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3 weeks pregnant, second possible abortion in one year


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 12th, 2013, 01:44 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
Hi there,

I am new to this site as I am currently 3 weeks pregnant and this is the second time I am pregnant in a year. I had an abortion in September 2012. I am so annoyed that this has happened to me AGAIN.
I am to blame though. I have not been using birth control, only condoms. The time I think I conceived was when we didn't use protection and 'pulled out'. The last time i was pregnant I fell pregnant whilst using a condom. I have a NUVO ring in my house but haven't used it as I don't like using birth control unless I'm in a committed relationship. I have been utterly stupid because I have still been having regular sex and haven't started using it!
I have used an implant, the pill and the injection for over 6 or 7 years and I don't like not being aware of my cycle I prefer non hormonal contraception. An IUD is an option.

Now I find myself pregnant AGAIN. I am 26, I don't have a steady job (I have been in temporary work/freelancy type work) I'm currently job hunting. I don't have a boyfriend. We recently split up. He doesn't want the baby.

I am really concerned how another abortion in less then 7 months is going to affect me.
i know that this is the last straw now, I have been saying to myself latterly that I am not choosing the right partners and I am to reliant on men and sex so I need a break, especially since I'm in no state to look after a baby. As I said I no big fan of contraception. So since I can't handle the possible consequences, then perhaps its time for a long hiatus. No dating for a year whilst I sort my life out and then if mr suitable comes along then he can wait until I'm ready.

To those spiritual ones out there - do you think this 'baby' has come to me again for a reason? or pure coincidence?
  #2  
March 12th, 2013, 03:47 PM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
Not sure if it is pregnancy hormones now or not.. but am in a similar situation.. 24.. no steady job (actually just had to put in my notice to my retail job due to extreme low blood pressure).. no relationship.. but I feel like my little man is in my life for a reason. I am almost 20 weeks pregnant.. It has been hard getting all I need for this baby but I finally feel well prepared. I actually dreamed I was pregnant before I found out and shook it off as I thought it could not possibly be true!! Im excited about being a mom now.. but it took time to adjust to the thought.

What are YOU thinking you want to do? If your job status and relationship status was not an issue.. what would you want to do? also, if you are worried about too many abortions to affect your body.. would adoption be an option? You can get your medical bills covered by future adoptive parents who arent as "lucky" as you in the fertility world.

Also, for me.. It has been refreshing just focusing on me and this baby without any men.. so, it might be nice to take a break from that and focus on something else.

either way you go.. there are tons of support groups on here.. There are due date clubs to talk to women close to your due date so you know what is going on with your body.. there is also abortion support groups.. etc.. It will be hard whichever route you go if you are doing it alone.
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  #3  
March 12th, 2013, 08:48 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
Thanks for the supportive answer. I wish you the best of luck! I probably would have the baby if I had more money and a supportive partner. I don't really agree on bringing children into unstable homes. It's stressful and not fair. But I also don't feel that scared of bringing up the baby either. Adoption is not something I'd want to do unless they pay for the baby, I'm sorry but giving up nine months of my time to then hand my baby over is not sNHS covers medical bills.

I couldn't go that amont of time and hand over my baby. I know I couldn't. I'm not an invalid. I have a life. I just don't know what to do
  #4  
March 13th, 2013, 08:26 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 801
First off, I'm sorry you are in this situation, and I feel for you.



Quote:
Originally Posted by nknk View Post
Hi there,

I am new to this site as I am currently 3 weeks pregnant and this is the second time I am pregnant in a year. I had an abortion in September 2012. I am so annoyed that this has happened to me AGAIN.
I am to blame though. I have not been using birth control, only condoms. The time I think I conceived was when we didn't use protection and 'pulled out'. The last time i was pregnant I fell pregnant whilst using a condom. I have a NUVO ring in my house but haven't used it as I don't like using birth control unless I'm in a committed relationship.
Can I ask why? Seems to me it should be the other way around unless I'm missing something... Why would you not use protection in casual relationships where you no you don't want a family with that person? Seems like not using contraceptive would be better in a committed relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nknk View Post
Thanks for the supportive answer. I wish you the best of luck! I probably would have the baby if I had more money and a supportive partner. I don't really agree on bringing children into unstable homes. It's stressful and not fair. But I also don't feel that scared of bringing up the baby either. Adoption is not something I'd want to do unless they pay for the baby, I'm sorry but giving up nine months of my time to then hand my baby over is not sNHS covers medical bills.

I couldn't go that amont of time and hand over my baby. I know I couldn't. I'm not an invalid. I have a life. I just don't know what to do
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and just assume you don't know much about adoption, but paying for a baby is not only extremely unethical, it's illegal. However most agencies will have the adoptive parents pay for the medical bills, but that in itself is not a reason to choose adoption.

