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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 13th, 2014, 09:41 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
Hello, I have read some of the posts on here and thought this might be a good place to come. I am currently around 9 weeks pregnant. The day after I found out, I was laid off my job. My partner and I live in different states. I have gone back and forth on the abortion idea, but I have decided to keep it- much to my partner's dismay. We've been together 6 years, he has a good job. I have a Master's degree and work experience, I just didn't feel like we had much of an "excuse" for an abortion- even though I am very pro-choice and I am not here to argue about that.

My main concerns are that I am still very disconnected from this- I don't feel happy or excited. I am going to have to leave a city that I LOVE to live in to a town that I despise. I am in general stressed and slightly depressed- the job loss, the impending move, and my dog has cancer and only has a few months left, to top it all off. This has been a horrible month. I have been met by a lot of people not meeting me where I am at. Saying that I should be excited because it is a life, that I need to get excited because it is happening, that I am being selfish, the if I am not happy I need to abort, etc. Does the excitement come? Am I really the only pregnant woman out there less than happy about the timing? I doubt it, but I feel that way.

Another concern is the reaction from my partner. He really wants me to get an abortion. He isn't mean or pushy about it- but he is not happy about keeping it. He feels his life is over, we shouldn't bring more people in to the world, etc. I am concerned he won't come around, either, and will be resentful of me. He wants to do it together and said he will be there.

Will we both come around, eventually? Is there anyone else that decided against abortion and it worked out? I just need to feel like I am not the only one and that there is hope that this is going to work. Sorry for the long post! Thank you.
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  #2  
March 13th, 2014, 03:53 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
I know other mamas will respond who've gone through this, but I wanted to encourage you that the excitement will come, and that it's totally not unusual to not be excited right now. As you've realized, there are a lot of immediate negatives that you can see and that effect you. But the positives aren't nearly as obvious and easy to see because they're not even imaginable. The life changing love and incredible joy you will feel when they put this tiny baby in your arms are mind blowing and fabulous, but it's not something you can envision right now in order to work up emotion when all you're feeling is shock and uncertainty. Don't worry! This is your son or daughter and you will have no trouble at all falling head over heels in love with him or her and the things that seem problematic or awful right now will fade in importance (except, of course, your puppy ).For now, don't stress about your emotions. Surround yourself with supportive people. Go buy something crazy cute to put away for baby. Join a due date board here on just mommies so you can get to know some ladies feeling the same things you are. As for your boyfriend, thinking how unreal this still is to you, it's even more unreal to him without the baby growing inside of him. He will come around. My husband always felt much more connected to our baby at the twenty week ultrasound when we could find out the gender and see the baby on the screen. Best wishes and keep us posted!
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  #3  
March 13th, 2014, 06:09 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 326
Sorry you are going through such a rough time. We found out in sept. that we were pregnant with baby 3 out of the blue. We had just moved to a new City which I don't really like and my husband is never home due to work. We have two kids ages9 and 5 and he really didn't want more. That said, I cried for about two months, and then I think I was in denial another two. I became excited around 19 weeks when I found out I was having a girl for the first time. Hang in there. I think things will get better. My husband was not excited with my first pregnancy, but his heart melted when our oldest was born.
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  #4  
March 13th, 2014, 07:39 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
Thank you for the replies. I am just glad to know that it is normal- and knowing that even people with kids already can feel this way, too! I am trying to keep my mind open that one day we will be able to move out of that town, that it isn't forever. And I really wanted to go to Europe this summer- I guess that isn't going anywhere, but I am still so bummed about my Spain trip being cancelled. Thank you two again!
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  #5  
March 13th, 2014, 07:50 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Billie-- I don't know when you're due, but I led a tour group to Italy from the west coast of the US when I was about 20 weeks pregnant with my third baby. Obviously if you don't like the idea of travelling pregnant then call it off, but there's really no reason you can't have a crazy fun time in Spain this summer.
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  #6  
March 14th, 2014, 08:33 AM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,078
Well, first, congratulations! I know you don't feel that it is a congratulations time right now, but eventually, even if that is at birth - you will be so in love in a way you never even knew was possible! I doubt you look back. You sound like you have a good handle on what you want to do and why. And honestly, SO SO SO many pregnancies are unplanned. I was! Lol and the one Im pregnant with now was DEFINAETLY not planned. I cried, not happy tears, when I found out. Im settling into the idea now, but I have the benefit of having two other children so I know how awesome it is. Maybe join the OCt DDC club? They are great. Joining the Sept one made it "real" for me and helped get me excited AND helped me understand that all emotions are "normal." Finally - it is easier to travel pregnant than with a baby! lol. Europe can be costly so maybe you are thinking about finances? But - I say, if you are before 7 months, travel a little!!! You may have to take it a little easier but the food will be good and the sights will make you happy. Good luck!!!! You. Can. Do. It.
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Terra - proud mama, lucky wife, and a happy treehugger!
DS - Chase (June 2005), DD - RoseLynn (June 2012), DH - Frederic (married October 2010)
Ophelia due September 2014!


