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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 3 Post By Seasaidh
  • 3 Post By bellasky
  • 3 Post By Seasaidh
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  #1  
February 25th, 2013, 07:48 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 29
Im having a hard time with making a decision.Im 5 weeks pregnant and my bf is not ghat suppotive. I already have 6 month old,so I know its going to be hard. After I found out I was pregnant I asked my boyfriend if he saw a future with me and he said no not with the way that things are going. I told him lets.go our seperate ways and then daid whateber you want and left it at that. I then told him that I wanted an abortion out of anger andhe said er k no. Now if he dosent s
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  #2  
February 26th, 2013, 09:41 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
I read your other post too and I'm very sorry that your boyfriend is not supportive. I think the most important thing to remember is that it's not really about him or even about your relationship right now, it's about the life of your little baby. Obviously having two kids 15 months apart will be initially challenging, but it also quickly becomes wonderful and they will entertain each other and be good friends -- it's a built in playmate!

I also think the fact that your boyfriend doesn't want to end the baby's life says he's probably scared and concerned at this point, and hopefully will man-up and take responsiblity for the life you've made together. If he does, great. If he doesn't, and uses this baby as an excuse to end your relationship, he's not worth staying with anyway.

Lastly, I would really encourage you to find a birth control method you're comfortable with that is effective for you after this baby is born. You're obviously in the super fertile club and that way you could space out number 2 and 3 (if you want more after this one) until you wanted to be pregnant again.
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  #3  
March 15th, 2013, 10:55 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
I also this it will be great (and hard) to have the children close together. I had two babies close together (one planned, the other not) and they are best friends. I hope you make the right decision and give your son or daughter life and not have it depend on a man's support. I will pray for you..
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  #4  
March 19th, 2013, 01:50 PM
"Shay-see"
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 1,046
A lot of people will tell you that "life" is the "right decision". The right decision is internal to you - it depends on your situation, your needs, your experiences. You need to be able to handle what's coming down the chutes and if that precludes having a baby right now, then you may choose to wait. If, on the other hand, you really WANT to have the baby or you think it would be too much emotional pain to terminate, then the answer is to have the baby and put everything you've got into raising it well.

Everyone has an answer that is based on how they see the world. The way I see it: you and this child are the ones affected by this decision and no one can rightfully tell you what you need to do because no one has your perspective or knowledge of the situation. Examine your situation, search your heart, and perhaps seek the counsel of a family planning professional who will withhold judgement or opinions and support you with facts and options. Make an educated and rational decision if possible to optimize the outcome for yourself and those directly involved.
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  #5  
March 20th, 2013, 06:40 AM
bellasky's Avatar Blessed
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,387
The "life is the right decision" view is based on the fact that this baby deserves to be able to live. If the mother cannot take care of the baby she should put the baby up for adoption. Killing the baby for the convenience of the mother is wrong.
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  #6  
March 20th, 2013, 06:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellasky View Post
Killing the baby for the convenience of the mother is wrong.
This is your opinion. You don't have the right to force it on other people. You can say what you think, but unless the OP's interests are your greatest concern, it is unethical for you to offer her advice.

She, on the other hand, has the right to an abortion regardless of your opinion.

Here's mine;

Forcing physiological slavery on an independent adult for the sake of a non-viable entity (no, it's not a baby yet) is wrong. (A fetus is the biological equivalent of a parasite - whether it is permitted to continue demanding bodily resources or not is the choice of the person whose body supports it - in this case, it *is not* you.) Her body is not territory over which your feelings or thoughts have any jurisdiction.

Forcing a woman to grow a child inside her (at a great physical cost/risk) and then give it away (at a great emotional/mental health cost/risk) because she can't afford to take care of it herself is wrong.

Forcing people to bring unwanted/unprepared-for children into the world when so many languish unloved in orphanages and foster care is wrong.

See how morality is a matter of individual rationalization and belief? Why is yours so much more valuable than that of a person who thinks that the mother's needs trump those of anything alive inside her?

Lastly, unless you're putting up the money to help her raise this child or get therapy when giving it away is the emotional equivalent of a nuclear bomb in her life, you really have no business telling her she has to keep the pregnancy.

She has the right to decide, and that's the fact.
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  #7  
March 20th, 2013, 09:59 PM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
Since when did this site become a debate? I've been seeing this more and more. The reason I love JM is because it usually has a lot of rational calm discussions.. In this board, there are always three options available to those looking for advice.. abortion, keep the baby, or give the baby up. I don't think anyone should ever pressure a woman in the unexpected pregnancy situation into getting an abortion or guilt them into keeping it just based on personal feelings. That being said, people are asking for opinions by posting on here. I think all non-harrassing, pressuring, or guilting responses are valid. I, for example, tend to lean towards keeping a child as I am in the situation now where it is going to be very tough, but once I decided to go into it alone, I am really excited.. nervous, yes.. but excited.. and I have seen many friends and family members who have aborted and did not do it for the right reasons and always regret it since that is an irreversible action.. however, there are always circumstances where keeping the child might not be best.. women in this scary situation doing it alone and feeling unsupported should not be blamed either way. I just really hope this board does not turn into a heated debate. I really think it should be more of a safe haven with no judgement of any opinion.


