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Unexpected Proposal


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
October 15th, 2012, 07:47 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
Today, I found out I'm four weeks pregnant. Fantasizing about this moment since I was a little girl, I wish I could say I reacted the way I had imagined. That could have been the case, had I actually gotten my life together by this point. Iím still in my early twenties, a full-time college student, and I live at home with my parents. Not exactly the fairy-tale depiction of bringing a baby into the world.
Of course, I told Ty the news of my pregnancy. How did he react? Not the way I had anticipated, thatís for sure. I worked myself up, expecting him to either a) faint, or b) break up with me. Instead, he proposed to me, and I said no. I donít want to marry him just because Iím pregnant, even though the idea was already playing through our minds months prior to this. Divorce has run rampant through my family, and Iíve seen the story of marrying out of wedlock played out a million times, each instance rarely having a happy ending. I donít want our future child to resent the fact that we got married just because I got pregnant. People should marry for love, end of story.
We used to imagine what our futures looked like. He and I even established a timeline: I planned on graduating college, moving in with him, starting my career, and eventually getting married, and ultimately starting a family. You know how it goes, ďFirst comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.Ē Given our plans, we didnít see ourselves marrying for at least two or three years.
I canít help but feel an immense sense of guilt in regards to my animosity towards the news. Why arenít I jumping up and down with joy? I should be crying tears of happiness; not sobbing in my room as my world comes crashing down. Itís not that Iím doubting whether or not Iíll be a good mom, because I know, hands down, Iíll be a great mom. Iím just so overwhelmed with emotions, and I want to know if I made the right decision by turning down his proposal. Although, I guess I canít expect anyone to give me the answer to that, because Iím the only one who knows how I feel about him. How can you bring a child into this world when the mother and father havenít grown up themselves yet?
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  #2  
October 16th, 2012, 12:15 AM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 4,134
As I have said many times before, babies seem to always come at an un-desireable time and almost never when you feel you are "completely" ready. I know couples that try for years, get pregnant and STILL don't feel ready when it actually happens.

You are young.. but not that young... you can mature and do this. If you want to. But if you feel you aren't ready, there are options of course. It is a personal decision. There are a lot of really great support groups on here and we can help you through it. I wish you all the luck in the world in making your decision. And wishing you a very happy and healthy 9 months.
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  #3  
October 16th, 2012, 01:07 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Personally I think it's awesome he proposed to you and I think you should reconsider. It's not as if you weren't already thinking and talking about getting married eventually anyway. I don't think there's any way your child will resent you getting married now rather than years from now, and bringing him or her into a stable, settled situation seems like a wonderful thing to do. You both love each other, he's obviously committed to you and the baby, I say make it official and enjoy some time as a married couple before the baby comes!
Congrats!
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  #4  
October 22nd, 2012, 08:31 AM
lucyinthesky
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Posts: n/a
Sounds like us. I'm now 14wks and we couldn't be happier. It was a shock for us too. Not long after I told him, he proposed, and I said no. And the people who knew made me feel like a complete and utter idiot for saying no. Your hormones, also tend to make a mountain out of a molehill (Gee, I sound like my mom). And to me, you sound very mature and grown-up, but then again, I don't know you personally. But, although you might not feel ready, you will be when the time comes. And hey, everything happens for a reason. And just think, it's going to be great. Try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I am happy with my decision to decline my partners proposal for now, and people should respect that. Some people seem to think it's because I don't see a future with him, when it's not. I, like you didn't want to get married just because i'm pregnant. Just trust your instincts. PM me if you want
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  #5  
October 22nd, 2012, 03:13 PM
mrsjl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 4,906
just because you said no now doesn't mean the answer will always be no. is your family supportive? could you finish college and get on your feet and still have the baby? it can be done. I've shared my story before, but I will give you a quick recap.

my boyfriend and I were both in college, I was 20, he was 23. I got pregnant. we both lived at home. I finished college 2 weeks before my due date, moved into my own place around the same time, and had the baby. fast forward 5 years, my little girl's 5th birthday is coming up, we are married, we have a 2 year old son, and a baby on the way. it is AMAZING how much can change, if you want it to. dh works to support us, we are raising our children, we are happy.

good luck!
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  #6  
October 23rd, 2012, 12:48 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,972
I agree with the poster above! Saying no now, doesnt mean you are a perminent no!

I got a suprise preggo with my dh (at the time we were unmarried and had only been together about 2 yrs). I flat out told him "Dont propose" but I explained what I was feeling. I was honest with him. We got married right before our dd turned 1. And we are just as happy...
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