you go on with your life knowing you gave that child the family and life you imagined for it. And you always do have the option of an open adoption.
Point being every woman and every situation is unique and it's up to you to decide what the right decision is.
Sorry, I didnt mean to write a volume or get on a soapbox, i really just wish you the best in whatever you decide.
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  #10  
January 23rd, 2012, 07:15 AM
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I had a positive pregnancy test in college and I was devastated. I love children and I wanted them, just not at that point in my life. It ended up being a false positive, but I was so surprised that I wasnt happy when I first saw the BFP. Your reaction is completely normal. I think as the pregnancy continues and you have time to think about the whole situation, you'll feel better about things and be able to figure out whats going to work for you and your life.

Good luck!
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  #11  
January 29th, 2012, 07:43 PM
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I had an unplanned pregnancy: I dated an abusive, bipolar guy and got pregnant. I was depressed and unhappy for months but I didn't want to terminate and I couldn't give her up for adoption. I didn't get excited about the pregnancy until I ran away from him and moved back home with my family, 3 months after I found out I was pregnant. And even then, I wasn't super into it until I actually gave birth to my baby. My family were super supportive and helped me prepare for the baby. I now have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, born November 2011. I'm so glad I had her but I'm even more glad I got away from her real father. It's going to be hard, being a single mother with very little money but I have my family to support me and help me so that's all me and my little one need.

I think this little "accident" will be wonderful for you. You're right: you'll have plenty of time to gear up for the baby. And you'll be a lovely mother, again, excited right now or not.
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Last edited by PorterXVX; January 29th, 2012 at 09:49 PM.
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  #12  
January 30th, 2012, 08:19 AM
pauriemmo's Avatar Veteran
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I planned my current pregnancy and I'm not always excited. My situation, however, is not the same. I really feel for you. I hope that you're able to decide on what's best for you and your family.
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  #13  
March 17th, 2012, 06:00 AM
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I'm so glad to read all these supportive responses. I'm 27, have a career, and possibly want kids someday but not now. I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant and due at the end of October.

However, I'm not at all excited about this pregnancy and my bf says I'm selfish and immature for not wanting a baby. I'm sure I'll love it when it comes, and am doing everything possible to have a healthy pregnancy, but I still am mourning the Loss of my life and how I wanted things to go. I hate feeling like a monster for not being excited, but I know I am going to care for this baby and love it when it arrives. I feel soooo sorry for those people who want nothing more than to be parents and can't conceive, but i am not one of them.... I'm not ready for this.
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  #14  
April 12th, 2012, 05:09 PM
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Totally normal to feel that way!
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