We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
and register
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
Found out a few days ago through StepSon's facebook account that he and his girlfriend have gotten pregnant. They are both still in H.S., though SS is 18 and the girlfriend is 17. They have no job's, diploma's or driver's license. When confronted about the situation, he initially lied...lied...then finally admitted it. Apparently everyone in the girlfriends' family knew about the pregnancy, my stepson did not warrant us important enough for this info. The BioMother of my StepSon, myself and his dad (my husband)are disgusted by the fact that this was a PLANNED pregnancy and they want to get married. Yeah. My SS even posted to the girlfriend's mother that the pregnancy was NOT a mistake and he does not regret using a condom.
SS's BioMom and my husband decided it was best to ship his butt to another state to live with his grandmother and finish H.S. out there. His plane actually leaves tomorrow at 3pm.
The day after my husband and I confronted him, SS tells us his girlfriend had a miscarraige. Something smelled fishy to me so I logged into his email account (Ok'd by dad)and found that the day after the supposed miscariage, the girlfriend emailed a pic of an ultrasound.
Now some fact checking...SS said they had unprotected sex on July 25th and that they baby was going to be due on May 4th 2013. The ultrasound sent in the email is not of a fetus that is a couple weeks old. Period. I have had three kids myself and believe me when I say that ultrasound has to date a pregnancy at 7-10 weeks.
She is either a nutbag and lied about being pregnant, sending a random picture or maybe he is lying to his dad, BM and myself in order to stay at home. The girlfriend's mother has made an offer to let my SS live with her. How very white trash of her.
There have been other issues with my SS(i.e. getting a job, H.S. GPA 1.8 etc.) He does not engage in drugs or alcohol.
I would love to see him gone, even from a values' standpoint as my kids are ages 8, 6 and 4...his half brothers and sister. What the heck do I tell my daughter if the girlfriend is still pregnant? If they are still pregnant then this would be the BM and his dad's grandkid. My husband's grandkid. Maybe not my grandkid as I am just the Stepmom, but the baby would still be an extension of my family. As much as I HATE them for this situation, I do not want to be the b**ch and foresake a baby that needs help. I did stress that adoption in matters such as this were the BEST option for everyone. The baby goes to a loving home where his/her needs and wants are met and the SS/girlfriend can growup to become parents much later in life.
Please, I need some straigh-up, no nonsense advice. Are we stupid to kick him out or do I need a smack upside my head?
I don't want to get you mad, but my approach would probably be different mainly because the SS is obviously doing a lot of lying & you need to know the truth. Instead of trying to cut yourselves out of the situation, I would try to get closer. Go with the girl to her dr appt & find out how far along she actually is. Also don't assume your younger kids will make the same mistakes. Talk to all your children about the responsibilities they now have or will have. Tell SS he needs to get a job to support the child if she decides to keep him. I know I don't know all of your situation, but I definitely wouldn't send him off without getting more answers & trying to establish a relationship with the girlfriend who may be carrying your dh's grandchild.
While this isn't an ideal situation, it doesn't seem like that long ago I was this age and I can say that shipping him off is definitely going to make things so much worse. If she is, indeed, pregnant then he should be there to share in the responsibility and that should be the lesson. There are consequences and babies are not simple, even though they are innocent and beautiful.
If this all happens and he is a father, I think it would be better for the younger children see him step up and be a man and own up to his decisions. It doesn't mean they'll run out and do it. They might actually realize that it's not all rainbows and butterflies. At the very least, seeing that you don't just walk away from things when they get hard.
I don't think it is fair to call the mother white trash because she offered for him to stay there. It doesn't seem you are being supportive and are kinda just ready to get rid of him and pretend it didn't happen. I'd say this is hard for her too. Maybe they see it from a different view then you and they are just trying to do what is right for their daughter, and the baby that they may be having together.
I don't say this to be harsh. I understand this is a difficult situation where it's really hard to know what to do and it is upsetting because you all want a good life for your SS. I just think that he needs to live out his own life and if there is indeed a baby then you need to encourage him to do what he needs to do, as opposed to not taking responsibility and stepping out of the situation and leaving the mother and baby to even more hardship.
He is probably lying because he is afraid of the reaction, and what he really needs is support and unconditional love so that he can feel comfortable being himself and being honest, even if you all may have to agree to disagree.
I would have to agree with the above folks. I'm not sure which part of Maryland you are in but I would get to know the GF a little more and become more "interested" in her pregnancy. If she is indeed pregnant, there are some great resources available such as Gabriel Project and Center for Pregnancy Concerns.
I can't say that I blame you for feeling the way that you do. If the girls mother is willing to let SS live with them, I say go for it but still remain supportive of the child since the child did not ask for this. It's a very sad situation but be strong. Another word of advice is to purchase things for the baby rather than handing SS money to go and buy things. This way you know that you are holding true to your values and supporting the baby and not a lifestyle that you don't approve of.
Honestly u kind of sound like a giant "B", sure its not an ideal situation but casting him off like he is nothing, personally I think would say worse to ur young kids than anything, u know if they don't behave the way u want or god forbid it happens to them thy will be cast aside...plus even though they are saying its planned etc...they are both probably scared to death and could use support not hate..sure its a shock an ideal but what's done is done so really I say grow a pair and make the best of a bad situation
I have a soon to be 18 y/o son and I'd be furious and a B_ _ _ _ H too! With all the support and resources out here, there's NO reason teens and young adults should still be randomly getting pregnant at the rates they are. Furthermore, for the girl/SS to be PLANNING a baby when NEITHER has a job/plan would have me totally IRATE! I have drilled in my son's head that he's going to hate life should some chick pop up preggo with his baby (and he would HAVE to have a DNA test before I would ever believe/support any part of that). Bottom line, I'm not raising someone else's kid. I have/am raising mine, you must do the same.