I hope you find some peace in all of this, and I really hope this doesn't happen again. I don't have a problem with abortion, but it seems like you are heading down the road of using it as contraceptive since you don't seem to like to use protection. I wish you all the best.
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Last edited by MindyRambo; March 13th, 2013 at 08:29 AM.
  #5  
March 13th, 2013, 05:55 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
THAT NOT TRUE. I use condoms most of the time and of a few times I haven't. One time being out of my control (he took it off and then I realised when it was too late) and I got the morning after pill. But obviously didn't work.
It does not make sense about the contraception, I agree - the point is I have been spontaneous and not thinking straight with my recent sexual actions - in terms of planning with contraception. I have sex a few times with a recent partner with a condom and once I'm ready I'd use the NUVO ring. Which I have in my house. I don't like it, but I understand the need as of course - look whats happened I am now pregnant.

I know I have a few issues with this and I won't be having sex for a minimum of six months after this ordeal. Because its not fair on anyone.
  #6  
March 13th, 2013, 05:55 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
THAT NOT TRUE. I use condoms most of the time and of a few times I haven't. One time being out of my control (he took it off and then I realised when it was too late) and I got the morning after pill. But obviously didn't work.
It does not make sense about the contraception, I agree - the point is I have been spontaneous and not thinking straight with my recent sexual actions - in terms of planning with contraception. I have sex a few times with a recent partner with a condom and once I'm ready I'd use the NUVO ring. Which I have in my house. I don't like it, but I understand the need as of course - look whats happened I am now pregnant.

I know I have a few issues with this and I won't be having sex for a minimum of six months after this ordeal. Because its not fair on anyone.
  #7  
March 13th, 2013, 07:49 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
Multiple abortions in a short time span can affect future fertility and general health. The longer you wait the more damage will be done.

I know that you're using condoms and don't feel comfortable with using hormonal birth control right now but please understand that the regular and original function of sex is procreation. Sex is intended to make babies. It feeling good is a by product. The more lax you are the more your body is thinking you're trying to
make a baby.

Because your male partner removed the condom that should suggest to you that men using and actually utilizing the available birth control is unreliable. You cannot afford to depend on what choices they make in your sexual relationship because ultimately you're the one who will have to deal with the fallout. That's why it is strongly recommended for women to take full control of their birth control and use condoms as a supplement or for STD protection. You do not need to track your cycles or ovulation when using a hormonal IUD or implant. Most last for 3-5 years without you having to do a thing and many women stop having cycles completely. If you think that children are just not in your future you can seek getting your tubes tied.

Also, I'd like to second the opinion on looking into adoption. Many (most) agencies will pair you with a family who will pay for all your medical costs. You say that you're not financially stable and that you don't want to bring a child into that turmoil, which is understandable. However, this baby is already conceived and I firmly believe that if you were to give it the choice it would choose to go to a loving family rather than be terminated.
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Last edited by MerinSun; March 13th, 2013 at 07:53 PM.
  #8  
March 14th, 2013, 09:49 AM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 17
I just caught this post and I can understand your questions and concerns. And, it's certainly not easy making a decision like this and deciding the best future for you and this baby. I know you mentioned you weren't sure if you wanted to go through adoption due to the cost/time, but perhaps it would be worthwhile to talk to someone who has experience with this to see what it really involves and what your options are? I know Crisis Pregnancy Centers have information like this or maybe even contact an adoption agency to see what they have to say? I've also heard of a website called iChooseAdoption.org that I think has a lot of info on this topic. Just FYI. Well, I'll be praying that you'll know what steps to take next. Keep us posted, OK?
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  #9  
March 14th, 2013, 09:56 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 801
These ladies have given you some great advice, but actually I would caution you against contacting an adoption agency unless you are certain. They are a business and unfortunately not without coercion. I wouldn't want them to talk you into something you are quite sure you wouldn't be able to do after carrying a baby 9 months. That would also spell heartbreak for an adoptive couple if you really aren't sure.

I like your idea of not having relations for at least 6 months after you figure this out, and I'm glad you recognize you are making bad decisions when it comes to men and your sexual identity.
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  #10  
March 14th, 2013, 08:55 PM
Super Mommy to be
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,146
I would suggest exploring the adoption route...don't kill your baby, give him/her a chance at life...... they're already a real person...just living inside you and not yet out in the world.....
Loving6, MIL2lissy8 and 44wannabe like this.
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Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
'Blessings' by Laura Story (What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise)
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  #11  
March 15th, 2013, 08:49 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 801
You don't owe anyone a baby... You owe it to yourself though to reflect on how you ended up in this situation. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You do what your gut is telling you.

And just to clarify, I'm not trying to talk you out of adoption, but you've already stated that you couldn't carry a baby for 9 months and then give it up, and I know that isn't going to change, especially after you've seen your baby. Unless you already know 100% in your heart that you want to go the adoption route, it's not the right choice for you.
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Last edited by MindyRambo; March 15th, 2013 at 09:09 AM.
  #12  
March 15th, 2013, 11:45 AM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
I am glad that you are seeking advice on this crucial decision. Your son or daughter's life is at stake here. Maybe this baby is a sign that will change your life. I don't know of anyone that has regretting giving their son or daughter life, giving them a chance. I don't know if adoption is right for you, only you can decide that but giving your son or daughter life is aways right. I pray that you will let your son or daughter change your life and give you love and happiness. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, so don't let circumstances dictate whether to give life to your son or daughter. There are many services, healthcare, daycare and assistance for single mothers. I will be praying for you and that little one..
MIL2lissy8 and 44wannabe like this.
  #13  
March 15th, 2013, 04:11 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,382
Hi, I've actually never been to this board, considering I'm TTC and have no unplanned pregnancy or any kind of pregnancy. I am just bored at home, so I'm lurking around.

