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21 scared and approximately 5 weeks pregnant, I dont know what to do...


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 1 Post By ElliotsMommy13
  • 2 Post By neefer

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  #1  
January 22nd, 2013, 11:34 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4
I have never been into the idea of abortion for myself at all - but now that I am actually pregnant... I'm leaving all my options open.

The idea of having a baby fascinates me, I didn't think I could get pregnant and I am very relieved to know now that I can.

The daddy is 33. Twelve years older than me. It's quite an age difference but in most aspects I am a very mature 21 year old - considering all I had to deal with growing up. I had a young mother, who would never want to take back her 3 children, we all had a very hard childhood but I am glad she decided to keep me. Ton's of people tried to bribe her, some even tried to buy me from her AFTER I WAS BORN.

...Most of my family and friends are very supportive of my decision - in what ever I choose... but, this is such a difficult scenario to face in life and now that I'm actually in it... I'm just severely scared and don't know what to do.

The father also is supportive in any decision but has made it clear he does not feel ready financially to have a child. He says under different circumstances that he would be all for it. By different circumstances he means that I would be doing a different job, that we would date move in together, get married, then talk about kids before having them.

...but I am pregnant NOW.

I don't feel this is my life to take. I have always wanted to experience this. I smiled when I first read the positive tests.

I'm young but mature in most respects. I'm afraid I wouldn't be a good mother and he is worried about the same thing as well. I don't think I could live with myself if I got an abortion... I would probably wind up being very self destructive.

...I feel in my heart that I would be a great mother - but I am so scared that I will mess up. That I will yell, or hit, or hurt in some physical or psychological way... not intentionally... but, in a moment of exhaustion and overwhelming emotions as a new parent.

...I need my boyfriend to support me as a mother even when I have bad days if I'm going to have this baby. I think that's one of the things that terrifies me the most.

Please, any and all advice is helpful in it's own way and would be more than appreciated.
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  #2  
January 23rd, 2013, 12:05 AM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
It sounds to me you already know you want this baby deep down. Im 24.. no father in the picture and knowing he will never get a job, I will never see child support. Im not in the best job but getting to the point where Ive seen two ultrasounds and in just 3 weeks and 3 days I can find out the gender. I am so scared myself.. but also deep down I know it will be hard but can do this. I think it is going to be the same for you. No mother is perfect.. but I am sure you will do great. You aren't alone. Plus, if you aren't ready to be with the father, you can do this by yourself. You will realize how strong you can be. The ladies on this site are pretty amazing. I love my due date club here. It is a support group.
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  #3  
January 23rd, 2013, 12:26 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Maryland
Posts: 287
Ok here goes...this might be long...

If you go back through posts on this board, you'll see that the standard answer is that if you have any doubts at all you shouldn't have an abortion. You can't change your mind later, and the guilt and sadness afterward can wreak havoc on you for years to come. This is all so very true. Your heart wants the baby. But if for some reason you think it through and feel you cannot raise it, then maybe you can love the baby enough to let another family give it a chance at life.

As for you and your strength...it is expected that anyone in your shoes would question whether she is capable of being a good mom. But I have to tell you that you yourself have so much control over this. Becoming a mom can bring out the best in you. I know it did for me. It was the single most significant event in my life that made me a better person. I learned so much and tried so hard. If you put your mind to it, you can do it and be the best mom you can be. That is all any of us can do, and none of us are perfect.

Having said all of that, I do believe it "takes a village to raise a child." It IS a huge deal. But I just want to advise you to not rely on any single one person (your boyfriend) to carry that burden. At the end of your post you said that you would need him to support you as a mother if you are to keep the baby. No, it would be nice to have his support....but you don't need it. Try to get support from wherever you can. It might be people you know right now (friends and family), and it might be people you find later.

You were right when you said that this baby is here NOW. It would be nice to be able to go back and make these decisions with more preparation and thought, but that's not the way it is going now. You are young (I'm old enough to be your mom). But you certainly aren't too young to be a great mom. And I've even seen teenagers come through this and do a wonderful job...and very happily too!

Stay strong. I hope you keep the baby, or at least let him or her go to another couple if you can't. But I think it will be very hard on you to abort. If you smiled at a positive pregnancy test, think how you'll be beaming when you hold your sweet little baby. Joy!
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  #4  
January 23rd, 2013, 12:30 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4
Thank you for all the great advice. I am very sure I want to parent this child and I think I will make a great mom. It's wonderful to know I have a place where I can get insight from other mothers or mothers to be.
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  #5  
January 23rd, 2013, 01:14 PM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
You also have a place to vent. definitely needed..

It doesn't seem to me from the way you described it that the father is really the one for you either.. I just hope you don't get sucked in like a lot of my friends just because you are pregnant.. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be easy.. Not pressured.

If it doesn't work out, I will say something a girl friend said to me at lunch the other day.. She said lately she has recovered a trend in "starter families".. Where tons of guys.. And good responsible guys really want to be part of a family without the pressure of getting someone pregnant., so all of her single friends with kids keep getting these great guys willing to step up and be a father figure and everything and eventually getting married and having more kids like the first was their own. She then said she thinks she needs to just get pregnant to find a good guy. Lol.. I have noticed that a little myself as well.. Guys willing to be with a woman with a baby are usually really strong and supportive guys. I can see that. It made me feel a little bit better. I'm not sure how accurate her statement was, though.
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  #6  
January 24th, 2013, 08:51 AM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,395
<<<<lurking>>>> Hon, it seems like you have the will and heart to have this baby! It also sounds like the only doubt you have is not really in yourself, but in how your bf feels about your abilities. He may be projecting his own worries as a parent on you. When it comes down to it, you are carrying that child and if he is not supportive that is okay but you ultimately make that decision.

My father left my mother when she was preg with me and on full bed rest for an incompetant cervix. She was devestated as she had just buried two babies who were born at like 22 weeks. However, she has always said I made her grow up, I gave her strength she never knew she had, I gave her life meaning.

All moms, despite out age worry if we will be able to hack it....that is actually a very healthy sign. In fact, most "young" moms and I won't even say you are a YOUNG mom bc I was a young mom and always felt that I was looked at with less respect though doing the same stuff, anyway...most "young" moms aren't aware that it is going to be hard BUT...and this is THE BEST BUT EVER....hard, but the most magical and fulfilling thing you can EVER imagine!

I think you know your answer too.....you have a place here to talk but to me it sounds quite clear what you want to do soooo A HUGE CHEER AND CONGRATS TO YOU! This baby was given to you for a reason.....so exciting to see who this person is going to be!!!! xoxo <<hugs>>> stay strong!!
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  #7  
January 24th, 2013, 11:16 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 801
I'm not against abortion, but in your situation, it seems like abortion would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Money will always be tight, you never know what the future holds, there will never be a perfect time to have a baby no matter how long you wait. It sounds like you will be a great mom, just the fact that you care enough to ask advice. Good luck!
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  #8  
January 24th, 2013, 12:55 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: michigan
Posts: 223
it is not an easy answer I was in a similar position back in november I found out I was pregnant and was 21 I ended up keeping my pregnancy but then had a misscarriage. Honestly the advice I can give is do what you feel is best for you and your bf its hard to say what is right or wrong at this point
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