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pregnant from a guy i think is disgusting


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
April 26th, 2012, 08:12 AM
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Hi
I just found out im pregnant about 5 weeks. I always wanted to have a baby and im almost 26 years old now. but the guy im pregnant from i am disgusted by ! He has been bothering me for months so i decided to finally give him a chance to get to know me. I wasnt sure of his ability to have children because he told me his doctor said he couldnt because of the medication he takes for his seizures. Why i had sex with him i dont know i am disgusted to be honest. I do want to have kids but its like i want him erased from my life. He is lazy, doesnt work and blames his seizures on him not being able to have a job. He even started to stop taking care of his hygiene such as not trimming his nails or cutting his hair and brushing his teeth. its gross. He is so immature he has to have his mom wake him up to take him medication on time. What can i do? my friend told me the child will be stupid like him and im worried about it having seizures too because i dont know if its genetic.

My question is what to do? also i was talking to a french canadian guy who i havent met him but we have been talking and he wants to pay for my trip to canada and is telling me to hurry and have an abortion before it becomes a child because right now its just the processes taking place . And he offered to pay for the abortion. I talked to my friend about my plans and she said if I feel i dont want to have the kid she would keep it and now im just confused. Someone please help me. i know i was stupid but the main problem is i want that guy erased from my life and i dont want to be bound to him.


Thank you
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  #2  
April 26th, 2012, 10:48 AM
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This is a tough situation you're in right now. Any woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant is going to be anxious about the future. I can see that you are trying to figure out what to do about the father of the baby as well as have many other questions and thoughts going through your mind.

You said that you have talked to your friend and the guy from Canada about your pregnancy, but you didn't mention anything about having family to be there for you. I know how beneficial it is for me to have a support network when I am making major life decisions. sourbubblegum, you might want to look into getting some help from a local pregnancy resource center. The staff are caring, non-judgmental and can provide additional counsel. And, I know that you can locate centers by giving OptionLine a call at 1-800-712-HELP. Their site offers a great deal of useful information about issues related to an unplanned pregnancy. This might be worth taking a look.

I will be praying for you and this precious new life!
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  #3  
April 26th, 2012, 12:57 PM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Just because the father is an idiot, does NOT make the child one. And children should never have to pay for the faults of the parent.

and, I mean no disrespect by this, but if you thought this guy was so gross... where was the birth control?

I'm totally pro choice, but make sure you make this decision for the right reasons.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.
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  #4  
April 26th, 2012, 02:16 PM
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If you need to talk pm me. I agree. Children shouldn't suffer for there parents mistakes. I am pro-life, and I don't believe it's a woman's right to choose to abort her baby. This is a super stressful situation no doubt! Take plenty of time to think about the future. Decisions made rashly are very often regretted. Lean on your friend for support, sounds like she really cares. God bless you lots!
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  #5  
April 26th, 2012, 06:47 PM
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Hi

Thanks you everyone for being polite even though i know i was a complete idiot. The hotline number seems to be a good help. I am going to try it.

I was thinking about how i would be bound to him because even though i do not like the guy i dont want to be taking his rights away. i thought about keeping the child and getting married soon if i can and its possible my future husband could adopt my child especially if he has children already and i would have a family for my child. at the same time i feel if i didnt let the real father be around the child i would be erasing his rights and i feel its cruel. but its just embarrising that i was even with him and my family is going to wonder what i was thinking. sometimes i feel he lied to me on purpose about not being able to have kids to try to make me marry him and be with him which makes me even more angry. He doesnt work and when he found that i had decided to room with my co worker to save on money he asked me what about me and him? i asked him if he realized the point of having a room mate was to save money and he said he was trying to find a job. (i never see him try) i told him trying doesnt pay my bills and i felt like he just wants to leech off of me .
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  #6  
April 27th, 2012, 06:28 PM
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I'm sorry that you're going through such a stressful situation. Everyone makes their mistakes through life and it's how we pull through them and the choices that we make that makes us stronger and defines us.
I would start focusing on YOU. Right now it seems like you obviously don't want to be with the father of the baby (and that's perfectly okay of course) so put marriage aside for the moment and focus on your life with your child.
And just because he is the father of your child doesn't mean you have to have a big relationship with him. I've always thought that parents should be as civil and remain friends as much as possible BUT if there is going to be conflict and the relationship has to stick to simply conversation and saying hi to each other when your child is going from home to home, that's okay.
How your child is going to be is going to depend on how you raise him/her. Don't base them on the father and don't take this choice out on the child either. When my parents got divorced my mother took out her anger towards my father out on us and vice versa. It's not fun.
I hope you're able to pull through this. Try and stay strong and like I said, focus on YOU because you're going to be the one raising this child, you can't depend on a future marriage to a guy you don't even know yet. Good luck.
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  #7  
April 29th, 2012, 06:58 PM
OatmealKisses's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sourbubblegum View Post
also i was talking to a french canadian guy who i havent met him but we have been talking and he wants to pay for my trip to canada and is telling me to hurry and have an abortion before it becomes a child because right now its just the processes taking place . And he offered to pay for the abortion.
Don't meet the canadian guy. Anyone that is trying to rush you through a decision that will completely alter people's lives, and possibly end a baby's, is not thinking of anyone but HIMSELF in the situation. You need to just worry about what YOU think and what you want to do.