I admire you...I really do. Although I consider myself a spiritual person, I know that you will make the decision that is best for you. That being said, these ladies have said some wonderful things about adoption. I believe you were chosen to be pregnant for a reason--so many women can't get pregnant, but for you, it happened! I think that means something. Maybe you were meant to provide an amazing child to a certain family. Maybe you were meant to have this child for yourself. There are so many hidden reasons in things...sometimes a child comes into someone's life to teach them the true meaning of love itself. Regardless of your decision, your life will be altered in some way or another, but I truly believe there is deliberate meaning behind this.

Good luck to you!! I wish you the best and you have my prayers.
MIL2lissy8, yvee80 and 44wannabe like this.
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Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

  #14  
March 16th, 2013, 02:21 PM
Social Halfwit's Avatar the shade of it all
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Denver
Posts: 964
I strongly encourage you, whatever you decide, to talk to someone about your concerns with birth control and see if there is an option that would better suit you. Contraception is not just about avoiding pregnancy, despite the name, but also about your sexual health.

From a mental/emotional health standpoint, abstinence is a great way to bring your focus back to yourself, your needs, and your desires. Don't be abstinent just to "punish" yourself for getting pregnant again, instead try to focus on a positive goal for your abstinence.

Absolutely no judgement on abortion, but it is very trying on your body and it's definitely not a good birth control method due to that. Please take care of yourself in whatever you choose.
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  #15  
March 16th, 2013, 02:21 PM
Social Halfwit's Avatar the shade of it all
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Denver
Posts: 964
I strongly encourage you, whatever you decide, to talk to someone about your concerns with birth control and see if there is an option that would better suit you. Contraception is not just about avoiding pregnancy, despite the name, but also about your sexual health.

From a mental/emotional health standpoint, abstinence is a great way to bring your focus back to yourself, your needs, and your desires. Don't be abstinent just to "punish" yourself for getting pregnant again, instead try to focus on a positive goal for your abstinence.

Absolutely no judgement on abortion, but it is very trying on your body and it's definitely not a good birth control method due to that. Please take care of yourself in whatever you choose.
__________________

Ry, happily engaged to Zach.
Mom to Bodhi, Brigham, and Elliott.







  #16  
March 17th, 2013, 06:21 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New York city
Posts: 7
I was in a very similar situation to you last year. I had one abortion in January and then another one in Augut that same year. I couldn't believe I let myself get pregnant a second time and in the same year no less. I felt a lot of shame and hated myself for messing up again. I like you am 26 and don't have a steady job so for me a baby was not something I could handle. I know getting an abortion was the right decision for me but it was not an easy decision. I wated a good 5-6 weeks going back as forth as to what to do. Now I am like a birth control nazi! I never want to have to deal with the pain of an unplanned pregancy again. I wish you all the best and no matter what you decide I'm sure you will be okay! You are not alone!!! xxxx
  #17  
March 18th, 2013, 01:07 AM
Loving6's Avatar Formerly Loving4
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Missouri
Posts: 12,369
I agree with no sex,abortion is not a form of birth control. You asked for this pregnancy when you was having unprotected sex. Now weather you deserve this baby or if someone who's cried their eyes out for years because they cannot have children, I don't know. You will have to do some soul searching for that. Best of luck to you! Just thought you needed to hear truth and not fuzzy warm answers.
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  #18  
March 18th, 2013, 10:42 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
I wonder if you are still reading these posts and I hope so because that means there might still be hope. I have been praying for you this weekend and thinking so much about why this baby is there with you. I agree with the earlier post that there is a reason the baby is there. Maybe to change your life or maybe to change someone elses. I am an adoptive mother to a precious little girl, I also have 2 biological children as well. I can't stress enough how precious each life is and how these "unexpected" children are blessings. I thank God my daughter's biological mother had the courage to have her under very terrible circumstances. My daughter is so wonderful and full of life. If you would like help with the adoption process (to be clear I do not work for an agency), I would be more than happy to help you and to give you resources. My contact information is not private so please email me. There is support out there, even from people you don't know!
  #19  
March 18th, 2013, 02:37 PM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
Here is a great resource (no pressure, awesome people) for you, they really helped me:
No matter where you are at in making a decision for you and your baby, Bethany counselors are ready to talk with you. Its always confidential. Call 1.800.BETHANY (1.800.238.4269) or you can chat online at bethany.org (pregnancy counseling).
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  #20  
March 18th, 2013, 02:37 PM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 12
Here is a great resource (no pressure, awesome people) for you, they really helped me:
No matter where you are at in making a decision for you and your baby, Bethany counselors are ready to talk with you. Its always confidential. Call 1.800.BETHANY (1.800.238.4269) or you can chat online at bethany.org (pregnancy counseling).
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