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I'm in a situation I never thought possible. This post might be long…please forgive me.
I’ve been unhappily married to a verbally abusive man for almost 11 years…we’ve been together since I was 15. I followed the path laid out for me….I was raised in dire poverty, by a single mom, with my sister. She was unwed and raised us alone…I thought my husband was the ticket out of the unstable environment in which I was raised. It was, but it came with a price. Of course at the time I didn’t realize I deserved any better so I stayed…I started therapy last year, and I finally realize that I don’t deserve to be treated the way I’ve been in the past. I left my husband 6 weeks ago. I found out yesterday I am pregnant. Now, to put this in to perspective, the entire time I was married we never used any form of BC. I went to the Dr. about 6 months ago for my routine physical and there were abnormalities in my blood work. I was referred to an endocrinologist….to make a long story short, I have moderate to severe PCOS (I’ve had 3 periods in the last 2 1/2 years) and that if I wanted to get pregnant in the future I would at the least need Clomid, more likely, IVF. I left believing him….
I don’t know what to do…on the one hand, I feel like this is my only chance for a baby. On the other hand it seems incredibly selfish to have it, with the horrible situation. I know firsthand what it is like to grow up without. I swore I would never have kids like that…that is why I’ve never pursed getting pregnant in the past (Clomid etc.)….I knew that my husband and I were so dysfunctional and I would never want a child brought up like that. I’m afraid that if I don’t have this baby now I never will….but is that a good enough reason so inflict this heinous start on a child? It seems so selfish. I only work part time, and have been looking for a full time job for over two years. Where I live, jobs are just so scarce. Also, being bound to an abusive man forever makes me heartsick. Missing out on perhaps my only chance to have a baby makes me heartsick. I don’t know what the right thing to do is.
Being raised without a father or in my case a revolving door of men, has had a profoundly negative effect on my life. How could I subject any child to that?
But I will be 33 in January…how much longer do I really have? I need to complete my divorce, heal, and then possibly meet someone….even without my medical past, it would be difficult at best.
I’m so alone, I don’t know where else to turn. Thank you for any insight.
Keep your baby as long as ur a good mother who cares if the fathers around. Añd u never know what the future holds, one day u may find a great guy who would love you and ur child unconditionally. Not that u need a man, just saying anythings possible. If u were told pregnancy would be pretty hard then I would look at this as a blessing, a miracle, do u really wanna get rid of ur gift just because it won't have the ideal father?
Good luck to you i hope u do what u feel is right
If you want the baby, I'd say just have it.. I was married for two years with PCOS, no birth control. I left him early this summer. Since then, I have made one mistake and slept with a man about 4 weeks ago. It was a one time thing. I never thought I would get pregnant. Today I found out I am pregnant and the guy wants nothing to do with me. I decided today I am going to do it myself.. so, you are not alone. We can do this together.