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Confused-Thinking too much-adoption? Need advice!!!


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
June 19th, 2013, 01:18 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1
This is a long and I apologize but I want you guys to understand why I'm considering adoption.

This is my second pregnancy and wasn't planned. But when we found out we we're shocked but happy and we knew we wanted to be a family. I sold my car, quit my job and moved half across the country. His family has a business that he works for and he was still living at his parents house because they we're going to move the business to OK. It was just him, his brother and his grandma. Right before I moved in his Aunt, her husband and their 2 kids moved in. When my daughter and I arrived I thought it would be okay because my daughter was in school and I would go to work all day with my fiance so there should be any issues.

His Aunt is a narcissistic lazy B*tch! She hated me for no reason even before she met me and would call my fiance's parents and say I was lazy and rude (this is an americanized/yet very traditional family). I would be gone 10 hours a day at work with my fiance and when I came home she was always studying or having an excuse and she never fed her kids or put them to sleep. I took care of her kids more then she did. His younger brother also didn't like me because supposedly my fiance changed after I came. Well... he's getting married and has a baby on the way... is he suppose to act like a kid and just hang out with you?! So there was his jealousy and then the rumor started that my whole first trimester I wasn't sick but most likely on drugs 0_o

So the day the Aunt kicked me out. I never had a confrontation or ever said anything regarding anyone in his family and their gossip about me. There's no point in talking with unreasonable people so I was still nice and did what I needed. She was talking sh*t and pissed off because I didn't come out when she told my daughter to come get me. I was on the phone with my sis-n-law and brother from japan. But she's the type of person who insist you drop everything for her the moment she calls for you. So she barged in without any remorse and yelled at me not caring who heard. After a while I told her that I knew she never liked me and that I knew about her gossip. Anyways since she was supposedly inheriting the house for free she kicked me out while I was 24 weeks pregnant. My fiance left with me and my daughter.

His parents didn't say anything and let the Aunt do what she wanted even though it's legally still their house. They control my fiance's pay and assets so of course we were stranded. They wanted me to live at their machine shop with no showers or beds. From the sounds of it even though his parents have only met me a few times they believed the younger sibling and the Aunt because they would never lie. They've finally cornered me and I was homeless pregnant with a 9yr old. My fiance couldn't leave his family yet he knew it wasn't my fault and sent me back home since I still had my apt. I knew the families plan was to get me away from him then to tell him that he can't marry me.

So now they don't want him to marry me. My fiance is the scapegoat and he has been brutally beaten and manipulated that he feels he can't leave his parents (I can't add links so but is you want to know more about narcissistic parents feel free to google) . There's 3 months until my son is born and he says he'll be here when the baby is born. But he isn't sure if he is man enough to defy his parents and is afraid he will have to walk down a road of regret, pain and misery while leaving me to fend for myself. In the mean time before the baby is born he wants to try to convince his parents to pay him more so he can provide for us or maybe reality will hit when his son is born and he'll change his mind?

I have no job, no car and little support. Raising my daughter alone was hard but at least she was in school and I was lucky enough to get a night time job. Also I had a car. There were times when my dad and stepmom would flake on me and I'd have no one to watch my daughter. Or supposedly I left my daughter there too much which in reality I was working or had school. If he doesn't come around and stand up to his parents how will I raise a 9yr old and a baby alone? I have no transportation... no job... no one to help me. How can I keep living on state assistance and not be able to give my kids the necessities? Giving up my son for adoption is crossing my mind. I don't want to but if his father doesn't come around then what can I do? It was brutal to raise my daughter alone... it took me over a year to find a job but at least I had a car to do and get what I needed.

Am I being selfish if I give up my baby for adoption? I swear I'm going crazy but I don't even have the money to buy a car seat, clothes and diapers. I have enough for rent but that's it. And I can't give up my baby to the father because he will be raised by the very people who kicked me out and wanted me to live like a homeless person. I don't want my son to grow up like his father.
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  #2  
June 19th, 2013, 09:20 AM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 18
Hi. I'm sorry that things are so tough for you right now. I read things like this and wish I could just make it better! It's so hard to know what you should do. Your situation is a tough one no doubt. What does your heart say?
Adoption could be a wonderful thing for your unborn child and for you too. Just knowing that your baby will be loved and taken care of when situations beyond your control doesnt allow you to.
No, you are not being selfish, you are being selfless! Putting the needs of your child before your own is absolutely a selfless act! There are so many people that cannot have children of their own for various reasons (believe me, i know! it stinks not being able to just have children naturally like how we were created to do! But thats another story) and these people have all this love to share!
BUT you have to decide if that is something you are willing to live with. It could be a wonderful choice for you, your daughter and unborn baby. How far along are you? You still have time to think about this and make a decision. But Im sure you know that and that's probably why you are reaching out for advice.
It will work out whatever you decide.
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  #3  
June 20th, 2013, 07:18 AM
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 13
hmm, what can I advice you is to definitely change your thoughts, to only think positive thought and dream of what you want. Never ever focus on your problems or bad situation. Look for information about the law of attraction and the power of mind (aka thoughts) and you will understand what I am saying. Do not think of giving her for adoption, dream of the life you wanna have. Good luck
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  #4  
June 20th, 2013, 03:05 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Your situation sounds incredibly stressful and difficult, and I commend you for considering adoption as I can only imagine how difficult thwt must be for you right now.

My advice is to take a deep breath and a step back. Go to your local state agency and find out exactly what aid programs you qualify for. The differ from state to state. Figure out what your finciancial situation will be with these forms of aid. Next, I really encourage you to go to a crisis pregnancy center. They can help you pursue all available help in your situation, give excellent advice and counsel, and may even be able to give you the baby gear you need if you decide not to give your baby up for adoption.

They can also put you in touch with adoption agencies and help you process your options. Ten take some time to think about everything. Decide what is best for your son and how you feel about the options. If you decide to keep him, you will have everything already prepare to get the necessary help. If you decide to give him up, you will have ready the access to the kinds of agencies that can work with you to chose a couple and a type of adoption (open, closed, etc).

Please keep us postd and I hope you can find a solution that you feel peace with!
__________________
Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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adoption , pregnant , unplanned

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