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just looking for some advice..


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 1 Post By sara121773

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  #1  
May 7th, 2012, 05:12 PM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2
Hi well to begin I'm 18 and just found out I'm pregnant. I really have no one to talk to at all so I decided to try to see if maybe I could get some advice on here. So I cant tell my parents they would most likely just kick me out of the house. My best friend isn't talking to me at the moment and my boyfriend doesn't want to talk about it anymore, so I feel completely lost and alone. My boyfriend wants me to get an abortion and I no that would probably be a smart choice, but it's really not what I want to do. I no if anyone in my family knew they would be extremely disappointed in me and pissed. I have a decently good job it's not something that is going turn into a career but its enough money to afford a cheap apartment which is what I'm considering doing. The thing is i really want my boyfriend to want to be there for me. We have been together for almost a year and a half and he has lived with me since 2 months after we started dating. I thought he would always be there for me and I don't know how I would do it without him especially since I have no one else. I'm so depressed I don't no what to do anymore when ever I am not keeping myself busy I'm balling my eyes out. My boyfriend thinks it's selfish of me to want to keep it because he doesn't want a kid and he thinks neither of us are ready and it would ruin our lives. I no it is not the time but I really don't want to go through with an abortion I no I would regret it more than anything. He says if i get an abortion we can work on our relationship, but if I keep it he will be there for the kid and that is it because he can't handle having a kid and being in a relationship. I really need advice I have no idea what to do anymore.
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  #2  
May 7th, 2012, 09:22 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: new mexico
Posts: 201
i would start with your parents hun, i was scared of the same thing. event though i am just a little older i had just moved back home with them. and what they have to say may suprise you. i was worried about all of that, and dont think that abortion is your only option you can always do adoption. also dont think you need your BF to do this if he is not going to support your choice he is not right.
unplanned pregnancy is probably the hardest thing i ever had to deal with but after i told my dad he put things in perspective for me. if you are really unsure about talking to them find some kind of counseling there is always someone to talk to, chruch, school, or work. i hope that this site will give you some kind of help though.
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  #3  
May 8th, 2012, 09:35 AM
kazarmo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,354
I think I may have posted my story before in one of these forums but I feel youíre in need of some advice from someone who has been there done that. My circumstances were slightly different than yours but only a little bit.

Iím going to make this as short as I possibly can so itís not just a wall of text.

On my 18th birthday I found out I was pregnant, my reaction was pure joy though. I was happy to be pregnant and I thought I had a supportive boyfriend. Now I did get pregnant on the depo shot so we both thought it was safe to have fun.

My boyfriends reaction was not so happy. He never asked me to get an abortion but he just wasnít happy about the pregnancy. We also lived together and as time went on he just dealt with it. He knew how much I wanted the baby.
I told all of my family pretty early on and I was only supported by one brother and by my mom eventually. The rest of my family basically said I could never do it that I was to young blah blah blah.
Well my pregnancy progressed and relationship with the father regressed. Things got bad between us, even to the point of me leaving a couple of times.
My baby was born and things were good for quite some time. I ebf her for a year even while the relationship with the father got worse and worse. I did eventually leave him for good. Let me tell you that leaving him was so hard, but being a single mom to this mini human was even harder. I worked my butt off to supply the necessities for her and make sure she grew up in a loving environment.

To sum it all up:
This baby I had at 18 is now 15 years old and one of the greatest joys of my life. I did an awesome job in raising her with no help from the father (not even money) once I left him. I worked many crazy hours, plus went to school for most of her life and we both came out of it ok. No I have to change that, we came out of great. We are both great people and I am sooo proud of how Iíve raised her and Iím proud to be her mom.
I feel like if you have the mindset to take care of yourself and be willing to be responsible for something so awesome as a baby then you can do it.

Do not let others influence your choice in having this baby. You do what you feel is best for you. If itís to have this baby then do it. If you feel like your life will be ruined then look to another avenue.

Iím all about pro-choice for others but am not pro-choice for myself. After having gone through 2 births now and having two wonderful daughters I donít think I could ever change what nature intended.

Whatever you decide will be best for you. The father I do feel has a say so to an extent but not the right to tell you what to do with your body. Hugs my friend and trust that things will work out in the end. Just know that there is never an endÖ.. If you decide to raise this child yourself it will always be a journey of many happy milestones.
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dd15 born weighing 6 pds 2 ounces, 19 inches. 12-3-96
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dd9 months born weighing 6 pds 5 ounces, 19 1/2 inches. 12-22-2011
Expecting baby #3 ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!!! woot woot

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  #4  
May 8th, 2012, 12:14 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 9
I thought I would jump on here. You have been receiving some great advice. Megs120031 and kazarmo -- it was so good to read about your experiences with your unplanned pregnancies!

I am sorry that you aren't getting the support you need from your boyfriend right now and that you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to. It is obvious that you love this precious life you are carrying, but you don't know what to do.

I realize this is scary, but it is important that you tell your parents about this. So, as it was suggested above, I would sit them down and let them know what is going on. Also, you might want to look into getting some help from a local pregnancy resource center if you're parents or family members aren't supportive. They have a lot of resources available for teenagers like yourself. And, I know you can locate ones in your area by giving OptionLine a call (1-800-712-HELP). If you're interested, I've also heard with working with Focus on the Family that there is a website called Teenbreaks that is made for teens who have found out they're pregnant. So, might be worth checking out. I'll be praying for you and your baby!
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  #5  
May 8th, 2012, 02:25 PM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2
Thank you so much for all of your advice. I do really wana keep my baby, and your right I no i should talk to my parents about it I think I'm going to try to tell my mom tonight. I am just scared for my dad to find out me and him already don't have the best relationship. It's really good to hear your stories,they really help me. It gives me hope that I can do this and things will work out and be ok. I always say things happen for a reason and this is no different. My boyfriend doesn't seem like he is gona come around he doesnt even act like we together any more but I realize that Im better than that if he doesnt wana be there for me its his loss. Im scared but I no this is what I want. Thank you all soo much.
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  #6  
May 8th, 2012, 07:32 PM
Ali and Jillybeans mom :)
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hemlock, NY
Posts: 1,663
i found out i was pregnant when i was just 20. for me abortion was not an option at all. i had been with my daughters father for almost 3 years and we tried to make it work. when i told my parents i was so scared. my parents were both disappointed and my mom cried. they were not happy at all cause my daughters father is a deadbeat. my parents told me later on that they were disappointed in me for getting pregnant (i was on birth control it was just an honest accident) but that they would have been more disappointed if i had had an abortion. you might be surprised by the support you get from your parents. also i was a single mom when she was 8 months old and moved back home lived with my parents till i could get on my feet then i got a place for me and my daughter. it was not easy but i worked 2 to 3 jobs at once to support us. she is 5 now and it has been all worth it! it is obvious you do not want an abortion, do not let your bf talk you into something you will regret because you are the one who will have to live with that the rest of your life. i made it work working part time and paid my bills, it was hard but like i said it was worth it. sometimes an unplanned pregnancy can be the biggest blessing in your life.
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