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Hurting! Advice Please


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 1 Post By cooper1414
  • 1 Post By GiaBee
  • 2 Post By WhynotaddtomyZoo

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  #1  
February 19th, 2014, 03:02 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Washington,DC
Posts: 7
Hello all, I am 23, recently unemployed, and 15 weeks pregnant. Let me first start by saying I love my unborn baby to death and abortion is no longer being considered. So I'm pregnant by a "friend", we were in a sexual relationship for a year and we never used protection. The entire time he would pull out until a few months ago and almost immediately I became pregnant.He's 26 and has a 5 y/o daughter that he takes great care of and he's repeatedly said he didn't want anymore kids right now. He would always suggest (rather than ask) that if I became pregnant I should have an abortion, and every time I would agree bc I really believed that I would. There was this one time in particular he did ask if I would an abortion if he got me pregnant and I honestly said to him that I've never been pregnant before and I can't know how I'll feel if I did.. and even with that said he still never bothered to use a condom. (BTW I totally understand I'm not blameless here.) So the same week I told him I was pregnant he was trying to take me to have an abortion, I simply told him that I needed some time to think -about being pregnant for the first time, having to go murder it, etc.- in that time (a dew days went by) he changed his number, and blocked me from trying to get in touch with him on a social site, and based off that, I knew he was avoiding and ignoring me. I'm hurt bc even though we weren't together, he still got me pregnant and he wasn't even man enough to wait until I made a decision and I as much as I hate to admit it, I have feelings for him that I need to, but can't seem to get over. I haven't heard from him since I was 5 weeks pregnant. We have mutual friends & I've learned that he's now in a relationship with a girl that used to be my friend. THAT HURTS LIKE HELL. It's just so unfair that he can be out doing whatever he wants and be with her, while I'm here in this situation every single pregnant and worried about EVERYTHING. I cry all the time bc I'm in love with my baby,everything about him/her and I hate that this entire makes me feel like I shouldn't have my baby. I'm scared to death that I won't be able to provide what it needs financially & that I can't raise him/her by myself. I have so much support from my family but at the end of the day my baby needs a father. As of right now I don't know what to do. There's no handbook on how to persuade a little boy to man up and take care of his child and I'm scared of doing the wrong thing and totally pushing him away. I know where he lives (he splits an apt. with his father, who I also know) and where works. I went past his place to talk, no one was home so I left a note under his door telling him to call me ASAP & it's important, didn't hear from him. Stopped past again, no answer and now I'm freaking out bc I don't think they would, but I wonder if they moved all to avoid me. Should I go past there again? Should go up to his job & tell him I'm still pregnant & that we have to talk!? Should I tell his father? (bc I doubt his father knows anything about this situation) Should I leave him a letter with a sono pic in it? I don't know, advice please!!
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  #2  
February 19th, 2014, 04:09 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 729
I am thrilled to hear that you are keeping the baby and didn't let him persuade you to do what you feel is wrong. There is no way to make him man up, he'll have to decide to do that, or not, on his own. You do have the love and support of your family, which will be a tremendous help! Please keep that in mind as you go through the rest of your pregnancy. I think as far as he is concerned, to let it soak in a bit more for him, then try to contact him again to let him know that you are keeping your child. If he chooses to man up and be a part of the baby's life, great! If not, you totally have this on your own. While a father figure is good, it's not a necessity for your baby to feel love and support. You can definitely do this!
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  #3  
February 19th, 2014, 04:31 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
I'm sorry he's being such a super jerk. At this point I would just let go of the relationship completely. While you can force him to give you child support (which I'm sure he's trying to avoid) you cannot force him to be a father for your baby. But you know what? That's okay. He is very clearly only using women for sex and that's really not the kind of man you want around your baby.

Be encouraged though! Just because he is irresponsible and a jerk doesn't mean your baby will not have a father figure. For now, let his or her grandpa (your dad) or your brothers provide that role -- they're being great and supportive. And in the future you very likely will meet a truly great guy ready to seriously commit to you and your baby. I've seen it happen again and again. Single moms are awesome, mature, super together -- things that are very attractive to solid guys. You want and need someone serious and quality, not a sperm donor interested only in a physical relationship.

