[MindyRambo]

Originally Posted by debs86

Here is a great resource (no pressure, awesome people) for you, they really helped me:
No matter where you are at in making a decision for you and your baby, Bethany counselors are ready to talk with you. Its always confidential. Call 1.800.BETHANY (1.800.238.4269) or you can chat online at bethany.org (pregnancy counseling).

Sorry but I can't believe you posted Bethany Christian Services as a no pressure agency! What a freaking joke. Not to be rude, but they are one of the worst. I know several heartbroken birth mothers who've had their open adoptions slammed shut, and this was supported by Bethany. Stay clear!

Ladies you are posting some kind words, but some is just veiled judgement, and the guilt you are laying on is unnecessary.

Originally Posted by Loving6

I agree with no sex,abortion is not a form of birth control. You asked for this pregnancy when you was having unprotected sex. Now weather you deserve this baby or if someone who's cried their eyes out for years because they cannot have children, I don't know. You will have to do some soul searching for that. Best of luck to you! Just thought you needed to hear truth and not fuzzy warm answers.

I'm sorry but that was incredibly rude. Yes, I agree with you that it's very sad when people try for years for a baby, and others get pregnant easily with an unplanned pregnancy, but that isn't the OP's fault, and she shouldn't be made to feel like she owes anyone a baby. You are basically implying that she doesn't deserve her child. That may be your opinion, but incredibly rude to say to a pregnant woman.

[Urchin]

AMEN Mindy.

I hope the OP makes the choice for her. I see so much pressure for her to put the child up for adoption like it would be an easy choice. I see a lot of passive-aggressive guilt tripping going on to coerce her to prevent abortion.

While I think that the OP needs a better means of PREVENTING pregnancy, and don't believe abortion should be used as a means of contraception, I do think that if she does decide to abort, that is her decision. Sometimes, unfortunately, it's better off for the mom and unborn fetus to go that route. I think every precaution needs to be taken to prevent from needing to make such a choice as abortion, but here in this current situation, that doesn't apply anymore.

OP: whatever you choose to do. I really hope you can come to peace with your choice. I also hope that in the future you become more responsible as to not put yourself and another life in such a predicament.

Good luck!

[MindyRambo]

I completely agree with you, word for word.

Most definitely some passive agressive guilt tripping going on! If you are that much against abortion (understandable) you probably shouldn't read the threads in unplanned pregnancy.

[debs86]

I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. I just posted an agency that helped me and I'm sure help lots of women. I guess not all adoption processes run perfectly but most do, mine did. I am just trying to give her an option that will save the life of her child. I don't believe ending a life is ever a good option, for anyone, least of all the baby. I was hoping to post my opinion/advice without judgemental comments/bullying.

[Seasaidh]

Wow I'm glad Mindy was here saying things calmly and rationally because this thread was hitting my hot buttons very hard.

OP; this is about you. In the end, YOU are the one who is going to have to face the consequences of whatever decision you make.

If it's adoption, great, but know that the process of growing, having, and relinquishing a baby is the single most emotionally difficult thing you're likely ever to do (I know because I've done it). There's no financial reimbursement because that would be human trafficking, but there's some emotional payback from knowing your child is growing up loved and cherished (but at least for me there's still a large emotional deficit you have to be willing and able to live with should it exist for you). There's also a big change that occurs immediately after labor where a lot of women decide rather suddenly to keep the baby, so this *could* mean you still end up with a kid. Some places make you sign papers in advance so that you can't change your mind - I don't know where the policies on these things are these days, but I consider this very emotionally dangerous territory. Do NOT go into an adoption situation, whatever you do, without an informed advocate or a strong commitment to read absolutely everything you can find about what you're doing and who you're working with.

If you decide to keep this child, great! Know that having and rearing a child is both emotionally and physically exhausting - fortunately the rewards are also very abundant. Single moms do fine all the time, but they also work very hard every day. If you're not willing or able to put in the necessary effort, it's not fair to go this route.

If you decide that this chance pregnancy (Sorry, I'm not spiritual - things happen and we make choices and life goes on) is not something you can handle right now, you are completely within your rights to abort, and for your own health I hope you are more cautious in your future sexual encounters. Condoms work fine when they stay on - hormonal contraception isn't for everyone. No judgement either way, but find what works and stick with it - for you. You know what the emotional costs of abortion are, so I won't try to lecture you on those.

