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I am 33 years old and have two children, a 13 year old and a 9 year old. I was with their father for 14 years. We recently split up in May of 2012. He has a history of on again off again drug use. Well in June of 2012 I met a guy and we started talking. He was really nice. He worked nights so we basically would see each other on the weekends. We would meet at the bar every weekend. Prior to this I rarely went out, ever. So I guess I was having a little fun and feeling free from a long relationship. I was back and forth with my feelings towards this guy because I was and still am in love with my ex. He's known that all along. I feel like I pushed myself to like him more then I did or could because he was such a good guy. I was trying to get my mind off of my ex. I know it all sounds horrible. I wasnt in a good place in my life at the time. Well fast forward... I am now 9 weeks pregnant by this guy. I'm so depressed, I'm unhappy, I dont feel like myself, I cry all the time. About a week after I found out I was pregnant I broke it off with him. I guess from not going out to the bars with him and not letting alcohol play a part in my weekends with him I realized that I dont not want a relationship with him, I do not see my future with him and I could never love him or care about him like he wants or needs. I am however keeping the baby. I have went back and forth with the decision for a couple weeks because I never planned on having anymore kids. I've had two prior abortions in the past. I can't let me selfishness take away from this baby's life. I'm just so confused. I dont know what to do anymore. MY ex has straightened out his life and is actually helping take care of our kids since he now has a job. I just told him about my pregnancy and he still wants to be with be, etc.... but at this time in my life I want and need to be alone. Please dont judge me as a bad person. I'm really not. I guess things happen for a reason.
It really sounds like you could use the help of a counselor. They will be able to go over all of your options and hear all of your fears out. An unplanned pregnancy is a very scary thing. In the end you have to do what's best for YOU and for your existing children.
However you do have the duty of telling the baby's father that you are pregnant and giving him the option to be in the baby's life or not. Regardless of if you are with him or not, regardless if you get back with your ex or not, he has the right to know that he's having a child.
I agree 100% with the PP. I don't think having complicated feelings for a man who has shared so many years of your life with you makes you a bad person. I don't think having a rebound relationship makes you a bad person. I don't think getting pregnant by the rebound person but still having strong feelings for your ex makes you a bad person, either, lol. You sound very normal and very human. A counselor would be very beneficial to you right now. They can help you sort out your feelings about your ex and about relationships in general. I would caution against starting a new relationship with your ex right now but it is good to know that once everything has settled down he'll not be a voice of negativity.
Thank you for the responses. The father of the child knows I am pregnant. He knew the day I found out. This will be his only child. I would never not let him be apart of his child's life. He is going to go to appointments with me and be involved as much as he can. I believe in the long run we could really be good friends. As far as my ex and the father of my other two children, I am not making any decisions with him. He doesnt know how I feel. He just tells me how he feels. I'm so hormonal and cry at the drop of a dime that I don't want to make any decision that I might or might not regret in the long run. At this time in my life I just want to be alone. Having another child, especially but another man was not in my plans but everything happens for a reason. I put it in God's hands. If this his is plan then there is a reason for it.