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I wanted to introduce myself before I just started posting. I am Kyleighsmomma (Jenn). My daughter is almost 5. She was very much unplanned at the time. I met her Dad at a bar and hooked up and BAM 9 months later here comes my daughter. Her Dad is not in her life whatsoever and its better that way. He hasnt seen or talked to her since just before she turned one. I have raised her without him and I am such a stronger woman now because of it. I am here to offer you ladies all the support, and a digital shoulder to cry on..I have been there, gone through it, and came out of it with such an inner strength.
I enjoyed reading about your personal success in raising your child on your own. That is simply amazing. I was wondering if you might offer me some advice. The father of my child has not helped me or made any effort thus far during my pregnancy. He has mentioned once that he would like to be a part of the baby's life, but I know that he only said this because I would not agree to an abortion. He began to actively ignore me once I became pregnant, and regularly cheated on me during our three year relationship with the same girl. Needless to say, my ex and I have a very strained relationship. I am currently a semester away from earning my bachelor's degree in sociology and am still living with my parents. I have no job, but my parents are willing to help me during this time. My ex (baby daddy) is immature and irresponsible, he and his family have ignored me thus far in my pregnancy. I realize it is still early but each day I contemplate whether or not I should put his name on my child's birth certificate to ensure that I receive child support, or if I should leave his name off of the birth certificate so that he has no parental rights. He is an absolute clown (this is putting it nicely I assure you) and his family is choosing to ignore that this is happening. If I choose to keep my ex's name off of the birth certificate, I am worried that he will throw me under the bus in the future by telling my child that the reason they never had a relationship was because of my actions. I realize that at 16 weeks it is still very early to worry, but I am consumed with fear that he and his family will take it upon themselves to take my baby from me after he/she is born.
Thank you for your time,
I'm having my fiance's baby but things between us have been beyond strained and we are in this cycle of almost splitting up so I've given alot of thought to what I would do if I was to be alone and end up finishing this trip "solo."
I did some research and found out that even if you choose to leave the father off the birth certificate he can file (and pay) to have a paternity test and take you to court for rights. This is me was super intimidating because my would-be-future-in-laws are awful to the point that I could see them encouraging my fiance to fight for full custody (or shared) if we broke up and I left him off the birth certificate.
I worried that taking this route (leaving him off) would just make me look awful to a judge if he ever went through all of that. I guess I kind have concluded that I will put him on there either way and if he is not interested in the child then he won't make the effort to see them, and if he is interested then he would probably fight me if I didn't put him on the birth certificate.
I will say, I do not know if the same custody rules/laws apply everywhere, just sharing what I found. The best universal advice I have received was to document everything. Yes, it is early and I don't think him cheating will be relevant, but if he ever tells you he doesn't want to be involved or writes you something that is hateful to this situation or the baby, keep it, email it to yourself, get dates and make sure it is safe on a cloud drive or backup drive. Sure if you ever windup in court he can argue that he has changed, but at that point it seems anything you have can help. I would also keep a record (if you do this) of inviting him to appointments and him not coming (assuming he doesn't). I've been told this information can help protect you in the long run.
On an end note, I will be 16 weeks on Sunday so I feel your shoes. I am so sorry that he is being an *** and can't grow up. Hugs for you and I hope that everything turns around for you and I bet that with all this worry you are going to be a great mommy.
PS I noticed you've posted in the March DDC, come back. They are really supportive and it is a great place to vent about ex's. I vent about my relationship drama there and I feel like reading all their happies might make me a little sad, but it also helps me find excitement for the baby.