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Crisis pregnancy really need support/advice


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 2 Post By katie2510
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  #1  
May 15th, 2012, 09:04 PM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2
Hi there
I am currently 6wks 4d in my first and very unplanned pregnancy. I know that this is a very touchy and difficult subject but I am currently considering abortion. I have my first appointment for consultation tomorrow and am feeling anxious, confused, heartbroken and terrified.

A little about me: I am engaged to an amazing man who I have been with for four years, we are both 25 years old and in no way ready for a baby. The reasons that we feel not already are that firstly my fiancée just graduated uni last month and I am graduating in August which means that I only work part time and my fiancée just started looking for his first job in his field. This we are not financially stable at all. We have an apartment and support outselves but we live very much like students still. We both feellike we are too young for a child, we don't have any of the things that a household with a child should have and that terrifies us.

Another huge issues (pls don't judge) but we were opiate users for the last few years but have been totally clean for five months. Yet it stills scares us that we have that in our recent past.

Aborting my child makes me want to cry. I really would love keep the baby and my fiancée has assured me that he will support me no matter what I decide. I feel so heartbroken and alone. I truly do not know what to do! I just feel terrified that I would not be capable of motherhood or would be terrible at it but at the same time the idea of going I there and ending my baby's life makes me want to die on the table as well. Please any advice or support would be so greatly
appreciated... I feel so alone.

Ps. Although I realize that adoption is a lovely gesture I do not feel it is for me
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  #2  
May 15th, 2012, 09:25 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,259
to me, it sounds like you really DON'T want to abort this child. i would suggest that you go for your consult but also go for one that will give you an u/s so you can see what it is that is growing inside you. that may help you to decide.

as for the other reasons you shared -- no unplanned pregnancy is easy. i speak from experience during a time when it was really not ok to carry through with. there are so many options to provide for a child...you can find a way if you really want to. even the most strict families have a way of stepping up to the plate to support girls in this situation. oh and no first time parent feels qualified at the beginning but trust me, you find out day by day how to do the job.

believe me, if you decide to go forward, you will not be sorry once that baby is here. if you abort, i guarantee you that at some point in your life you will regret it. whatever you chose to do, i hope you find peace in your decision. God bless you.
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  #3  
May 16th, 2012, 05:10 AM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8
I know all about UN planned pregnancies all of mine were, including the one i'm carrying. I know all about it not being ready. I had my first child when I was 18, he had a heart problem too. I went through a lot with my first child and u made it through. they're a joy and it will be hard at times but it is worth it to watch your child grow. I have the kids and on my fourth and I even struggle everyday, that's just motherhood. I wish you luck and I hope everything goes well.
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  #4  
May 16th, 2012, 07:12 AM
katie2510's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 440
I would never judge you... so don't worry...

I think none of us are every ready for that first baby. Me being one of them. I was in a similar situation... we were not yet engaged but found ourselves pregnant and not sure what to do. We were not financially ready and not emotionally ready either. But wouldn't you know 9 months went by and ready or not our little perfect boy came along and scooped both of us off our feet and we are so in love and wouldn't have done it any other way. A child will make you mommy and daddy... it just come natural and if you do decide to have a baby i can bet you will feel the same way in 7.5 months from now
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  #5  
May 16th, 2012, 09:05 AM
Lyndsey2013's Avatar Mom to 2 + 3
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 848
My advice is that you have a very candid conversation with your doctor at your first appointment about your concerns. You have a difficult decision to make, and nobody can decide what is best for your situation except you. It sounds like your fiance is a great guy who will be supportive no matter what. Whatever decision you make, just make sure it's one that you can be at peace with yourself - whatever decision that may be. Good luck to you - it won't be easy.
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  #6  
May 16th, 2012, 11:41 AM
Newbie
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2
**UPDATE**
Thank you ladies for all of your kind words and support, I needed it now so badly. Although fiancée is wonderfully supportive he is dealing with his own fears and anxiety and also is au man, so as much as he tries he cannot understand exactly how I feel since he does not feel the child growing in himself and cannot comprehend the bond that a pregnant woman feels to her baby whether planned or not.

Today I had my consultation Which was actually very helpful (although emotionally agonizing). I was fortunate that I received excellent and compassionate care. I had a U/S and they determined that I am slightly earlier than my first date according to LMP. I am only 6wk 1d and was offered a medical abortion whereby I would complete the termination completely at home and only need to return once for another U/S later to confirm that the procedure was complete.

So as of right now I am holding on my lap an envelope containing two round of pills, the first which must be taken in the next few days (no later than 4 days from now) which will end the life of the embryo and a second set of pills which are inserted vaginally 24 hrs later to expell the pregnancy. Also in the envelope is an ultrasound photo of my perfect little baby.

This agonizing choice must be made in the next few days, and the sooner the better if i choose to terminate. I am soul crushingly confused, my heart aches and my mind is reeling. I can honestly say I have NO idea what to do. I have no one to talk to about this whatsoever. I have ZERO relationship with my family and no other social support other than my fiancée. I have no clue how to make this decision. The idea of keeping the baby makes me have a Panic attack yet looking at my baby's US photo makes me want to cry.

