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BF and I broke up a few days before I found out I was pregnant...need advice?


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 3 Post By ElliotsMommy13

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  #1  
December 24th, 2012, 04:00 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2
Hello! I'm a first time mom and will be 26 when my baby is born. I was with my BF (about to be 28) for almost a year before we broke up. There's no other women or anything, but he wouldn't give me a reason for the breakup, just that he wasn't happy anymore and needed some space for awhile (he's not the most communicative man). I heard from a friend that he said it was because we just weren't seeing enough of each other and wished I would stop (exotic) dancing and grow up, etc.

Days after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. I tried telling him myself but he just kept ignoring me. He found out from a friend and we finally talked about it for the first time yesterday. It's too late for an abortion in the state I live in, but he wants me to give it up for adoption since neither of us is financially stable. However, he said that he understands that I can't give it up and will support whatever I decide and be in the baby's life if I decide to keep it (which I am). I was hoping he would want to work things out between us so we could raise the baby as a couple (considering he used to tell me he wanted to be with me forever), but we talked for about 10 minutes and he wanted me to leave. He said he needed time for this to all sink in. He gave me a hug before I left and said he'll come with me to my next ultrasound, although he wouldn't come with me to tell my family.

Sorry this is so long, I just don't have any friends or family who have been in this exact situation. I am hoping he will come around and want to get back together after I give him his needed space. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? I just want your complete honesty so that I don't get my hopes up only to be hurt more later on.
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  #2  
December 24th, 2012, 08:59 PM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
I am so sorry to hear the frustration. In my honest opinion, if he isn't ready to settle down and just wants to give you child support then so be it.. if he wants to be part of it, then great.. but I'd say do what is best for you and baby now.. dont worry about him. You don't need that stress. Im 8weeks along and keeping mine with no dad in the picture at all. I dont even plan to be able to get any support due to the circumstances.. but Id just say you'll be fine either way.. and if you feel deep in your heart he isn't going to be there in the long run, don't worry about him now. It'll be fine.
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  #3  
December 25th, 2012, 02:41 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2
Sorry to hear about your situation Melissa Marie, but I appreciate the advice. That's what I'm trying to do.
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  #4  
December 25th, 2012, 09:24 AM
Lyndsey2013's Avatar Mom to 2 + 3
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 848
I agree that having a baby won't make him want to get back together with you. I guess you could ask him if there was anything you could do to try and work on fixing your relationship, but my guess is that he has been mulling over this for awhile and really does need time to figure out what he wants. Don't push the issue but let him be there when he's comfortable being there and let the pieces fall where they may. Good luck.
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  #5  
January 3rd, 2013, 03:34 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 498
I've been in a very similiar situation. My bf and I broke up the night before I found out I was expecting. I told him right away and because he was so mad at me he didn't speak to me for a day or 2. We've hit a few more rough patches since then. My life isn't perfect. But I love the way it has worked out. I stay home with our almost 8 month old daughter while he works.

I'm telling you this because even when it seems the darkest there is always a sliver of light somewhere. You just have to look where you don't expect to at times. I know the prospect of raising a baby alone is terrifying, but in the end you will have a beautiful little child that will love you unconditionally, and there is nothing on this earth more wonderful than that.

Keep your thoughts positive. It will always work out the way it's meant to be.

Good luck.
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  #6  
February 6th, 2013, 06:23 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Malaysia
Posts: 205
You can't force a guy to be in the situation you want like you want him back to you. But be thankful enough that he didn't insist on abortion and supports you with the baby. Things might work out eventually.
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  #7  
February 7th, 2013, 01:06 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 8
I'm sorry that situation isn't so great for having a child right now, but I hope things improve for you.
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