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Unplanned, bf not too happy (mini vent)


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
April 19th, 2013, 06:57 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6
Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to say hello, I just joined the forum. Well, just started posting, I joined a few months back. I had wanted a baby but my boyfriend said he wasn't anywhere near ready. When my partner says he's not ready, finding out I'm pregnant at this point is kind of scary. He knows, but we haven't had a real talk yet about what we want to do.

I'm 35 and definitely at the stage in my life where I feel like if I'm ever going to have a kid, now is the time. I do feel a sort of now-or-never pressure. I've already made up my mind that I am keeping this baby.

My boyfriend is only 24 and for a variety of reasons, definitely not ready for a baby. We are very much in love and planning on getting married (before we found out about the baby) but I can't help being very scared about what this pregnancy will do to our relationship. I'm scared he will turn us both away.

We JUST found out 3 days ago, so we are both still trying to process. But we've been arguing and still haven't had any kind of real discussion. I also think he is just so inexperienced and really doesn't have any idea WHAT to do right now (he's said as much). I know I will need to take control in this situation and guide him along. This is just what is going to have to happen. But I'm still really scared.

Is this the rough patch before we both realize how happy we are and how perfect it is for us to have a child because we are so in love?

Sigh
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  #2  
April 20th, 2013, 04:29 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
First off, congratulations on your baby. I'm sorry that your boyfriend isn't as enthusiastic about having children right now as you are, but I think it will pass. It's not surprising that unexpected news like this would freak him out a little, but I think once you give him some time to let it sink in he'll come around. It's a big change, but you are both mature adults, are already planning on getting married, and at 35 you definitely are not too young to start thinking about starting a family. I would just give him some time to process without trying to push discussions about it yet. He needs to msn up and accept the responsibility of fatherhood for the tiny son or daughter growing inside you, and that's a big thing to think about. Best wishes and please don't stress -- enjoy this pregnancy you've been wanting!
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  #3  
April 20th, 2013, 01:53 PM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
I understand the stress!! I was soo scared at first and was in a bit of denial.. But now at 25 weeks I have bought all I need little by little each paycheck and did a lot of clothes buying second hand and I am very ready for my little man knowing I can and I am prepared for it. You will be fine.. It might take a little while to really turn from anxiety to excitement.. weather it is your first ultrasound where it looks like a baby in there or first kicks.. maybe even knowing you have all you need and are mentally prepared.. You will be excited.. and if your BF loves you, he will come around and then he will love this baby even more.. Hopefully he comes around sooner than later. Some guys it takes feeling or holding the baby to get used to the idea. Good luck! and you will do great! also, if you haven't already.. you could join a due date club.. all the other women being excited can be contagious.
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