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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 2 Post By MrsLat
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  #1  
October 22nd, 2012, 10:54 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
Hi everyone,

I'm 27 and was in a relationship for over a year. Things weren't working out with my fiancé so I cancelled our wedding and we no longer talk. I found out I'm pregnant about a week ago. I tried to tell my ex but he just got mad and complained it was all about money. I live with my parents and sister and we are a very religious family. We are Christians and I can't find a way to tell my parents I'm pregnant. I know they are against children being born out of wedlock. I am very sad the way this happened but there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm just sad because I wanted to be married and have a supportive husband. I wanted pregnancy to be an exciting bit of news but I know it will bring anger and shame. This is my first pregnancy and I'm so scared. I need to tell my parents but I don't know how to. I feel alone. Any advice?
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  #2  
October 23rd, 2012, 01:18 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
Can anyone give me advice im 17 and i have a one year old son but now im STUCK in this situation again i didnt know i was pregnant i still got my period !! i can barely support my son and i was looking to give my unborn up for adoption but im just not ready for that is there anyway i can get it back when im stable
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  #3  
October 23rd, 2012, 07:14 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 4,098
Mavis-- I am so sorry about your situation. I guess I would just say to really think about whether you want the baby. I had a child out of wedlock and I can tell you from experience that disappointment from your family will probably fade... but a child lasts a lifetime. Sometimes they come unexpectedly, but if you want them there, they are a blessing. It was scary for me to admit to my family, but I did and they ended up being supportive. I wouldn't trade my children for the world. But you really have to do some soul searching. Only you can make that decision. Just look at all your options and really think hard about it. Sometimes you just need some support. If you are due in June, you could join the June Due Date club.. I am a member of that, we would love to have you and be a source of support! And of course there are due date clubs that are awesome for every month of the year! They are great!

JonathansMommy-- I understand how scary that must be! I can't tell you what to do either, but I guess I would just say that you might not be ready for adoption (I don't think many women really are EVER ready for it) but you might come to accept it and feel stronger that it is the right situation when you start looking into families and the pregnancy progresses.

I am just a mom, so I can only give an opinion. I can't tell either of you what the "right" decision is. But there are groups on this site that are here to support you guys throughout the pregnancy, or through adoption, or through abortion. It is a really fantastic site with so many wonderful ladies. I wish you both luck and hope things work out the way that is best for you, and the child.
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  #4  
October 23rd, 2012, 08:45 PM
Athme's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: St Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 1,269
Hi Mavis, joining your due date club will be a great source of support without judgement. Your parents I am sure after they initially get over the shock will be very happy for you and supportive.

JonathansMommy, I am sorry you find yourself in a difficult situation. I do not know of anywhere were you can give temporary custody to someone and when you are ready take the baby back. There is adoption and open adoption where you may still have access to the child. DHS may be able to help you and give you some advise, maybe foster care is available. Have you told the babies father? Is he able to help?
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  #5  
October 24th, 2012, 10:55 AM
Missa_Mae's Avatar First Time Mommy!
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 3,055
I think these ladies have given you both good advice.

In the end, it comes down to doing whatever YOU feel is the right thing for you and your baby. Mavis your parents may be upset in the beginning, or for a while after but eventually they will love their grandchild and they love you already so they would be there for you no matter what. Jonathansmommy again, it comes down to doing what you feel is right. I haven ever heard of an adoption where the couple takes the baby for "a little while" ... you have however many months until you deliver to get "stable" so start working on it now. Get support, call your local agencies, parents, friends, you'll need the support.

Both situations are difficult but there is a positive to them, both of you were blessed with babies, planned or unplanned. The choice is yours on what you want to do. I am pro-choice so please don't think I am trying to push anything on you. Do what youneed to do to be happy.
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  #6  
October 27th, 2012, 08:53 PM
carissaluis's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 112
Just tell your parents you need all the help you can get. They will learn to accept it eventually. Please don't stress its not good for the baby
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  #7  
October 29th, 2012, 06:55 PM
Purrrrrrr's Avatar Semi-crunchy Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,715
What are the possible outcomes that would happen when you tell your parents? Are we talking just disappointment or disowning? If it's the former, grab a friend for support and sit down with your family for a pow-wow. You're an adult now, so don't be scared of what they're going to think about your pre-maritals.

