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I have been reading the posts of young woman that are scared and confused about what to do about their pregnancy. I totally get it, I was there and made a decision I regret every day of my life.
I was in a relationship that I thought was pretty solid. I became pregnant and my "then" boyfriend told me to get an abortion due to not being ready financially. I foolishly listened to this man thinking that the timing was just off but that later on we would PLAN to have children. Complications with the abortion lead to me being unable to have anymore chldren. I was devastated and unable to cope. He felt unable to deal with my feelings of anger and sadness and he walked out of the relationship. (in hind site.... Thank God!
I am now married to an angel of a man who I am deeply in love with. We want nothing more than to raise a child together and the impossibility of giving him a biological child breaks my heart daily. We are trying to adopt but the odds seem close to winning the lotto.
So here we are, financially, emotionally stable couple with my defunkt uterous. My Karma is daunting at times!!
Point being, if we all waited to be in a stable job, have a fantastic income and live in a mansion prior to having our children, the population would be depleted. We are women. Women can do ANYTHING by themselves if we have to. Don't give up and give in to the infinite wisdom of anyone asking you to have an abortion. If you choose to not parent your child, consider adoption. Like me, there are amazing people out here just waiting for the opportunity to parent a little munchkin. Not to mention that open adoption allows for you to maintain a relationship with your child if you choose.
Im just saying that help is out there and if you need to talk to someone who's been there I'm here.
That was a great post and I find all of it to be true.
I'm in that position now. I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) in a fairly new relationship with a young man who I had recently rented an apartment with. He told me the same things, that a baby shouldn't be born if the parents didn't plan it/were unable to take care of it. And I thought about listening to him but had to turn in the other direction and decided to do what was best for the baby. When I told him I was going to keep the baby he said I wasn't ready and that I was pressuring him. I told him that I would do it whether he chose to be there or not, and he said he was going to be there with me.
Now, I'm 6 months pregnant with a very alive baby whose father is no longer living with me after a series of events and I no longer have a job, so I'm back at my parents house feeling pretty scared but excited at the same time. I'm hurt, disappointed, and anxious about him not being supportive at all. I have to beg him to come see me and he never asks how I'm doing or how the baby is.
I keep doubting myself, worrying that I'm making the wrong choices or that I'm not going to be able to be the parent that I want to be for this baby. But at the same time I know that a lot of it is listening to the doubts that he tries to put in my head. I want him here and want to be a family, but don't know if it's right to keep trying.
I respect you for talking about adoption, being adopted myself, and I considered it an option at the beginning. So many people are waiting for a child to come into their lives and so many people don't realize this, choosing to end the life of a baby instead. Even though I didn't plan this pregnancy, I couldn't imagine not feeling her kick or to not see her with her tiny hands cupped around her ears on the ultrasound machine. I'm sorry you're unable to have children now but I think you'll get a chance to still be a parent to a little boy or girl who needs loving parents like you and your partner - you just have to be patient.
I think some woman truly feel that abortion is the only option because maybe they aren't as educated as they should be on the other options available, especially the young mothers.
I chose termination when I was 19 as as result of being in a terrible relationship, no jobs, living in a motel room and terribly unhappy. I do not regret the decision I made and I did my research before deciding ... not saying it wasn't hard to go through because it most def. was and is something I will never forget. However, I know that it was the BEST decision for me to make at the time & it also helped me to grow up, face reality, get out of that relationship, move back home with my parents, go to College, finish College, get a great job, find a wonderful man, etc.
And now 11 years later I am pregnant, planned and wanted, and I do think about that little angel baby everyday but I am not sad or upset about it. I came to terms with my decision and am happy that God is giving me another chance at being pregnant.
I am so very sorry you had a complication that caused you not to be able to have children but please don't blame it on Karma. Everything happens for a reason. If you are having difficulties adopting, maybe you can find a surrogate? Using your egg and your husbands sperm, you can still have a biological child, just not one that you'd carry.
Lets not forget that this board is about respecting and supporting everyones choices no matter what they are. When one is faced with an unplanned pregnancy there are three options: Abortion, adoption, and parenting. None are any less valid than the others.
I had an abortion at 17 and it was the best choice for me. I didn't love the guy and he didn't love me. It was a one time thing and the condom broke. I told him as soon as I found out and the first words out of his mouth were "It's not mine" and I was never able to get in contact with him again. I was already living on my own. I was still in high school and had a job at a grocery store that was just enough to pay my bills and eat Ramen noodles every night. I couldn't afford a baby. I was sharing a two bedroom appartment with 2 other people that partied all the time. There wasn't room for a baby and my roommates didn't want to deal with one. It wasn't a place for a baby. I was barely taking care of myself and there was no part of me that wanted the baby. I couldn't care for it and give it everything a baby needed.
I borrowed money from my best friends parents and used every cent of my savings to pay for the abortion. My best friend and I took the day off of school and went to the clinic. I spent the morning filling out paper work, in counselling, doing blood work, and having an ultrasound. I looked at it and listened to the heartbeat. I still felt that this was the best thing. It was over in less than 5 minutes. I even asked the nurse that held my hand if that was it. I spent an hour in recovery and was home by mid-afternoon. I felt releaved and thankful. I have never regreted what I did for a second. I'm so happy I waited to have children with someone that I loved and in an place where they can be cared for.
It was so brave of you to share the lessons you learned the hard way. In everything we do, we always have to be responsible for the outcome of it. Don't lose hope with not having a biological child. There are probably some ways. With the latest technology we have right now, you can ask for possible medical solution like in-vitro.