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massive shock, need advice!


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 4 Post By mamatomany
  • 1 Post By ducksaresnazzy

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  #1  
August 28th, 2013, 12:56 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3
hiya ladies,
I'm new to this board but really really need your advice right now.
over the past couple of weeks I've had a couple of sexual encounters with the same person, hes younger than me hes 18 and I'm 22. I'm on the pill but we didn't use condoms,
I've done a pregnancy test and its come back positive. I really don't know what to do and he doesnt know, i've not told him!
thanks
grace x
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  #2  
August 28th, 2013, 02:39 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Grace, I know this is a total shock, but congratulations on this new life inside you! Your small son or daughter is probably only about the size of an orange seed but already the heart is beating away and the circulatory system is forming. It's really incredible how quickly they develop at the begnning and you can track the development on many websites like this one which is fun.

As to the practical side of things, I would take a few days just to process and adjust to the news on your own. It's a big deal and a big change. Your baby's father is young, and while there's not way to know how he'll react to the news, we can hope he'll take responsibility and man up. Regardless, now is the time to surround yourself with supportive people. Hoepfully your family can fill that role, and if not, some good friends.

Most importantly savor these first few weeks of growing your baby and don't stress. You have plenty of time to work out the details. Don't feel pressured to tell anyone right away -- it's your secret and you can enjoy it as a secret as long as you like. Do, however, get on some good prenatals, stop your birth control pills, and make an appointment to see the doctor. If you'd like to get an early peek at your little one a crisis pregnancy center near you most likely will offer a free ultrasound.

I also recommend joining a due date club on this website. Having other moms to share your pregnancy with is fun and encouraging, as well as a great resource for questions. Best wishes and let us know how things go!
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Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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  #3  
August 29th, 2013, 05:11 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3
Thank you for your lovely reply, really made me smile and cheered me up a little! I'm still in total shock if I'm honest, not mentioned anything to the baby's father and I've only told a good friend. baby's father is now seeing someone else and don't lnow if I should tell him or not the other issue is his mum works for the same company as me, so I'm like oh my god! been getting pains low down at both sides today like sharp pains.
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  #4  
August 29th, 2013, 07:35 AM
ducksaresnazzy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 2,372
i would tell your child's father. he still has a right to know, and even if you don't, his mom could casually say "oh, and at the office, so and so is pregnant" and he'll do the math himself. it's better he hears it from you.

when i first was pregnant, i had cramp-like pains all. the. time. it's apparently your uterus growing. if it's unbearable, i'd call a doctor though. or even if it just feels off. i threw up all day, every day, the first four months and one day i stopped. that was so weird to me i called the doctor and turns out i was dehydrated. better be safe than sorry, you know?
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  #5  
August 29th, 2013, 10:12 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3
I know he has a right to know just scared, how do I do it do I arrange to meet with him or what?
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  #6  
August 29th, 2013, 11:49 AM
ducksaresnazzy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 2,372
in person would be best. do it in a neutral setting, not like his place or your place, but also private, so he can sort through his reaction without a lot of distraction. he might not even believe you at first (my boyfriend didn't) so there'll be a discussion. cut right the chase, be gentle but serious, and try not to get emotional.

if you need to talk or vent, you could always pm me.

good luck!
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  #7  
August 29th, 2013, 02:19 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Before you tell him, it would be wise to think through how you want to deal with his reaction. If he's supportive and wants to be involved, what level of involvement are you comfortable with? Do you want him at doctor appointments? Picking baby items? Shared custody? What kind of fincanicial responsibility is he willing to give? If he's not supportive, don't let him bully you emotionally by the whole , 'this is ruining my life' line. He had his fun and chose not to use a condom. It's not your or your baby's fault or responsibility to make things easier for him.

I hope for your sake that he'll take it well and be supportive! You mentioned that he's in a relationship, so I just wanted to say too, that neither of you should feel pressured to resume your relationship only due to the pregnancy. If it happens because you both want it, great. But getting back together just because there's a child involved isn't a good plan. In any case, try not to stress over it. This is your baby, don't let negativity or potential negativity sour what should be a time of anticipation!

Best wishes and let us know how it goes!
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Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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