We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to email@example.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
Hi! My name is Isabella. I just joined today after looking at this site several times in the past few weeks. Let me tell you, it has been so helpful. (: So today I couldn't take it anymore & made myself an account so I could get on and ask for advice. Here is my story. Please bare with me, I'll try not to leave anything out:
In March, I was having a falling out with my boyfriend of nearly two years. We weren't staying together anymore and we hardly talked. One night after work I ended up going to his house and ended up having sex with him, without protection. We broke up a few days later.
On my birthday I went out for a night with this new guy, Anthony. He had always been a friend of the families and I knew he had history (ex wife, kids, the works), but I did not expect it to go anywhere anyway. We ended up not using protection that night because some months earlier he had went and got a vasectomy. Anthony & I continued texting the next few days and seen each other the following weekend which was April 7/8. We decided some days later that we would like to be official.
On April 13, which was 2 days earlier than my normal menstrual cycle, I had some spotting that lasted about 2 days. It worried me so I went and bought some pregnancy tests thinking the last time with my ex had possibly gotten my pregnant. The tests came out negative and I thought I was clear.
In May, my menstrual cycle never came. I told Anthony and he understood that if my test came back positive it was my exs, but he stayed supportive. Both home pregnancy test & doctors test came back positive. Anthony stuck through it with me while I gave the news to my ex, which btw no longer replied to any of my texts/calls once I told him.
On July 9th I went in for my first checkup. My doctor told me I didn't feel big enough for 16 weeks and sent me in for an ultrasound 3 days later. They set my due date for Jan 13 and told me I was only 13w & 4d along. This set my conception date for April 8. I told Anthony, who was just in much shock as I was. He then went in later to get checked (he never went back after his surgery to check it) & his tests came back that he was only 30% closed up. He texted me right away saying, "Congrats! we're having a baby!"
Sorry, I know my story it really long, but in order to have an understanding. My question is, who is more likely to be the father? I have yet to explain this all to my doctor. Is there any point in contacting my ex? He has proven that he doesn't care one bit either way. Anthony is willing to be there no matter what and pointed out he doesn't want a DNA test, but if my ex comes forward I have to give it to him, don't I? It's all very confusing and stressful. Thanks for taking the time to read!
That's awesome that Anthony is willing and ready to be there either way!
Personally, if the due date is set that much later, I would think the baby would be Anthony's, but I don't really know. I'd suggest asking your doctor about it.
With that much difference it sounds like it's not the ex. I mean if it was just a week or less in the difference then I would say that it could be either way. But it's like 2 weeks, and he obviously wasn't sterile.
You don't have to give him a DNA test unless he takes you to court and demands one, first of all.
Secondly, it sounds like it could only be Anthony's and not your ex's. I wouldn't stress. You have a great guy who wants to be there for you and for the baby and who doesn't care if the baby isn't biologically his. If you wanna do a DNA test later to know for sure, then do it, and if not, then don't. It's your decision.
You are so lucky to have such a wonderful man now in your life! There are a few things you could do to determine who is the father of your baby. I am not sure of the ways rules vary from state to state (or country if you are outside the US), but here if you file for child support a paternity test is required. You could also tell your doctor you would like a paternity test done because the ultrasound dating didn't match when you thought you conceived. If it is a big deal to you, you should discuss it with your new man.
From an accuracy perspective, it is my understanding that the earlier along you are, the more accurate dating is for due dates. The reason for this is because babies generally grow at the same rate to start with, then have the mother's nutrition, environment, placenta, and overall health that can vary growth rates. The 'older' a baby is, the more time and opportunity for changes in growth and development. If your doctor dated you at 13 weeks by ultrasound, it is likely very accurate. If he dated you by fundal height, that may be less accurate.
On a separate note, I believe in some states if you are married, the father is the assumed dad regardless of whether or not another man may have been involved. If your man is stepping into that role anyways, he may be the child's 'dad', regardless of whether or not it is a biological relationship.