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4 weeks Pregnant- Please advise


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 2 Post By mamatomany
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  #1  
January 28th, 2014, 02:04 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7
Hello,

I just found out that I am about 4 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year, I'm 23 and he is 24. We have lived together for about 9 months, but live with a roommate and can't afford to move out just the two of us without parental support.

I am considering keeping the baby. I don't want to go through the trauma of an abortion and I worry very much for this baby and not giving it the chance to live.

Although we are poor we have wealthy enough parents and a strong emotional support team. He is really against leaning on them financially and I can't say its ideal for me either.

Although I have feelings towards keeping it, my boyfriend says he isn't ready to be a father and wants to have kids together when we are both financially stable. I agree to some extent, but this baby is growing inside of me and aborting sounds so terrible.

Thank you

Last edited by isbella2121; January 28th, 2014 at 02:21 PM.
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  #2  
January 28th, 2014, 02:23 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
First of all, do not let anyone, even your boyfriend, pressure you in any way to get an abortion. If you want to mother this little son or daughter then what you need is support and encouragement. If your boyfriend cannot provide that, turn to friends and family who can.

On the other side, many ladies in here will tell you that it can take a while for the baby's father to adjust emotionally to the new responsibility. Give him time and let him bring up the subject for now.

Few of us were financially stable when we first got pregnant unexpectedly. It's really not that big of a deal and so much can change in 9 months. On the flip side, if you are waiting for that 'magic' moment you may never feel that it's the right time. Or what seems like the right time can change into instability during the pregnancy. None of us knows the future. What we do know is that we love the baby growing inside us and are willing to take a chance and take on the challenge. It's worth it, and you're not going to regret it.

I would encourage you to join a due date club here on just mommies. It's a lot of fun and encouraging to connect with other moms due at the same time you are. Yu may even find other moms in the same situation that you're in. Take a step back, don't let your boyfriend's reluctance stress you out. Enjoy these first few weeks of baking your little one!
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  #3  
January 28th, 2014, 03:38 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7
Hi,

Thanks for these encouraging words! I really appreciate the support as I feel very overwhelmed.

I am nervous to join the group should I go through with the abortion after all, but it seems like a good idea.


Thanks
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  #4  
January 28th, 2014, 05:45 PM
Rainbow Momma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2013
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If you dont want to have an abortion, you dont have to. Don't let anyone pressure you into it. It really only takes one person to really parent. There are tons of resources out there to help you make it financially as well, like WIC. If you put your mind to it you can do it!

But if parenting really isnt an option, you can always chose adoption as well
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  #5  
January 28th, 2014, 05:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by isbella2121 View Post
Although we are poor we have wealthy enough parents...
As the mother of a 19 y/o, I have to say that statement rubs me the wrong way. You are pregnant, & expressing feelings of wanting your baby...and that's fine, I've been there (as a teen and a full-grown adult). However, I would encourage you to sit down & come up with a plan for keeping your baby, if that's what you want to do. But, make the plan realistic & not based on "your parents' wealth" and what YOU THINK may be their ability & willingness to spend their disposable income helping YOU take care of YOUR baby.

Again, as a mother of a child around your age, and in such a situation, I would be better willing to support my child (after some yelling, cussing & fussing...just because there shouldn't be so many "oopsies" in 2014) who had a well-thought out plan of how they will eventually become fully self-sufficient & take full responsibility for their child.

Just my $.02.

Good luck in your decision & future endeavors.
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  #6  
January 28th, 2014, 08:39 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3maybe View Post
As the mother of a 19 y/o, I have to say that statement rubs me the wrong way. You are pregnant, & expressing feelings of wanting your baby...and that's fine, I've been there (as a teen and a full-grown adult). However, I would encourage you to sit down & come up with a plan for keeping your baby, if that's what you want to do. But, make the plan realistic & not based on "your parents' wealth" and what YOU THINK may be their ability & willingness to spend their disposable income helping YOU take care of YOUR baby.

Again, as a mother of a child around your age, and in such a situation, I would be better willing to support my child (after some yelling, cussing & fussing...just because there shouldn't be so many "oopsies" in 2014) who had a well-thought out plan of how they will eventually become fully self-sufficient & take full responsibility for their child.

Just my $.02.

Good luck in your decision & future endeavors.
As a mother of a 21yr old and a 19yr old, and all the way down to 3.5mo old, I disagree. I believe the orignal poster is trying to say that her parents could possibly help out if she decided to keep the baby. If it came down to money,and I was able to help my kids, I would hate myself if they chose abortion strictly for the sake of money. My job as a mother go's on for the rest of my life to be there for my kids when they need it most.......this would be one of those situations. At the age of 23, they don't need a lecture or to be treated like they are 16. They need support, mentally and financially if possible. While it is most ideal to have a plan set in place, the original poster may not be able to see past the stress of the moment. If her mother has the ability to help financially while she puts her plan in action, this is called "support".

To the origianl poster, Im sorry you find yourself in such difficult situation. Mothers across the world, through all of time, have been where you are at right now. We have the ability to make things work when we really want them too. Im sure in time, your plan, will fall into place and you will be able to provide a wonderful life for your baby. This is alot to absorb at the moment, especially for your bf. Give him some time/space. As mothers, our intuition starts the moment we find out were pregnant, your already 10 steps ahead of him. Take a deep breath, and don't feel bad for coming to mom/dad for help. If they have the ability and want to help, I encourage you to seek that! I would support my childs decision either way, thats what mothers do.
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  #7  
January 29th, 2014, 12:06 AM
anjewellove's Avatar Super Mommy
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I was in your shoes 7 years ago. A little younger (we were 19 & 21) living with a room mate as well. We could barely afford our bills and I had a high risk pregnancy so had to go on bedrest in the early weeks so couldn't work.
We were most definitely keeping baby even though we had wanted to wait for babies until we were stable. We were so very stressed the whole pregnancy, especially my boyfriend. But in the beginning, I was probably around 8 weeks, I went to the laundromat. I was doing my laundry and a couple with 2 kids came in. You could tell they were poor. But they were so happy! It made me realize we could do it!

