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Oh my, I don't even know where to start. I've always been religious about taking my birth control pills, and they have never failed in the three years I've taken them. Three positive HPTs later, the streak is broken. I can only guess that my contraceptive failed because of the few weeks of antibiotics I was put on to stop a sinus infection.
I'm 23 and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I'm so afraid to tell anyone though. I want more than anything to confide in my mother, but I know how disappointed she'll be as I haven't completed college yet. The only person I felt comfortable telling was my best friend. She basically told me that I needed to "take care of it"....as in have an abortion. I just don't think I can do that.
AND on top of everything, I just started a new job at an animal shelter this month so my insurance won't kick in for a few more months.
I just feel so frightened and overwhelmed. This will be my very first pregnancy. I have no idea whst I'm doing, and I'm kind of stuck in this loop of denial and disbelief. I could seriously use an understanding friend right now.
I would suggest telling your boyfriend sooner than later. You've been together 3 years, and he deserves to know even before you have your doctor appointment. I am not really proud about how I told my boyfriend (of 4 months) by any means - I sent him a picture message of the positive test when he went to the bathroom and said we need to talk about this - but I let him know the day after I found out. I would have told him the same day, but he was drunk, and I didn't want to talk to him about a baby when he wasn't sober.
We waited until after my first appointment at 9 weeks to tell his parents and 12 weeks to tell mine. They were all much more supportive than I expected. Most of them understand we will have a more challenging time than perhaps a couple that is already married. I hope you have the same positive support system from your family.
Also, be prepared for mixed reactions. Most people don't know what to say when they find out. Mine was pretty obviously unexpected, and people would say, "Congratulations, I guess?" Honestly, I didn't really know what to say either. I was pretty overwhelmed until we had our first ultrasound at 12 1/2 weeks. Since then I have only been excited. It's been really great having SO be so supportive. Even though we aren't going to move in together before the baby is born or get married, I still feel so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life to raise this baby (and his other 3) with. You will find a way to make things work for you. Good luck to you
Juliana Rose, 1/7/13
Gabriel Tomás, 4/29/14
Last edited by Lyndsey2013; July 29th, 2012 at 09:25 PM.
Reason: preggo brain
After getting pregnant while on "fool proof" birth control (and no other meds to effect it's effectiveness) I simply realized it just doesn't work for me.
That being said, congrats on your pregnancy, even if it is unexpected.
I agree with the others in telling your boyfriend and your mom. Your boyfriend first though, and maybe he can help you think of a way to talk to your mom. She will more than likely be supportive once the shock factor wears off. And she (if she's like most mothers) will want to help you in anyway that she can.
Another note here- you can still do schooling & finish college with a child. I was working full time & going to school full time in the evenings while pregnant with my daughter until I was 8.5 months pregnant. After she was born, I started online schooling to finish my degree. While pregnant with my second I went back and got my bachelors degree. It can be done, but it does take a tremendous amount of work on your part and time management is essential.
I wish you the best and we are all here if you want to talk/vent/need advice/etc.
I know how scary it is to tell your parents about an unplanned pregnancy, but here are a few reasons why I think it is a good idea to tell your mom:
1. you are 23, not 16, you are an adult and if you act like one, you will be treated like one. confiding in your mother in a "this wasn't planned, but it can't be undone so how can I make it work" way will be the best way to go
2. if you hide it, your mom might think you don't trust her. she may surprise you. she's probably thrilled that you didn't get pregnant in high school. maybe she will be happy to have a grandchild.
3. a baby is a blessing, I am sure everyone will be overjoyed as things start to come together for you!
I was (barely) 20 when I got pregnant for the first time. I didn't live on my own or even with my boyfriend and I was still in college. it all worked out! 5 years later, my daughter is getting ready to start school and my son turns 2 tomorrow! my husband and I worked hard and still work hard, but we love our life and couldn't be happier!
__________________ Lori mom to
Rebecca (11/22/07) Nathan (7/31/10) & Thomas (5/3/13)
Thanks so much for your comments, everyone! You are all so wonderful!
In my heart I know that you are all right...I should tell them sooner rather than later. I'm beginning to become more at peace with the idea of being a first time mother. I'm actually more nervous about telling my boyfriend than my mother, but I'm going to do it. Maybe he'll surprise me, eh? Thanks for giving me the push to do it!
i got pregnant when i was 20 because of bc failure. my family was disappointed that i got pregnant but happy that i did not get an abortion. they said they would have been more upset and disappointed if i had gotten an abortion than choosing to keep the baby and make it work. it was hard to make it work but i did. i worked 60 hrs a week and just recently went back to school to finish my degree (i just turned 26). i was also pregnant when i went back to school and worked full time. its possible to finish your education while pregnant. as far as telling i agree that the sooner you say something the better. obviously this was not planned but things happen. im sure they will understand. it might take time for everyone to come around but once they see the baby in an ultrasound or hear the heartbeat they will fall in love with it. good luck.
I bet the father is going to be happy and understanding about it. Let us know how it goes! Being a first time mom is best thing that will ever happen to you,esp when it's unplanned it makes it even more special.