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  #7  
March 17th, 2014, 08:41 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
So an update to my situation- my car was stolen today. I can't deal with everything anymore. My dog is dying, I got laid off my job and now my car is gone. My partner was fine then when he found that out, he just lost it and blamed me for all of his problems, and yelled at me for being such a huge burden he'd have to be responsible for. I feel like moving in with my sister and telling him I got an abortion, getting off of facebook and just not even letting him know that I kept the baby. I know that sounds insane, but if he really doesn't want this that bad, and I don't want an abortion, what are my choices? He feels obligated to take care of me, and all the finances, he doesn't WANT to. I just don't know what else to do besides have the kid on my own and let him think it doesn't exist.
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  #8  
March 18th, 2014, 05:17 AM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,078
If he doesn't WANT to he should have put on a condom. You only hurt your child by not having him financially responsible. When the baby is born, seek child support. Nothing more, nothing less. But don't sell yourself or your child short by not providing for the baby bc of how your BF feels about you. I am so so so so sorry you are having a rough time. There will be a point that you look back on this. What is the saying? "It will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end." Hang in there.....be strong...and take care of yourself. (hug)
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Terra - proud mama, lucky wife, and a happy treehugger!
DS - Chase (June 2005), DD - RoseLynn (June 2012), DH - Frederic (married October 2010)
Ophelia due September 2014!


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  #9  
March 18th, 2014, 08:22 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Why don't you go spend a few weeks with your sister? You can give him some space to decide how he wants to be involved and where your relationship is going. No matter what he chooses he can be required legally to pay his part, but you can't and don't want to try to force him to be a daddy. That's fine, you don't need him to be an awesome mom, and you may find a great guy later who will fill that daddy role. But I think giving him some time to think and make a good choice would be helpful.
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  #10  
March 23rd, 2014, 08:10 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 138
I just had my unplanned baby on 3/15. Every day I hated being pregnant. I was never excited for the baby to come. Now, I've had him for a week and I can not imagine my life without him (at one point early pregnancy I was actually in an abortion clinic). I love him beyond words and can not put him down. I spent much of my time during pregnancy worried if I would ever bond with the baby. Even if you never spend a day being excited... give it time and don't worry, I am a firm believer that it will come.As to the ****** bf... I've dealt with relationship drama since the day we found out and I still get blamed for the baby being here but I got to this point where I really could care two ****s less what he thinks and focus on our son. He can choose to be here or not and I am okay with whatever he decides.Take a moment away if you can and take that time to breath. Trust your instincts!!
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  #11  
March 26th, 2014, 07:55 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
Thanks again for the support. Things are working out, with their ups and downs. It does help me to know there are people that feel the same way I do. It has been odd to be around people that are really excited for me (my parents and their friends) and fake the smiles and taking the congratulations. I just don't feel that way yet, and I need to give myself time. Thank you all!
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