Congratulations on your sweet baby. Keep us posted and keep your chin up. Let this heartbreak be taken over by the love you feel for your child and write this guy off, he's not worth your time or feelings. Big hugs!
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  #4  
February 19th, 2014, 04:52 PM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,468
Congrats on your baby! Your choice - not his. He may come around when you have a chance to talk. Just take care of/focus on yourself right now. Good luck!
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  #5  
February 19th, 2014, 05:06 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Washington,DC
Posts: 7
@cooper1414 Thanks for your reply. I feel like once I can get my emotions together and get some plans together I'll be in a better place!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cooper1414 View Post
I am thrilled to hear that you are keeping the baby and didn't let him persuade you to do what you feel is wrong. There is no way to make him man up, he'll have to decide to do that, or not, on his own. You do have the love and support of your family, which will be a tremendous help! Please keep that in mind as you go through the rest of your pregnancy. I think as far as he is concerned, to let it soak in a bit more for him, then try to contact him again to let him know that you are keeping your child. If he chooses to man up and be a part of the baby's life, great! If not, you totally have this on your own. While a father figure is good, it's not a necessity for your baby to feel love and support. You can definitely do this!
@cooper1414 Thanks for your reply. I feel like once I can get my emotions together and get some plans together I'll be in a better place!
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  #6  
February 19th, 2014, 05:12 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Washington,DC
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatomany View Post
I'm sorry he's being such a super jerk. At this point I would just let go of the relationship completely. While you can force him to give you child support (which I'm sure he's trying to avoid) you cannot force him to be a father for your baby. But you know what? That's okay. He is very clearly only using women for sex and that's really not the kind of man you want around your baby.

Be encouraged though! Just because he is irresponsible and a jerk doesn't mean your baby will not have a father figure. For now, let his or her grandpa (your dad) or your brothers provide that role -- they're being great and supportive. And in the future you very likely will meet a truly great guy ready to seriously commit to you and your baby. I've seen it happen again and again. Single moms are awesome, mature, super together -- things that are very attractive to solid guys. You want and need someone serious and quality, not a sperm donor interested only in a physical relationship.

Congratulations on your sweet baby. Keep us posted and keep your chin up. Let this heartbreak be taken over by the love you feel for your child and write this guy off, he's not worth your time or feelings. Big hugs!
Thank you I cant express enough how encouraging it is to hear these responses! Hugs back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lemieuxcrew View Post
Congrats on your baby! Your choice - not his. He may come around when you have a chance to talk. Just take care of/focus on yourself right now. Good luck!
Thank you!

Last edited by GiaBee; February 19th, 2014 at 05:14 PM.
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  #7  
February 19th, 2014, 05:19 PM
WhynotaddtomyZoo's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 131
Congrats! Ugh boys. Obviously he knows how babies are made if he has a 5 year old daughter, so he knows the probability of having a baby if having unprotected sex. It takes two to tango it's 50/50.

Yes he stated numerous times he did not want another child yet he still was fine with having intercourse without "gloving up"!
You don't need him in your life but it does suck he's going around (having more babies most likely) doing his thing while you have the stresses of raising a child.
So I'd file for child support as soon as baby is born.

This happened to one of my friends. They were in a relationship, she knew he had kids and didn't want anymore. When she found out she was pregnant he left her that day.....she found out a couple days later he was married! She has since met the love of her life and he is such an awesome daddy to her little boy!

Good luck, you can do this!!!
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Last edited by WhynotaddtomyZoo; February 19th, 2014 at 05:25 PM.
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  #8  
February 20th, 2014, 05:54 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Washington,DC
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by anjewellove View Post
Congrats! Ugh boys. Obviously he knows how babies are made if he has a 5 year old daughter, so he knows the probability of having a baby if having unprotected sex. It takes two to tango it's 50/50.

Yes he stated numerous times he did not want another child yet he still was fine with having intercourse without "gloving up"!
You don't need him in your life but it does suck he's going around (having more babies most likely) doing his thing while you have the stresses of raising a child.
So I'd file for child support as soon as baby is born.

This happened to one of my friends. They were in a relationship, she knew he had kids and didn't want anymore. When she found out she was pregnant he left her that day.....she found out a couple days later he was married! She has since met the love of her life and he is such an awesome daddy to her little boy!

Good luck, you can do this!!!
Thank you for the encouragement! Yes, he will most definitely be put on child support!
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