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I'm Kate, I'm 36 and a mom to 14 yr old son, 11 year daughter, and 10 year old son. I thought my youngest was my surprise baby...ha!
We were definitely thinking we were done with the baby making, and I was looking forward to my 40s with kids independent. Plus I have PCOS and I was told that it was lucky I'd had children fairly young as it would probably be hard for me to conceive now. Well...not hard enough!
I tested on June 24th because I'd had super swollen boobs for several days with no AF in sight. Really did not think it would be positive. My cycles are not regular; not uncommon for me to skip a month, and also about once a year I start freaking myself out thinking I'm pregnant, take a test, chill and get AF. Not this time around - the room spun when I saw the positive line, though I kinda 'knew' deep down.
It was very upsetting at first. I love babies; I'd been sad that I had said goodbye to that stage of my life but three kids was just fine for me. Plus my husband is 49, his oldest daughter is 22, and he definitely didn't want another one. He is not thrilled about this at all.
I'm worried about a million different things, we don't have room for a baby, what am I going to do about my job and my St Bernard who's a great dog but has some fear of children (took her a while to get used to ours when we adopted her), the kids are so much older and how are they going to feel, finances, blah blah blah. Also I'm on medication for depression and sleep disorders and I had to stop all that cold turkey . Plus I'm already overweight and I can't afford to put on another 30-50 pounds like I tend to when I'm pregnant.
At the same time when I started spotting etc it was incredibly nerve wracking. I find myself thinking of names and nurseries (well, the corner of our bedroom that we will pretend is a nursery), etc. It's just a rolllercoaster!
I live alone in a one bedroom apartment, or I will be living alone until February when my baby comes. The corner of my bedroom will perfectly fit a crib, and yours will too. Of course it's all scary now, give yourself some time and I bet the excitement will soon drown out the worry, for you and your hubby.
I ditto what all the other ladies have said. Even though it's shocking and scary right now, all of the things you have listed probably seem to be a bigger deal than they really are simply because of hormones.
Here are some general outside observations... about your husband - even though he may not be thrilled, it sounds like most men come around. Maybe it would be worth looking into doing some family counseling to prepare for the baby if he becomes very angry. Best case scenario, he will get used to the idea and accept this is the path your lives have taken and start being super supportive .
If your St. Bernard got used to children before, I bet you can find a way for it to get used to another new baby. Any weight you gain, can be lost. Finances, job, room for baby - all of these things you will find a way, I am certain. Maybe you will find your other kids thrilled to help out and visit their new baby brother or sister!
I definitely think you should mention to your doctor you concerns about not being on depression/sleep medicine. Especially with so much stress of change in your life, it will be important for your doctor to monitor how things are going for you. Sometimes the benefit of finding a relatively safe drug during pregnancy is worth it. I don't know how they decide this, but I am guessing you will know if the benefits of being on medication outweigh the risks.
Even though you may not have planned for this, I am sure you will be able to handle this major change in your life. And congratulations on your BFP! I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and it helps me get through tough things in life. I am sure you will be able to find a way to get through this
I completely agree that none of my worries are insurmountable. Husband not being happy is the most disappointing. I want to get excited about planning and baby names, etc, but with him looking so stressed every time it comes up it's like a constant cold shower.
I have been getting excited on my own, but I may have to put that on hold as I'm now bleeding, and we have not been able to confirm heartbeat via ultrasound. Despite this baby not being expected, I am heartbroken at the idea of losing out on this last chance.