Flying out to meet someone you never met from the internet is VERY dangerous. I would never recommend it to any woman.

I would highly recommend cutting out the canadian guy from my life. That situation has trouble written all over it, and you already have enough on your plate.

I also recommend counseling, as someone else already suggested.
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  #8  
April 30th, 2012, 10:24 PM
Loving6's Avatar Formerly Loving4
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Just in the process is what he told you,it likely has a heartbeat now and it's half yours.Do what you need to do but I hate it when an innocent life has to pay for it.Good luck with whatever you decide.
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  #9  
May 1st, 2012, 12:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkorblue7 View Post
If you need to talk pm me. I agree. Children shouldn't suffer for there parents mistakes. I am pro-life, and I don't believe it's a woman's right to choose to abort her baby. This is a super stressful situation no doubt! Take plenty of time to think about the future. Decisions made rashly are very often regretted. Lean on your friend for support, sounds like she really cares. God bless you lots!
actually it is a womans right to choose. who are you to say differently? do you think its "gods decision to make"
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  #10  
May 1st, 2012, 10:16 AM
writerchick324's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I saw forget both guys! Don't trust one you have met online, no matter how legitamate they seem. You have wanted a child, then have this child! It will have parts of it's father, but also parts of you! Everyone makes mistakes, but it doesn't mean that you are gross for sleeping with someone. I have done that before.

I think you should raise the child on your own. It sounds like your friend is willing to help and support you. Ultimately it is your decision, but that above is what I would do.
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  #11  
May 3rd, 2012, 12:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LondonAndAthensMommy View Post
actually it is a womans right to choose. who are you to say differently? do you think its "gods decision to make"
She is a woman with an opinion. Just as you are with one, don't make someone feel bad about their beliefs/opinions because it can be taken as rude.

Dear OP:

First of all, you should not have slept with him if you thought he was disgusting. Having seizures (Epilepsy?) is actually very dangerous, and most jobs will not take you depending on how severe the case is. That being said, he is obviously using his disease an an excuse to debilitate his life.

Personally, I say drop BOTH men. You do not need a man to raise a baby, and many women can successfully do it. If your family is close enough to you to see through that mans act, then I'm sure they would help you support that baby. Do not take the actions of the father and assume it will be "stupid" just because the father has made some weird decisions. I'm sure he isn't stupid, he's just dependent from what I can see. The Canadian man only cares about himself, and meeting a person off the Internet is VERY dangerous.

Don't listen to others, we can only comment from experience and knowledge, but ultimately this is a decision that will stick with you for life. Don't think abortion is the easy way out, and both options are going to be very hard on you... But make them for yourself because we don't live your life and our beliefs may be completely different from your own.
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  #12  
May 8th, 2012, 07:01 PM
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Hi you guys thank you for the comments.

I was thinking about this and you guys adviced me that i do not have to stay with him. He has no car or job and lives with his parents. Say for example I find a job in another state which is very far from him since i have a degree and want to do something with it. Would i be unable to move because of his visitation rights? I know it sounds selfish but how bad is it if i just didnt tell him or moved away and sort of pencilled him out of my life? Would it be kidnapping or something if i just moved to another state if i found a job there ? im just trying to consider all my options .

thank you


i was still talking to the french canadian and his point of view is that i would be keeping a sin in my life and be constantly reminded of that guy and that nobody will be with me if im pregnant from someone else. how hard would it be to get married later on if im a single mom? does anyone have this experience?