You owe *no one* **anything**. I'm sure if you had a magic fertility wand you'd go around blessing the wombs of less-fertile women, but the fact is a baby will come at a tremendous cost to you (not all of it material) and your decisions about whether to have it and what to do with it need to be about what will make the most sense for your combined physical, mental, and emotional health - not what someone else thinks you should do for them. You are not responsible for the injustices of life that render capable women infertile. Do not allow yourself to be saddled with them; it's a trap.

My post was not designed to sway you in any direction but to outline the most important aspects of each choice and present them equally favorably. Any apparent bias is unintentional and based on my personal experiences; please attempt to ignore it. This is about you and what's right for you.

Please be very careful about who you seek support and help from right now. You are in a very vulnerable spot and MOST people advise based on their personal biases and desires (many without realizing that's what they're doing). Family planning services like Planned Parenthood can recommend counselors and other professionals whose job it is to present options and provide support in a way that is fair and focuses on your interests.

Take care of yourself, and stay strong.

[MindyRambo]

Seesaidh has given you amazing advice here! Please don't be too hard on yourself, and take some time to really think about what you want. Best of luck

Originally Posted by Seasaidh

If it's adoption, great, but know that the process of growing, having, and relinquishing a baby is the single most emotionally difficult thing you're likely ever to do (I know because I've done it). There's no financial reimbursement because that would be human trafficking, but there's some emotional payback from knowing your child is growing up loved and cherished (but at least for me there's still a large emotional deficit you have to be willing and able to live with should it exist for you). There's also a big change that occurs immediately after labor where a lot of women decide rather suddenly to keep the baby, so this *could* mean you still end up with a kid. Some places make you sign papers in advance so that you can't change your mind - I don't know where the policies on these things are these days, but I consider this very emotionally dangerous territory. Do NOT go into an adoption situation, whatever you do, without an informed advocate or a strong commitment to read absolutely everything you can find about what you're doing and who you're working with.

I so agree with you, and infact I think it should be illegal to have moms sign the papers pre-birth, you have no idea how you will feel until after the baby is born, and not right after either, but given a chance for the medications to wear off, and hormones to relax a bit. Otherwise that is just coersion to an insane degree.

[jennica06]

if u cnt handle a child right now rather then spending on abortion why not put the child up for adoption cuz i really think killing a infant without givin her or him a chance to live is un justifiable for no one has the right to end a life that has not even begun why would u want to go pst the pain of abortion and the hassle of paying when u can just wait 9 months give birth and put the child for adoption right there for after that u can fix ur life without harming the baby right

[Urchin]

Originally Posted by jennica06

if u cnt handle a child right now rather then spending on abortion why not put the child up for adoption cuz i really think killing a infant without givin her or him a chance to live is un justifiable for no one has the right to end a life that has not even begun why would u want to go pst the pain of abortion and the hassle of paying when u can just wait 9 months give birth and put the child for adoption right there for after that u can fix ur life without harming the baby right

Seriously? Yet another person making adoption sound like an easy peasy fairy tale solution.


I think many other people have, in great detail, explained why adoption is not always the best choice for some. You're being very judgemental with your response and are no way being constructive.

[Sarahtrotter]

Why didn't u just get the coil fitted u should always use contraception even if u use a condom coz there is always chance if it splitting its bit fair on the baby's that u conceive and then have a abortion coz u didn't use the right contraception I dnt like to sound nasty as I'm not a nasty person I just don't agree with abortion I think it's wrong and upsets me that so many people get pregnant coz they haven't used the right contraception and kill there baby coz they aren't ready or times are not right I have 4 little boys and I may have fell again on the marina but if I am I still would not have a abortion even tho I know it will be hard to have a 5,4,3,11month old and new baby and know that I probably couldn't afford it But still would never have a abortion

[MindyRambo]

Yes, yes, we know, you are so much better than the OP. This is getting really old, you have no right to judge. There is no "right" contraceptive, and nothing is fool proof.

[Urchin]

Originally Posted by Sarahtrotter

Why didn't u just get the coil fitted u should always use contraception even if u use a condom coz there is always chance if it splitting its bit fair on the baby's that u conceive and then have a abortion coz u didn't use the right contraception I dnt like to sound nasty as I'm not a nasty person I just don't agree with abortion I think it's wrong and upsets me that so many people get pregnant coz they haven't used the right contraception and kill there baby coz they aren't ready or times are not right I have 4 little boys and I may have fell again on the marina but if I am I still would not have a abortion even tho I know it will be hard to have a 5,4,3,11month old and new baby and know that I probably couldn't afford it But still would never have a abortion

Actually, you're being a very nasty person by coming here and posting something like this. Exactly what are you contributing other than a poorly written response to this topic?

You may not agree with abortion, but you're not in any place to pass judgement on those who do not have the same views as you.