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Totally Unexpected Pregnancy


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 1 Post By Kate76

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  #1  
July 22nd, 2012, 10:53 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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So, on day 41 of my cycle, with no period, I decided to take a pregnancy test and was shocked to find a faint positive line. Tested again this morning to find an even clearer and definite positive line. I am officially pregnant. I can post a picture later. Not sure what I am feeling right now...

We had been attempting natural family planning, but a few months ago my cycle started acting weird and just randomly added a week, after being clockwork for years. Not sure if it went back to the regular cycle or what, but I definitely miscalculated my ovulation date. We are not ready for a baby and don't have health insurance. I'm contacting my local health department tomorrow to find out what my options are in terms of health care. According to MyMonthlyCycle, I should be about 4 or 5 weeks along now.

I can't believe how similar this feels to AF. I was thinking I was going to start AF on the 16th, had cramps and everything, but it never came. I still have light cramping, like I normally do the day before AF comes. I'm not exactly sure what I am supposed to do. I'm scared of having kids and what this will mean for our finances and our future plans that we had. I feel like I'm just going into "practical mode" or something, just doing the things that I know are important next, like figuring out health care, but I feel so lost every where else. I just started a new job a couple months ago that I really really love. I hope this doesn't cause problems for it. :\

We also want to wait at least two months, in case I miscarry, before we announce to anyone, but I'm also supposed to be helping my mom complete painting her living room. I'm not sure how to weasel my way out of that, and turn down the Mike's Hard Lemonade she let me know she just bought for us, without letting her know.
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  #2  
July 22nd, 2012, 06:30 PM
Lyndsey2013's Avatar #2 due in May
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Congratulations on your BFP! When I had my first BFP in April I was shocked and overwhelmed too. I am due at the end of December and still not sure how things will work out. People that have been in similar situations say that as a parent, you just find ways to make it work, 1 way or another. I stressed most of my first trimester but have calmed down a lot (without any concrete answers) now that I'm in my 2nd. Hormones will definitely make you question your sanity! Anyways, good luck to you. It took me a long time to get past the overwhelmed and shocked feeling, but it did pass and now I am excited. I wish the same sort of excitement and calmness for you
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  #3  
July 23rd, 2012, 12:03 AM
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Wow - believe me I can understand the shocked and overwhelmed feeling. My symptoms started out just like a period too and I only tested because I got tired of waiting for it to show up and thought a test would set my mind at ease. Um...not so much.

It's an especially big shock when it's your first, I think. Sounds like you're taking great first steps that will help you stress less, the healthcare, etc. A little down the line you can start inquiring about your maternity leave coverage, etc as well and hopefully that will get you sorted with the job situation.

Keeping it from family is tough, I know! Maybe your mom could be a good source of support for you if you let her in on the secret?
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  #4  
July 23rd, 2012, 08:41 AM
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I'd love to have the support of my mom right now, but my husband really wants to wait at least until the 2 month mark in case something happens. My brother and sister-in-law lost their first baby to miscarriage within the first two months.

I'm feeling so confused right now. I filled out an online application for state aid, but it said that our income was too high. I called our hospital to see if they had any packages or payment plans, but they need a rejection letter first, so now I am going down to the local state aid office with a paper application and more info to see if they will either reconsider or issue me a rejection notice so I can get things rolling with the hospital asap.

I'm also confused because I never really wanted to give birth at a hospital. I'd love to have a midwife, but I have no idea where to start for that. Can you even use insurance with a midwife anyway?
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  #5  
July 24th, 2012, 01:26 PM
Baby Boy Coming in March!
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You CAN use insurance with a midwife if they take the insurance or if your insurance covers it. (once you get insurance of course) You can also find plenty of midwives who will do payment plans, and most of them include all of your prenatal visits & a normal vaginal delivery. The payments to your midwife wouldn't cover your lab work though so be aware of that. Some of them will attend a home birth if it's legal for them to do so. Even still, some of them may attend a home birth even if it's not legal, but it greatly depends on who it is and what your situation is as well.
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  #6  
July 25th, 2012, 03:28 AM
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I don't know much about midwives or what they accept but I know there are boards and knowledgeable ladies on here that do.

Ugh, the income line is such a kicker sometimes. We make too much money to qualify for assistance with anything, but it's never enough for us to actually pay for everything we need. I hope you are able to get set up with some type of insurance situation; it will help out a lot. Keep us updated!
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  #7  
July 25th, 2012, 10:03 AM
Momma Bella's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Iowa
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I can totally understand your shocked & overwhelmed feeling! When my first period lasted only 2 days, it worried me so much that I went out and bought some pregnancy tests. All came back negative, so I thought I was in the clear. Until May, when I didn't get my period at all. When I took the test I literally sat down & stared at the wall for about 15 minutes I was so in shock.
I've always been very open with my own mother, so when I found out it was hard to hide from her. She soon found out, but we waited to tell my father and the rest of the family. Trust me, it was really hard to turn down the Mikes especially at graduation parties. My excuses were I'm underage and that I was having fun anyway without it.
I understand the worry of miscarriage, but personally I would have a hard time leaving my mother out of this. Plus if anything ever did happen, which hopefully it doesn't, she would be there to support you through your grief.
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  #8  
July 26th, 2012, 06:19 PM
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I as well understand you moms. With my first baby (I just gave birth last month), I was really shocked and scared with my parents.
My fiancee at that time just planned not to have a baby yet since I just got the best job ever and that we're as well in the midst of preparing for our March 2012 wedding. I was 6 weeks pregnant when I found out (October 2012) and just 2 weeks before knowing it, I really had a lot of exercise and even joined lots of fun run!
I really cried when I told my parents. They were really angry, almost want to send me away but my husband asked for my hand for us to be civilly married.
They were still mad at me though we're already married but when I gave birth, they just wanted to sleep with my baby.
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Last edited by celica; July 26th, 2012 at 06:21 PM. Reason: change of dates
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  #9  
July 26th, 2012, 08:32 PM
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I went to the Department of Human Services on Monday and was told it was possible we could still qualify for aid. I'm hoping to have something in the mail tomorrow to confirm whether or not we qualify. I hope we do. It would alleviate a lot of the worry we have right now.