That said, StepmommyinMD, I agree with the others that shipping him off will not solve this issue. I don't care about it from the aspect of grandparenthood (I'd be so livid I wouldn't even indulge in that), but if this girl is still pregnant, your SS needs to lie in the bed he's made and "support" the pregnancy and pending baby. HOWEVER, he'd be doing so blindly through the pregnancy, but I would stipulate a DNA test after baby is born (because the pregnant...miscarriage...questionable dates sounds fishy). He would have to get a job ASAP. He'd have the option of shaping up so he could graduate, and he'd have to put a plan in place to get a place and move out. With 3 young kids, he could not stay there and have/raise his baby. Sure, it would be a great life lesson to have the other kids see him taking responsibility, but that includes creating a life for the life he created...it means making sacrifices...it means financial responsibility. They can still get that life lesson by watching him from afar.
Just a question: You would rather ship off your son, then have him step up and become the father he supposedly wanted to be? Not trying to be rude here, but my mother was neither married or self-sufficient when she became pregnant with me. However, she did a wonderful job raising me at the ripe age of 18. You are honestly so concerned with yourself, that you aren't seeing the consequences of your actions.
You are going to ship him off and then what? Force your husband to lose his relationship with his son? Technically speaking, he is YOUR son as well and you CAN'T only think about yourself. You are selfish.
Because of your actions he is going to have a much tougher time in life, and I hope you are proud of what your are doing to him. Also, if he is 18, you can't force him to do anything. Learn to respect his decisions, he will live with it, not you. If he honestly wants this baby and wants to be with this other woman, who are you to say that he can't? He is an adult and needs to be treated like one.
Anyway, I hope you think further about your actions and how they will affect the lives of others. I personally think you do need a smack in the head. I'm sorry and don't want to be rude, but you wanted honesty.
Just a question: You would rather ship off your son, then have him step up and become the father he supposedly wanted to be? Not trying to be rude here, but my mother was neither married or self-sufficient when she became pregnant with me. However, she did a wonderful job raising me at the ripe age of 18. You are honestly so concerned with yourself, that you aren't seeing the consequences of your actions.
You are going to ship him off and then what? Force your husband to lose his relationship with his son? Technically speaking, he is YOUR son as well and you CAN'T only think about yourself. You are selfish.
Because of your actions he is going to have a much tougher time in life, and I hope you are proud of what your are doing to him. Also, if he is 18, you can't force him to do anything. Learn to respect his decisions, he will live with it, not you. If he honestly wants this baby and wants to be with this other woman, who are you to say that he can't? He is an adult and needs to be treated like one.
Anyway, I hope you think further about your actions and how they will affect the lives of others. I personally think you do need a smack in the head. I'm sorry and don't want to be rude, but you wanted honesty.
original post stated that BIOMOM and DAD made the decision to ship STEPSON off to grandma's...stepmom had nothing to do with the decision, just supports it, so....
as for him being 18 and making his own decisions, when his decisions infringe upon and impact other people's lives, as a parent, you ABSOLUTELY have some say so. he has no job...the girl has no job...who is going to pay for the doctor visits & birth? her parents or his parents! who's going to buy this/that for the child? her parents or his parents! if he wants to do what he wants, as he pleases, get out and do so!
original post stated that BIOMOM and DAD made the decision to ship STEPSON off to grandma's...stepmom had nothing to do with the decision, just supports it, so....
as for him being 18 and making his own decisions, when his decisions infringe upon and impact other people's lives, as a parent, you ABSOLUTELY have some say so. he has no job...the girl has no job...who is going to pay for the doctor visits & birth? her parents or his parents! who's going to buy this/that for the child? her parents or his parents! if he wants to do what he wants, as he pleases, get out and do so!
I didn't read that part. Sorry. Please don't talk to me as if I am ignorant. The original poster wanted advise, sorry my advise to her isn't what you thought it should be.
This man is 18 years old. If HE decides HE wants to live with his girlfriend, he can. If he decides he doesn't want to be shipped off, he doesn't have to be. Once a child turns 18, regardless of his living situation, he is allowed to make his own decisions as he is an adult. The parents and step-parents can only give him advise and can no longer force something on him he doesn't want to do.
There are many options for him. They can get on medicaid, cash assistance, and other things to pay for doctors visits, especially if he doesn't have a job. He can take a bus to get there, or even walk if he chooses.
His parents should FORCE him to do anything regarding his relationship and his decisions with that. He will be able to get by on his own, obviously the parents want nothing to do with him as they are selfish and scared or whatever.
You are stating that he is living with them, which is obvious. What they can do is kick him out. Where he decides to go after that is his own decision.
Wow way to push him away,he's 18!! Smh i have alot of choice words for you but i'd like to keep my account. I'll go with what you suggested,you should smack yourself upside your own head and pray you didn't push that boy away and fix that mess before it's to late. You sound like a total nut,if i was him i'd honestly never have anything to do with you.
__________________
Last edited by .:Kati:.; September 2nd, 2012 at 06:42 AM.