Last edited by sourbubblegum; May 8th, 2012 at 07:06 PM.
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  #13  
May 8th, 2012, 07:38 PM
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you dont have to even list him as the father on the birth certificate. he does not have any rights just because he is the father rights have to be established. you can do whatever you want and move where ever you want. as far as nobody wanting to marry you because you have someone elses child that is complete crap. i have a child from someone else and i found an amazing man who loves me and my daughter and treats her like his child. that guy is a jerk. a real man would not be afraid of dating a woman with a child.
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  #14  
May 9th, 2012, 09:41 AM
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Are you positive sarah? i tried looking it up online and it says that if your unmarried the father still does have rights and that he would be granted visitation and child support. Well i would not be able to move then if he has visitation rights and i wouldnt be able to have someone else whoever i decide to marry adopt him unless he signs his rights away .
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  #15  
May 9th, 2012, 04:53 PM
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you do not have to list him as a parent on the birth certificate. he would have to establish paternity and then go for rights if he wanted to and that takes a lot of time. my friend had a baby with a guy and she did not list him as the father. the father never faught for rights and now she is married and her husband adopted her daughter.
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  #16  
May 10th, 2012, 07:19 PM
OatmealKisses's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sourbubblegum View Post
i was still talking to the french canadian and his point of view is that i would be keeping a sin in my life and be constantly reminded of that guy and that nobody will be with me if im pregnant from someone else. how hard would it be to get married later on if im a single mom? does anyone have this experience?
Don't live life on this guy's terms. You, and just you alone, will have to live with whatever decision you make, NOT this guy. You don't need some jerk pressuring you into ANYTHING!

True, there will be guys that will not be interested in a single mom. It happens. Those are not the type of guys you would want to be with anyway. Your baby would be weeding them out of your life. Who would want to be with that type of man?
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  #17  
May 10th, 2012, 09:48 PM
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My mom was a single mom of 3. She found an amazing man who loves her so much and has always treated us like his own children. There are good men out there who aren't afraid to open up their hearts to a wonderful woman and her child.

P.S. The Canadian guy sounds like a manipulative jerk. Just sayin'.
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  #18  
May 10th, 2012, 09:51 PM
KiwiMommy's Avatar Ashlynn's Mama
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sourbubblegum View Post
Are you positive sarah? i tried looking it up online and it says that if your unmarried the father still does have rights and that he would be granted visitation and child support. Well i would not be able to move then if he has visitation rights and i wouldnt be able to have someone else whoever i decide to marry adopt him unless he signs his rights away .
I don't know where you live, but my daughter's father is not on her birth certificate and he has NO rights as far as I know. Granted I could get child support if I felt the need to, but I do not. He knew of his child, but chose to pretend she didn't exist..so I let him. He didn't deserve her anyways with that attitude.
I can also say I am disgusted by my daughter's father as well. I wasn't prior, but after he showed his "true colors" in the early stages (before 6 weeks) of my pregnancy, I grew to despise him.
I kept my daughter. The first time I looked at her, I loved her with every ounce of my being. I don't look at her and see him. I look at her and see her. She's MY child and as far as I'm concerned, I am the only thing in her. It's my dna.
Her father has adhd.. Sure, it's not epilepsy/seizures, but it can cause problems nonetheless. I still wanted my child. Being a single mother really isn't that awful. I enjoyed it I'm with someone now and we are having a son and he considers my daughter his own. He tucks her in at night, gives her kisses on her boo boos, makes us all dinner, etc. THAT is a real man.
One who tells you to hurry up and abort your child? NOT a real man. That is a coward who doesn't want you for you and whatever "baggage" you may be carrying. He wants you and JUST you. Children are a blessing and any man not willing to accept if you have a child (or a growing child in this case) is not worth your time.
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  #19  
May 11th, 2012, 05:49 AM
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I had 2 children from a previous abusive relationship and he constantly mentally abused me and forced me to stay with him by saying that no one would love me because of my children. He even went as far as to say that no one would love my children like their own. I wish I would have NEVER listened to him.

Six years ago I found my current hubby who changed my view on life. He was the best thing to ever happen to me or my children. He adopted them and is for all extents and purposes their father. There are times I forget he is not biologically their dad. I have never known happiness like this and I regret nothing. My husband and children are the light of my life. We are expecting our first child together next month too.

As for what I believe, that does not matter. I am prolife, but the only thing that matters is what you want. He does not have any rights if you do not put his name on the birth certificate (even if you do he does not because yall are not married). He would have to go to court and establish rights through a paternity test. From what it sounds like he wouldn't have money to do so anyway. That is your decision though. Also, let me say that my ex husband was an ignorant ***. Stupid, alcoholic, worthless, and I could go on and on. My children are NOTHING like him. I've raised them different. They actually remind me of my current hubby.

I hope you make this decision based upon what you feel and not upon the opinions of others. Screw the Canadian guy. The simple fact he would say something like that disgusts me. Drop him NOW. He sounds controlling and abusive. As for your friend, he/she is stupid to say that the baby would be born stupid. You do what you want to do. Move if you want to. No one even has to know that you are pregnant.
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