Luckily, my mom hasn't offered any of that Mike's Hard she bought for us yet. I've been pretty tired lately, so I've been napping after work. Since I work until 6pm, I haven't been seeing her as much as I usually do since I've found out. It is hard not telling her.

We lost my stepdad last summer to cancer, and that was honestly the only time I briefly wanted to have a baby because I knew it would make him and my mom so happy to know a grandchild was on the way. There was no way I would've been able to do all the things I did for them had I been pregnant though. It was the absolutely hardest time of my life, and I know it was for my mom, too. I'm feeling a mixture of guilt keeping the baby a secret right now, knowing it would make her happy, but I also feel guilty that I ended up getting pregnant now, after he is already gone. I didn't really plan on having kids at all, so I feel like if I was going to have one, it should have been when he was still around so he could have seen them.

I'm coming to terms with my emotions though, I think. I know my stepdad would be very happy, and if he's able to look down on me right now, he's happy now. And, for the first time since I got the BFP, I got a little excited about my pregnancy tonight. I was reading through descriptions of the weeks of pregnancy, and I sprung a smile and got a warm feeling.

We have agreed not to release the news until around August 22nd. I have a wedding I am going to on my husband's side of the family, so I think we might be breaking the news then, since we'll be seeing everyone, and we'll probably let my side of the family know right when we get back. We'll see though. I also don't want to steal any thunder from the wedding, but I know there will be questions as to why I'm not enjoying the wine with everyone else.

I find it a little sad that pregnancy can be such a sad, shocking, disbelieving, and uncertain time when you first find out, but it is such a life changing event, I totally get why it is. I just wish that for more of us (myself included), we were happy to see the BFP. I think it would just make things easier...

Celica - I also do a lot of exercise. In fact, I teach a pilates class once a week at our local YMCA, and was just certified for PiYo Strength, which I am scheduled to begin teaching this fall. I am going to check with the doctor if it's okay to continue on with it, but the director of our Y just had a baby earlier this year and taught all of her group exercise classes until she was just over 8 months pregnant. She looked awesome when she came back from maternity leave. As of now, I plan to continue with my exercise routines.

Momma Bella - I'm glad you had the support of your mother right away. There's something special about moms.
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  #10  
July 27th, 2012, 03:27 PM
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Just got rejected from DHS. We do not qualify for any aid.
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  #11  
July 27th, 2012, 03:49 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Forget any excitement I had last night...my husband is really upset. We are new homeowners and our savings was meant to projects for our home, including a new roof which needs to be done no latter than next summer.

It's messed up that you pay all these taxes to help out other people through social programs, but if you need help, forget about it. We really don't know what we are going to do for finances. I hope the hospital has reasonable packages/payment plans.
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  #12  
July 27th, 2012, 03:56 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Location: Clovis, CA
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We had a home birth recently and our insurance covered a portion. Most midwives are less expensive than some insurance deductibles. What area do you live in, maybe I could help you find one and you can call around see what they charge. I also want to recommend hypnobabies pregnancy affirmations. They helped so much putting my mind in a positive place for pregnancy and birth!
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  #13  
July 27th, 2012, 03:58 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Location: Delta, BC
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Im sorry you dont qualify for Aid. That sucks.
Midwives tend to be cheaper then what youd have to pay for a doc.
If your comfy with going to a midwife, Id start looking into them.
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  #14  
July 27th, 2012, 05:49 PM
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Yeah, I'm going to start looking into midwives. I know two people that wanted to use midwives and have some resources I can look into.

Frustrating though...
We don't qualify for state aid because our income is too high. My employer does not offer health insurance. Any individual coverage I would buy, wouldn't cover it for the first six months, because it's a pre-existing condition. Though I don't have any doctor visits in yet, since it's been less than a week since I found out, it could be awhile before the application gets processed and it looks like you need bloodwork done to apply and I'm sure pregnancy would show up on that. Then I found a health plan my state is offering in response to the affordable health care act, for those who would be turned down for pre-existing conditions, but pregnancy isn't listed on the list of conditions to qualify for coverage. Sooo, not exactly sure what to do yet. I guess looking into midwives, hospital payment plans, or possibly getting insurance and maybe a payment plan for the first six months??

I just doesn't make sense to me. Why does it have to cost money to be born and to die? Those are two things that every single person will do....it shouldn't cost a ton of money. It's just not right.
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  #15  
July 27th, 2012, 10:15 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Some midwives is just out of pocket, a flat fee for your prenatal care and a normal vaginal delivery.
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