as for the original post.. I would just say.. was the threat of abortion only out of anger or was it a consideration? Do you have a support group? If you are able to care for another child so close in age and you want to, Id say don't worry about your boyfriends opinion.. Do what you feel is best for you and your child. If bringing another child into that dynamic is something you see possible, then they will definitely be close in age and probably good friends.. but if it is something you just cannot mentally or financially take on at this moment, I'd say definitely look into the abortion option but don't do it alone.. At least confide in a close friend or even the private board here. I have seen some people come out of abortions just fine, but others be truly depressed afterwards as they always ask "what if." A friend would be nice at this moment either way.
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  #8  
March 20th, 2013, 10:27 PM
"Shay-see"
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 1,046
I merely countered opinions with opinions. The only thing that concerns me - the only conviction I have in this matter at all is that the OP should do what she needs to in order to optimize her outcome for her and those that depend on her decisions. She deserves to have her options laid out fairly and to have support for whatever her choices may be (and, folks, remember what your mother taught you; if you can't say anything nice...).

I'm not imposing my moral holdings on anyone, but I reserve the right to defend the vulnerable when people start tossing around words like "right' and "wrong" as though they are in some kind of a position of authority on the matter.

Anyone who states an opinion as an opinion (e.g. "I think abortion is wrong") is operating in the spirit of the thread, but when you start stating beliefs as absolute truth (e.g. "abortion is wrong") your commentary becomes fair game for scrutiny. True facts.
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  #9  
March 20th, 2013, 11:28 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,046
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasaidh View Post
I merely countered opinions with opinions. The only thing that concerns me - the only conviction I have in this matter at all is that the OP should do what she needs to in order to optimize her outcome for her and those that depend on her decisions. She deserves to have her options laid out fairly and to have support for whatever her choices may be (and, folks, remember what your mother taught you; if you can't say anything nice...).

I'm not imposing my moral holdings on anyone, but I reserve the right to defend the vulnerable when people start tossing around words like "right' and "wrong" as though they are in some kind of a position of authority on the matter.

Anyone who states an opinion as an opinion (e.g. "I think abortion is wrong") is operating in the spirit of the thread, but when you start stating beliefs as absolute truth (e.g. "abortion is wrong") your commentary becomes fair game for scrutiny. True facts.
This is why abortion shouldn't be debated on a thread asking for advice
Both of you should stop seriously.
You made a thread turning badly, worse and did the same thing you are complaining about which does not get people to listen to you and gets them to tune out.
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  #10  
March 31st, 2013, 08:44 PM
Loving6's Avatar Formerly Loving4
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Missouri
Posts: 12,369
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasaidh View Post
This is your opinion. You don't have the right to force it on other people. You can say what you think, but unless the OP's interests are your greatest concern, it is unethical for you to offer her advice.

She, on the other hand, has the right to an abortion regardless of your opinion.

Here's mine;

Forcing physiological slavery on an independent adult for the sake of a non-viable entity (no, it's not a baby yet) is wrong. (A fetus is the biological equivalent of a parasite - whether it is permitted to continue demanding bodily resources or not is the choice of the person whose body supports it - in this case, it *is not* you.) Her body is not territory over which your feelings or thoughts have any jurisdiction.

Forcing a woman to grow a child inside her (at a great physical cost/risk) and then give it away (at a great emotional/mental health cost/risk) because she can't afford to take care of it herself is wrong.

Forcing people to bring unwanted/unprepared-for children into the world when so many languish unloved in orphanages and foster care is wrong.

See how morality is a matter of individual rationalization and belief? Why is yours so much more valuable than that of a person who thinks that the mother's needs trump those of anything alive inside her?

Lastly, unless you're putting up the money to help her raise this child or get therapy when giving it away is the emotional equivalent of a nuclear bomb in her life, you really have no business telling her she has to keep the pregnancy.

She has the right to decide, and that's the fact.
I could never use the term parasite when describing a fetus,my baby was created by me and someone I love! A parasite is something that has invaded my body unwillingly,and my body would fight it,not nourish it. My blood would not double it's volume for a parasite and my breasts would not fill to feed a parasite,they fill to nourish a baby. A parasite is not born into a human. This is not opinion it is true!
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  #11  
April 1st, 2013, 02:44 AM
bellasky's Avatar Blessed
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,387
She asked if she should get an abortion or not. I gave my opinion and reasons for them. I shouldn't have to qualify my opinions by putting "I think" in front of them. Of course it's what I think. If you don't agree with them then of course it's an opinion. If you don't like my opinions that's fine, but I can still have them. How are your opinions better than mine? Because they are your opinions? Because mine seem too black and white? Just because my view on things is not popular does not mean that I should be silenced.

Her best interests are my concern. The emotional turmoil that women go through after having an abortion is horrible. I am trying to save her from that. Yes she would go through physiological pain to keep this baby growing, but her emotional health after having the baby I believe will be much better long-term if she does not kill the baby.
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Last edited by bellasky; April 1st, 2013 at 02:48 AM.
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