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Failed termination, please help!


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 20th, 2013, 05:23 AM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
Hi everyone,
I found out I was pregnant on December 5th and I wanted to keep the baby. I really struggled with my partner saying he wanted us to have a termination but I went along with it because I was convinced by him and some others that it was not the right time. I had the medical termination on December 22nd at six weeks and six days pregnant and I found out only yesterday (January 19th) that it did not work.
I was sent for a scan at the hospital so that they could arrange a surgical abortion for me, however, when I saw the scan picture everything changed. I saw my baby and I am convinced that I made the wrong decision deciding to abort. I keep looking at the pictures and imagining how he or she would be and holding the baby in my arms. I know this is wrong for me not to want to follow through with that initial thought, but what are the chances that the abortion would have damaged the baby? How likely is a deformity or a brain defect after my stupid decision? I am scheduled in for my termination surgically on Friday 25th Jan but I don't know if i can go through with it.....I need more time to understand my options.
Thank you for the help in advance.....
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  #2  
January 20th, 2013, 08:36 AM
ninja_mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Oahu
Posts: 7,228
in what way did they try to terminate? Can you ask them maybe why they didn't think it worked and or to check for types of defects?
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  #3  
January 20th, 2013, 08:42 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
I had a six hour abortion.... So I had one pill in the morning and then more in the afternoon. I can't remember what they were called though but up they were all oral.
When I was in the clinic I didn't think to ask much because I was so dazed. I just went in and out and the surgery is booked for Friday. I want to put to back though so I can make a really informed decision. I am going to talk to my dr, but do you know if they will be able to tell me much?
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  #4  
January 20th, 2013, 08:52 AM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
I have not heard of abortions not working. I'd definitely call your doctor or even free services about family planning. I also found out December 5th.. When I got just the 7 week scan and saw the heart and everything I knew it was my baby in there...

I hope the doctors can give you more hope to keep your child. Also, it might be out of the question... But there is also adoption should there be defects and you feel you cannot handle it. I know people who couldn't have kids and chose one with special needs. I personally don't know if I could handle any birth defects myself.. Especially as a single mom. I know this post doesn't help you much but you're in my thoughts and I hope you can come to a solution you can find peace with.
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  #5  
January 20th, 2013, 01:38 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,692
Please keep your little one. You have no idea how lucky you are to have a second chance. You will not regret choosing life for your precious little one, you will however regret it if you choose death. Please don't let the father talk you into something you will regret the rest of your life. Your baby is such a blessing, I wish you could see that. Good luck hon and I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months!
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  #6  
January 20th, 2013, 09:54 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
I know of at least one adult who was a failed termination, so it's possible. If you are having such serious second thoughts I would definitely cancel the scheduled abortion and don't let yourself to be pressured to make a choice you'll regret.
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  #7  
January 21st, 2013, 01:24 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
I want to keep the baby....when I saw the little scan picture my heart melted and I felt so horrible about having tried to abort him/her. I am just scared that I have done some damage to the baby.... he/she is obviously still alive and growing as when I last saw the scan it was just a smudge, now it is a full baby.... I am trying not to consider my boyfriends thoughts as he and I are not getting along right now and he didnt show up to my last test, which to me invalidates his right to an opinion on this anyway. I just wondered whether anyone else has heard of this, or knows if the dr can see any abnormalities at twelve weeks?

I will be so devastated if I have harmed my baby.... the internet doesnt seem to have any information about the type of abortion I had. Even the nurse on the day said she didnt like doing this type of abortion as of its failure rates. This gives me some hope. Send a prayer for me!
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  #8  
January 24th, 2013, 02:24 PM
ninja_mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Oahu
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Some things they might be able to see at 12 weeks and some no. They might be able to an amnio to determine some other things. Good luck in your decision.
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  #9  
January 24th, 2013, 03:09 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5,500
Please do not let your boyfriend determine if you should get an abortion or not. IMO, you deserve a better man. A real man would understand that with sex comes the risk of pregnancy and a real man would take care of his baby..not make it just go away.

Now if abortion is something you want, then that is a different story.
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  #10  
January 24th, 2013, 10:09 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 34
Please google someone named Gianna Jessen. She survived a saline abortion and tells her amazing story. You will not regret giving this child, your child, life.
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  #11  
January 26th, 2013, 04:51 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,395
Wow, to me (lurking) and this is JMO....it sounds like GOD really wants this baby to be! I believe, just my belief system, that GOD is the giver of life (it's oky if others don't)....so to me, the fact that you have this beautiful life is for a reason......I can also tell you that I have had to take medications through my whole preg that posed some risks and my sis in law has epilepsy and had to take something very risky....we both had perfect children. What I've learned, especially from my dad who is an experienced and head sono tech , babies are more protected and resilient in there than we think. I always worried about how fragile they are in there but the truth is we make a good home for them and despite many of our actions, many of times they are okay still. Praying for you....

Listen, you will be MOM, and I don't care what anyone says a man does not have that inital instinct (or some men..most) to love, nurture, and protect from the moment of pregnancy. It's different for them. I also know, and I am married that love I have for my husband can't compare to the love I have for my kids...they are me; ya know? I think if you lose a bf over this, he wasn't your prince charming and you still gain a BEST FRIEND for life! My father left my mom when she was preg with me and she was heartbroken! But.....she always says I gave her life definition, strength, new meaning, and a greater love than she ever knew!

You GOT THIS!!! xoxox <<hugs>>>>
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  #12  
January 27th, 2013, 08:41 PM
BriLandy's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Puyallup, Wa
Posts: 100
I know it's past the date you had scheduled, but coming from parents who did not plan on having a child, please don't abort the baby.

Even if you don't feel that it is the right time to have a baby, there is always the option of putting him/her up for adoption. This little baby has proved to be a miracle, he/she beat the odds and survived what was supposed to be the end of their little life. I think that alone is a sign that it's meant to be.

I was adopted after my very young, unwed parents found out that they were having a baby. I'm a living example of how many women and men are unable to have their own biological children and pray every day for a miracle to come along.

Yes, that is an option that would be very difficult to go through but I promise you it would be worth it. If you choose to continue with the pregnancy, I promise you will have an indescribable feeling when you see your baby moving for the first time.

I'm pregnant with my first child, who was unplanned also. I recently had the "big" ultrasound where I got to see her cupping her little hands around her ear, and then saw her smile - it melted my heart. Just a couple of days ago I saw her move for the first time also.

You have the right to make whatever decision you feel is right and I'm pro choice, I promise, it's worth it.

P.S. My baby's father also pressured me to get an abortion stating the same reasons. I considered it as well but wouldn't change anything now. Please don't let his statements influence your decision - you're the mother, you are in charge. Best of wishes.
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  #13  
January 27th, 2013, 08:49 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
The only thing I could find is that you will need to seek counseling to discuss the possibility of birth defects. You may be considered a high risk pregnancy because of it. However, I have not found a listing of any KNOWN birth defects in a continued pregnancy.

It seems that you are a rare bird. The vast majority of women go on to have a surgical abortion. Only a small handful take the opportunity to reflect as you have done.

I would say that because your baby survived the heavy dose and that it did not receive a continuous dosage it is likely that your body did a good job of filtering the majority of the toxins and left your baby unharmed.

I would advise you to cancel the surgical procedure immediately and seek counseling and perhaps a new OB/GYN or midwife. Doing so would signal to your provider your changed mindset and will respond more favorably to your decision. This way, if there is something wrong your new provider will be on your side getting you all the information and support you will need.

Good luck and congratulations!
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