If it's the latter, you might wanna find someone you can live with before you tell them. You still have to have a pow-wow with them and tell them. They may come around, and they may not. But it's only their loss if they don't.
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  #8  
November 1st, 2012, 01:47 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
I don't know if they will disown me or what. I appreciate all the advice everyone has given me. Ultimately it will be their loss if they can't accept it. I will move out and raise my child and they'll miss out on the sweetness of it all.

How can a baby ruin your life? I know things will change but I've graduated college, I can provide for myself and the baby.
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  #9  
November 1st, 2012, 10:52 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Posts: 192
Hi Mavis! I'm a Christian, too. Cheer up, your baby is a blessing and I think your parents will never disown you. All you got to do is talk to them. They will understand you. Good luck!
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  #10  
November 2nd, 2012, 02:03 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3
Hi Mavis. You sound really courageous and that's a highly positive attribute. You had a lot of wishes and hopes but unfortunately life happens in ways we dont understand. However, we can only trust God to have a bigger picture. I have a friend that went through similar situation. It took BOLDNESS and prayer to tell her parents but she did. They may feel hurt and disappointed but you are now responsible for the life you carry. Run to God with your concerns, and leave them at His feet and talk to your parents. God has your back. You can do it. If you are close to your siblings (sister) confide in her for a start and walk up the ladder. God will never put more on you than you can bear. I promise. You will look back and pat yourself on the back for being bold enough to go through this. You're in my prayers.
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  #11  
November 16th, 2012, 09:23 AM
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 24
Hi Mavis! I know where you are coming from, my first daughter was unplanned, I had broken up with the father a couple of weeks before I was pregnant and I was scared to tell my family because they are really religious. In my case, my ex had told me when I told him that if I didn't get back together with him then he would have nothing to do with the baby. I finally told my mom, and she was upset but after telling my mom it became easier for telling my other family members. And honestly my Mom was the only one upset about it, and she was one of the less religious ones in the family. My whole family gave me tons of support, which was the opposite of what I was expecting, and my mom eventually came around as well. By the time my daughter was born, my mom was calling me complaining beause Babies R Us didn't have any new clothes and she had already bought the baby all the outfits they had out on display. As for the sperm donor, I didn't get back together with him and he has nothing to do with his daughter, he has never even seen her, but everything has worked out well in the end. Don't be to scared to tell your family though, they may be upset at first or shocked but give them some time and they will come around. Also tell your extended family, until you tell them you don't know who is going to be excited for you and supportive and who will need a little bit of time. I remember after my mom, I was the most scared to tell my Grandpa but in the end it was my Grandpa that was excited and supportive for me and he helped to get my mom to come around.
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  #12  
November 16th, 2012, 09:41 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Philippines
Posts: 209
Don't be afraid to tell them. At first, they'll get shocked but that's normal. In the end, they will still accept you and your baby as well. No one could ever refuse a baby! They will support you all the way because you are you and they love you. Having a baby is a great blessing! Don't ever be ashamed of it! Be proud and let your ex see that you and your baby are living happier lives without him!
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  #13  
November 17th, 2012, 10:55 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: california
Posts: 422
yes i would definately tell them as soon as possible get it out of the way so you can allow yourself to enjoy your pregnancy it is a beautiful thing and a wonderful blessing, they will eventually get over whatever initail feelings they may have and probably be a big support to you i hope and once you hold your baby in your arms it will all be worth it and whatever feelings they might of had wont even be a thought in your mind... first pregnancies only come once and last a short period of time it is so exciting and scary and wonderful enjoy every second i wish i would have.... good luck to you
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  #14  
November 18th, 2012, 01:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,249
How are you? I hope that things are getting easier for you.
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  #15  
November 19th, 2012, 10:39 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 182
Hi,

I am a christian too. I grew up being a song leader in church and even a sunday school teacher at some point. I also cancelled my wedding with my finace, who's a youth pastor. But anyway, after that, I don;t want to get married again and I didn't take any man seriously until this one came along. he's 8 years younger than me but we understand and love each other. I got pregnant ( im on my 7th month). I was scared to tell my mom at first but eventually I did. She got worried and a bit mad coz I was studyin that time but eventually she understood everything. I know it might take time for them to accept it but eventually they will. Every baby is a blessing so cheer up. Prepare yourself and tell them the truth...Pray, Pray, Pray as well...
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