We didn't have wealthy parents but mine helped us by letting us move into their rental house. We had to pay rent but the rental was in reconstruction so they only charged $300.

When our son turned 1 we bought our 1st vehicle and when he turned 2 we bought our first home!!!! We are so very blessed!

Moral of the story, It may be hard times now but that can quickly change!
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  #8  
January 31st, 2014, 07:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof8lopez View Post
As a mother of a 21yr old and a 19yr old, and all the way down to 3.5mo old, I disagree. I believe the orignal poster is trying to say that her parents could possibly help out if she decided to keep the baby. If it came down to money,and I was able to help my kids, I would hate myself if they chose abortion strictly for the sake of money. My job as a mother go's on for the rest of my life to be there for my kids when they need it most.......this would be one of those situations. At the age of 23, they don't need a lecture or to be treated like they are 16. They need support, mentally and financially if possible. While it is most ideal to have a plan set in place, the original poster may not be able to see past the stress of the moment. If her mother has the ability to help financially while she puts her plan in action, this is called "support".

To the origianl poster, Im sorry you find yourself in such difficult situation. Mothers across the world, through all of time, have been where you are at right now. We have the ability to make things work when we really want them too. Im sure in time, your plan, will fall into place and you will be able to provide a wonderful life for your baby. This is alot to absorb at the moment, especially for your bf. Give him some time/space. As mothers, our intuition starts the moment we find out were pregnant, your already 10 steps ahead of him. Take a deep breath, and don't feel bad for coming to mom/dad for help. If they have the ability and want to help, I encourage you to seek that! I would support my childs decision either way, thats what mothers do.
Your opinion, just as I stated mine!

Additionally, I don't think I EVER said she would/shouldn't be supported or inferred she have an abortion, although it is an option that I'd be ok with for my child. She clearly stated she wanted her baby, to which I stated that's fine. My biggest issue with it are the millions of teens/young adults getting pregnant and thinking their parents are obligated to be happy about it and/or take on the financial aspect. I'm sorry (not really) if that's not the warm & fuzzy answer some people may be looking to hear, but its one I've heard expressed by many of my counterparts in the circles in which I travel/live and some of them already have grandkids, but have the same or a similar sentiment. So, maybe not your cup of tea, but a different perspective.

If this particular board is only comprised of people with one way of thinking & expressions, let me know & I will find a different board!
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Last edited by 3maybe; January 31st, 2014 at 07:20 AM. Reason: Misspelling
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  #9  
January 31st, 2014, 07:39 AM
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I am pretty sure she came here for support and constructive advise, not to be parented by someone who doesn't know her.
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  #10  
January 31st, 2014, 12:56 PM
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Annnnd advising that she come up w/a plan for keeping her baby isn't reasonable? Ooooookay.
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  #11  
January 31st, 2014, 08:31 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3maybe View Post
Annnnd advising that she come up w/a plan for keeping her baby isn't reasonable? Ooooookay.

Helping her to make a plan is one thing. To give advice on how to come up with a plan, thats supporative too. But clearly, you are more interested in talking to her as a young teenager or possibly one of your own kids. Unplanned pregnancy, is just that, UNPLANNED. The OP is coming here to vent, get encouragement and some supporative adice (wether that be keeping the baby, adoption or abortion). Your basically telling her that she should feel bad or even less of a person for asking for her parents help.......not everyones cup of tea, but most parents of a 23yr old would want to help her keep the baby, IMO.
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  #12  
January 31st, 2014, 11:31 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
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^ I have to agree.
I have a teen... if he had an unplanned pregnancy I would hope *my* finances came into play him and his gf were contemplating abortion. I would do what I had to do and I think she knows her parents and the type of people they are.
Seriously not trying to debate and I see there are both sides... But I know 100% that I personally would want the opportunity to know my grandchild.
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  #13  
February 2nd, 2014, 03:27 PM
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I'm on the other end ofmthenspectrum. It is my third baby who was unplanned. I'm older, 37 and must say that even though my first two were planned, there is never a "good time" to have a baby. Some advice I got from a coworker when I was in my mid twenties was have a baby now. Yes you are young and broke, but you won't be able to go out and do much with a baby or a toddler. By the time they are old enough to do a lot with, you will be better off financially. That really ended up being true. Of course, as soon as mine were old enough I have my unplanned pregnancy.
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  #14  
February 11th, 2014, 09:45 AM
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There is never the perfect time to have a baby, but it tends to work out in the end. I remember when we got married the pre marital counselors told us that. You will always be waiting for the perfect time and that may never come. On the other hand, if you go on and have your child, things will piece together and all will work out. As far as getting parent's financial help, I know that our parents have helped us through the years for various things. I know that I can always go to them for support and guidance, even though I am a grown woman. I will do the same for our children as they get older. Kids make mistakes and parents can be there for them to help them get over the hurdles. If my son ever came to me regarding an unplanned pregnancy, I would move heaven and earth to help rather than encouraging abortion.
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  #15  
February 14th, 2014, 05:36 PM
bandriessen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I completely understand what you're saying 3maybe.
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