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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 4 Post By MerinSun

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  #1  
January 30th, 2013, 12:02 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4
Hi ladies,

I am new to this board and to boards in general, but if any of you have any advice for me, I would really appreciate it!

I am 35 and have a beautiful 4 year old daughter born after 3.5 years of trying with my husband. I have always had issues with fertility and was told a year ago that I would be unable to have any more genetic children as my eggs were no good. I was devastated and only 6 months later, I discovered my husband was having an affair and we separated. It was not the first time he had cheated. I was a mess for some time, naturally.

My husband took our daughter camping over New Years and an ex of mine who I had been talking to a lot was concerned that I would be moping, so he flew me up to his beach house to spend New Years with him. We got along really well and things were looking up for me. I had accepted that I would not have any more children and had a new man in my life.

Well, I found out a week ago that I'm pregnant! I am now a wreck. The father is bullying me into having an abortion and I am really torn. I desperately wanted to have another child, but not like this and I have a lot of guilt over the fact that I would be forcing him to be a father. I never, ever, ever thought that I would ever consider having an abortion. I am all for women having the right to choose and having their own beliefs, but I personally believe that an abortion for convenience in my case would be selfish (no offense intended please, that's just for me personally). I know that if I went through with it, it would just be for him and I know that I would never get over it and would hate myself.

I should say too that the father and I are in no way in a solid relationship and it looks like any chance of a relationship is doomed now. He has even accused me of lying to him about not being able to have children and that I used him! This is in no way the case. He will either resent me for continuing with the pregnancy or I will resent him for going through with a termination and I very much doubt at this point that he could come around to the idea.

With my complications, if I was to terminate the pregnancy, I would certainly be sealing my fate as far as any more children as I would be adding to the scar tissue that is causing problems in the first place. That is due to the surgeries I had due to recurring endometriosis throughout my life.

I am now terrified and I think I already know that I will be keeping the baby, but I am so scared to tell him and I am so scared of doing this on my own. I am horrified that I will have two children to two different dads and most likely be on the benefit for quite some time until I can get my business off the ground (which I started after my husband and I split). I am worried how this child will deal with the fact that my daughter continues to have a good relationship with her dad and this child may not have any relationship with theirs. I am so scared that I will always be on my own which is so lonely and I am also scared of potentially resenting this baby.

I'm sure that there must be some of you who have had these feelings too, so any support or advice is truly welcome. Also any tips on how to deal with the bullying that i am getting from the father would be appreciated too. Thanks in advance.
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  #2  
February 3rd, 2013, 09:30 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
I responded to your other thread but I wanted to comment on something you said in this thread because I've seen this comment several times on this board:
Quote:
I have a lot of guilt over the fact that I would be forcing him to be a father
You're not forcing him to be a father. No more than he "forced" you to be a mother. You both had consensual sex that resulted in a pregnancy. You provided 50% of the DNA and so did he. It takes two to tango. By giving birth to this child you are still NOT forcing him to be a father. A father is someone who raises a child. If he has no interest in that then oh well. He has financial responsibilities (just like you do now, exactly the same) but those can be waived if he waives custody. In light of his behavior I would say that life would be easier on you if you do cut him out of the picture.

And you never know, you may find a new awesome guy who would LOVE you and your children and be the father.
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  #3  
February 13th, 2013, 08:44 PM
destiny hope's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Canada Ontario
Posts: 346
I read ur post nd have to just say it is ur decision if u want this baby have this baby or u will have the what ifs forever. I will tell u me personaly had my first daughtet when I was 16 at the time hwr dad also said as he could to push me into an abortion even threatened to jump off his roof and kill himself , I kept the baby and once he saw her he was in love we stayed together a couple more years then broke up a year later I met my fiance we have been together 10yrs and just had our 3rd baby together my first daughters father passed away in a car accident 2 yrs ago and never does she feel bad or resent her siblings because they have tbeir dad and she doesnt. I truely believe u need to do what is best for you nit for anyone elze . please just remember that good luck everything happens for a reson anf god blessed u will a new baby.
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