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Father to be. Mother does not care for the child she is carrying.


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 1 Post By Social Halfwit

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  #1  
September 2nd, 2013, 01:04 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1
Hey guys. I'm a 22years young father to be. Me and my ex girlfriend are expecting a baby girl. She is to be born in late December. The baby was conceived during our break up so naturally it happened due to careless sexual practices. Despite the circumstances we both decided to keep the child. Everything was actually great in the beginning but now my ex has taken a turn for tHe worse.

You see I started to notice that I was the only one who was actually being active in preparations for our child. She started to become angry whenever I tried to talk about our baby to be and would only focus on the fact that we were not a couple. Up until now this is all she has been focusing on. Well recently she has been saying and doing crude things about our unborn child. Like she should make a trip to planned parent hood, move in with her lesbian best friend to raise her since Im a no good man, she intentionally skips meals and her vitamins, claimed that if she gets a new boy friend he may rape the baby...this truly made my heart drop in disgust.. Those things are not even the worse she has mustered up. Everyday she says she is not attached to the child and if she can't have me she never will be. I find her behavior to be quite alarming. I hate that just because we can't work as a couple she is taking it out on my baby.

I have recently found out two of her sisters suffer from mental/emotional issues. I am assuming she may be mentally and emotionally damaged as well. I have already caught her slitting her wrists at least 2 times so I know she is not a stranger to self mutilation. There have been other red flags of mental distress but I was to in "love" to take notice.

So anyways...I'm just interested in the opinions of the women of this board. As a man what are my options if her behavior persists? I've kept records of all of this. It scares me. I just wish for my daughter to come into this world healthy and happy. I hate the idea that I may have to fight for full custody as a newborn baby needs that bond with their mother. I have my own place and have a nice paying job so raising her alone does not shy me away from my duties, the fact that the woman who carries my child may be dangerous does. In addition to that my parents are on board and have been active in preparations for my child and have promised to be there when ever needed.

Well I sincerely thank all those who will take the time to read my concerns and offer insight.
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  #2  
September 2nd, 2013, 06:44 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: North River, Newfoundland & Labrador
Posts: 308
Oh wow. To be honest I have never been in this situation but I have a close friend who was. His girlfriend has a few mental/emotional problems as well and even threatened the life of their baby if she didn't get her way. I'm not going to lie, when we talked about it he said it wasn't easy. Every day he would be worried about his child and of course the mother of the child. She too didn't want anything to do with the baby if her ex-boyfriend (my friend) didn't get back with her. She had this idea of the perfect family but my friend couldn't handle her, emotionally or mentally. He had it a little harder than you though since he was halfway through school with no job so he didn't have the money to get custody and to this day, she has the child. Now the child is happy and very healthy but the mother isn't and still uses the child to try and get her way with my friend. Trust me, it's not easy to separate yourself from that stressful situation when a child is involved. Right now he is working on getting a good job and getting custody.

The best thing I can say is fight for full custody but give her visitation. You're right, it's not a good idea to take a baby away from it's mother completely but you also can't jeopardize your child's well being to someone you can't trust to not harm themself. You have a good job and clearly love this baby so do what's right for the baby even if it means playing the bad guy (by taking baby away from the mother) to some others. That way you can be sure your baby is healthy and happy and not subjected to a mother that harms herself and clearly has a few problems she needs to figure out.

Now this is my only two cents. You can take it or leave it, completely up to you. And I admire the love you have for this child and I can respect any male who takes up the torch for their own and raise a baby even when the situation is less than picture perfect. I hope everything works out for you and that sweet baby girl of yours.
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  #3  
September 2nd, 2013, 09:35 AM
ducksaresnazzy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 2,362
after the "my new boyfriend would rape the baby" comment i'd go for full custody, no visitation. i hope you have that message saved somewhere. as a first time mom, i can see sometimes forgetting your vitamin or not eating the healthiest. but saying stuff like that is crossing every line.

i also have experience with self harm, so it's doubtful she'll hurt the baby, unless she's doing it for attention, not release. if she's harming for attention the baby is in danger. that's my opinion though. she sounds like an emotionally abusive person.

i commend you on wanting the mother in your daughter's life, but sometimes.. mothers are unfit. this is one of those times. don't let your pity for the mother stop you from doing what's right by your daughter. in time, maybe she'll get her act together and will be able to have some sort of (supervised) visitation.
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  #4  
September 4th, 2013, 12:15 PM
Social Halfwit's Avatar the shade of it all
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Denver
Posts: 964
I have had a few male friends who ended up fighting for custody of their children due to the safety concerns towards the mother. It is a hard, hard battle and it could take a long time, but when it comes to your child, of course you will do anything. My advice is to start talking - reach out to human services, child services, the police, a therapist, anyone who will stop long enough to listen who might have any tiny amount of power to help you. Start consulting with lawyers, many usually offer a free consultation. Get all of it on record, get lots of witnesses to the fact that you are seriously concerned for this child. It can be hard to be taken seriously as a father, many will assume you just don't want another man raising your child or that you're punishing the mother for the breakup. But just stay strong and keep at it.
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  #5  
September 7th, 2013, 11:36 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
Yes, get a social worker involved ASAP. You don't have to take any action against her now but you can at least get a paper trail going so that when the baby gets here you can snap her up fast or (even better) convince mom to get help.
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