I'm so sorry for pouring my heart out but I just feel so lost, scared and alone. I really need some advice or even just a few kind words from other ladies who have been through this heart wrenching decision
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  #7  
May 16th, 2012, 12:32 PM
*treefrog*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,579
Oh hun...you are breaking my heart. I have no magic words of advice...I have never been in your shoes. I just wanted to add that I respect you and your DH for quitting drugs and being clean for the last few months. If you have the strength for that you have the strength for a lot of things. I wish you peace in your decision regardless of what you choose to do! ((((HUGS)))))
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  #8  
May 16th, 2012, 01:50 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
My son was unplanned when I was just about the same age that you are now. I was barely supporting myself and finishing my second degree (I was fortunate that I had already finished my bachelor's). His father wanted me to abort him, but I could not be happier now with the decision to keep him. For me, it was never a choice. We have a wonderful life, and I love him more than anything.

I know it is an agonizing decision, I really do. Someone said it earlier, but it really does bear repeating, it is NEVER a perfect time to have a baby. No matter how long you have been married, how much money you make, how stable your family is, having a baby always changes everything. It's always unpredictable, and very few people ever feel truly ready! And yet, an overwhelming majority of babies grow into wonderful adults! I promise things have a way of working out If you keep your baby, there are so many forms of aid, services, school financial aid and grants are really focused to help parents finish their education. Sure, the timing isn't great, but I KNOW you can do it. Plus, you have options if you decide against abortion. You can decide on adoption, if you wanted, up until the very last second, or you can change your mind on adoption if it is a route your pursue, up until the last second. You CANNOT change your mind on an abortion. Once you take that first pill, it's over.

I hope I'm not sounding harsh! I don't mean to! I really am compasionate for your position. The way your write, though, and talk about your baby, you are already a mother to the little bean. You always will be a mother to this baby, regardless of what you decide. I am 100% positive you will not regret having this child. It might be hard, yes, but it's also so worth it. Can you guarantee that you won't regret aborting it?
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  #9  
May 17th, 2012, 11:02 PM
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Half Moon Bay, California
Posts: 13
I know it is an agonizing choice to make and I feel for you.
I agree with the others who replied that there is no perfect time or situation when having a baby. But things work out one way or another and you won't believe how much you love your own child. It is a joy, The joy that makes up for all the hard work, and yes it is hard work, I have a son and it is both wonderful and stressful to be a mother, but it is truly amazing to have a new life grow inside you and to see your baby grow and develop.

If you choose abortion, be kind to yourself....sadness is natural afterwards. Know that you made the best choice you could in the circumstances.

Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.
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  #10  
May 17th, 2012, 11:24 PM
mommyakawifey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 2,634
any update?
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  #11  
May 18th, 2012, 04:32 AM
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 16
Your posts made my heart ache. I feel for you. I really do! Keep us updated
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  #12  
May 18th, 2012, 05:07 PM
abur's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,026
I am almost at tears from your update post. I can't imagine sitting there with those things in hand, polar opposites of each other.

When I first took a pregnancy test and found out that I was pregnant (around 6wk4d), I couldn't imagine keeping the baby. My first thought was abortion. But my boyfriend (now fiance) asked if that is what I really wanted, I would keep saying that I just couldn't abort it. When I saw the ultrasound at 8 weeks, I couldn't imagine losing the baby. Now, at 20 weeks, I cannot wait to meet my baby girl. Like many have said, no one is ever ready to have a kid, and yes there are MANY resources for pregnant women and new moms.

Just know that you are not alone!!!
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  #13  
May 18th, 2012, 07:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,249
I hope that you are ok and know that no matter what you decide things have a way of working out and you will be ok! Good luck!
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  #14  
May 24th, 2012, 07:31 AM
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 31
My first and 2nd baby are all unplanned. I also thought an abortion with my first baby because my boyfriend(now my husband) has no job and my family don't like him. But we have to be brave and fight for our feelings (love). When the baby was born all became like a magic, he got a job and my family accepted him. Being a mother is a wonderful feeling.

We just have to believe in faith that in every lives there is a good side.
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  #15  
June 17th, 2012, 01:18 AM
.:Kati:.'s Avatar kyler's mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: memphis,TN
Posts: 930
Any update,where did you run off to? I can relate i considered abortion for a spilt second when my doctor told me i was the last person that needed to be pregnant with the medication's i was on. That abortion thought went away fast and i was having kyler no matter what risks i was told could happen,i already loved him from the moment i found i was pregnant there's no way i could have lived with myself having an abortion. Now that i've had my son i couldn't imagine my life WITHOUT him.
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  #16  
June 23rd, 2012, 08:51 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 224
Update??? If it makes you feel better, I was a definite oops baby as my mom got pregnant when she was 14 even though when my dad found out his dad moved him to florida so he wouldn't have to deal with it... (She can get prego her first time, but I can't in a year??! lol) anyways, my mom was in a much less stable state than you and your fiance are and I turned out JUST fine!
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