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Pregnant with 3rd husband making me choose but made his choice clear


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 2 Post By MrsLat
  • 1 Post By Babycakes2012

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  #1  
October 13th, 2012, 09:34 AM
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I recently discovered I am 4 weeks (almost 5 weeks) pregnant. My son is 3 and my daughter is only 5 months. Obviously this was not planned. As my husband is away a lot. I informed him I was pregnant (he away ATM) and he said well this is your choice on what to do. Then proceeded to inform me of the abortion clinic nearby. He then panicked and called me to explain that he was just informing me so I knew. He's 30/60 on having a 3rd baby. 30 on having it. He has a son and a daughter with two other women already plus our two (one kid the mom just recently told us its his kid) the other is just starting to visit more. He said its my choice and he will stab behind me on whatever. I choose. He explained that his reason to not want a third are for selfish reasons. He wants his life back. Said he loves our kids they are fun but he is fine with just the two. He wants his spare time back. He also is saying its my choice as with him being away so much I will be on my own at least half the time. I don't know what to do. When I was preggo with #2 we had talked about if we wanted more. I didn't want him to get fixed just incase. We did decide. I just expected us to have time to decide and not be pregnant when we had to decide. I don't know what to do. I will be on my own most the time. And 3 by myself seems so daunting. Our first has been hard since the beginning colic for first 4 months. Speech and hearing problems. Super hyper. My second is a breeze. Slept through the night at 2 months. Rarely cries unless there's a reason of course. I was on the fence about if I wanted a 3rd or not. In the future. Now I am not only faced with this choice now. I would also have to decide on abortion or not. If we abort. We're not having anymore. As I ha a time limit to decide on a third before I got pregnant. (Husband is getting on in years. I aborted once when I was 17. It wasn't easy. I felt guilty for along time. When kept going. He would of been this age now. Etc. when my first was born it was difficult as I thought of how old that baby would of been and for some reason the guilt came back because I decided to keep this one. And threw the other back. I don't know what to do. My husband would be away for most the pregnancy and prob the birth again (was for my second) and again he would be away a lot. I don't drive. So am somewhat house bound as it is. My husband said he wouldn't ask me to abort to just try and have a baby next year. As I said I had a time limit on having babies. He doesn't understand why it would affect me but he understands that it will. To have a abortion. So if we abort were done. So not only am I faced with have a third or not I am faced with abort or not. Everyone is so busy In my life (don't live near any family or friends) that I haven't been able to talk to anyone. Not even my mom. No ones knows I am preggo but when I ask to call they all say later busy doing this or that today and I don't want to intrude on their busy schedule with my problem. Please help I don't know what to do. =*(
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  #2  
October 13th, 2012, 09:48 AM
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And please if all your going to do is make me feel guilty then don't reply. I am lookin for help not to feel worse then I do. I don't believe adoption is a option for me as I would feel guilty my whole life knowing their was a child out their spending their life thinking they were not wanted. I have known people who were adopted. Loved their adopted parents. Only knew them. But spent their entire life wondering why their parents didn't want them. It's just not a option.
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  #3  
October 13th, 2012, 10:02 PM
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Wow. Well NO ONE has the right to judge you. Whatsoever. So I will just give an insight on to what I PERSONALLY would do...

If you are questioning abortion. Don't do it. Like you said, you had one early in life and you spent a lot of time with a lot of guilt. Don't do that to yourself.

Honestly, if I was you, I would keep the baby. If you aren't one for adoption, and don't know what you would be able to handle when it came to another abortion, I guess that would be the last option. So maybe just put your focus into trying to find excitement in having another little one. They RARELY come at the time we want them and almost never at a perfect time. I know you have a baby and the DH is hesitant about giving up his freedom, but that is what I would do.

Honestly, I can't make that decision for you. Wishing you the best.. and hope to see you in the June DDC. We are very supportive and fun. We can help you get through it if your DH is away alot. It is nice to have a support group.
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  #4  
October 14th, 2012, 09:49 AM
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Well told my husband that I could find enough reasons to go through with it. So were gonna have the baby. He said he's happy and that he stands behind my decision. He said he won't make me go through another abortion again. So we are both gonna get fixed after this baby though. So never in this position again. Lol were both getting fixed just to make sure lol. Thank you. was nice to have some help in the decision making.
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  #5  
October 14th, 2012, 02:23 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yay! Come join us in the June Due Date Club if that is when you are due! We would love to have ya!!
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  #6  
October 18th, 2012, 10:34 AM
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I'm sorry you're being given that option by your husband, who helped you make this child. I had an abortion was I was 22, and it was the biggest mistake of my life! I regret it everyday! I know how you feel, with the guilt and emotions that come being reminded of it.

Maybe my situation will make you feel better. My fiance and I have 4 children, he's 24, I'm 26. We planned on having NO MORE children as we were set with the ones we had. I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and DF is more excited about it than I am. I told him I wasn't ready to have another as our youngest will be 1 next month.

I hope things get better for you, and that hubby comes around and realizes that your children are precious and nothing will ever replace the ones you lose.

Good luck hun, keep us updated.
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