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Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 6 Post By mamatomany
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  #1  
April 14th, 2014, 11:05 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 3
Hi,

I really don't know what to do. A couple days ago I found out I was pregnant. This is my first pregnancy... My boyfriend and I wanted a kid down the line (in about year), but it seems to have happened sooner.

I stopped taking the pill to start "detoxing" for when we were ready, and we must of had an accident and gotten pregnant.

I am 34 and have a pretty good job, however, my boyfriend is back in school and still has 2 years to go (he's 36). We live in a 3 1/2, and don't have the money to move at the moment. He thinks that if we keep the kid, he might not be able to finish school... and he might be resentful towards me if that happens.

I really don't want him to stop school, it is really important that he gets a degree, and I don't want to be the cause of his failure. But I also think that we could get through this... Then again, I wonder if I am just thinking with my heart and not my head.

I am so confused. I tear up everytime I think about this. .. I would love some advice. My family is not very open and I don't really want to talk to my friends about this.

Thanks
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  #2  
April 14th, 2014, 03:31 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Take a deep breath and a step back. You are in a stable relationship, and you've already been talking about having kids. You are 34, and yet you got pregnant right away without even trying. Honestly, that is an incredibly blessing! Fertility after your 20s is much more sketchy and on top of that you have a loving boyfriend and you already wanted kids together. It's time to let go of the worry and just let yourself get excited about your little baby. There is no reason your boyfriend can't finish school. In fact, now that he has a dependent his financial aid may even be better. You don't need a crazy big space for a baby-- we slept some of ours in play pens in closets-- they don't need some big nursery from Pinterest. By the time the baby is even old enough to remember anything you boyfriend will be done with school. You guys are totally up for this!

There is no reason for your boyfriend to resent this little son or daughter and I don't think he will. It's a big change and it takes a while to sink in.


In
The meantime, enjoy these first few weeks with your secret. Join a due date forum here on just mommies and you can have a fun outlet to talk about it with ladies due the same month you are. Best wishes and keep us posted!
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  #3  
April 15th, 2014, 12:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,267
totally agree with what she said ^^^^^^.
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speak with kindness....

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  #4  
April 15th, 2014, 06:12 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 3
Thank you for your replies. Ironically, he will be getting less financial aid since the government will now consider my salary because we have a kid together. It's a bit strange, but that's the way it is (I live in Quebec, Canada).

We haven't decided on what to do... I agree with what you said. I think we could manage. But I am scared of having to pay 100 $ a week for daycare. It would be very difficult to afford. I am just scared of making the mistake of keeping the baby out of love and not truly thinking about it properly.

I have been having all sorts of nightmares... I have been dreaming about the baby, and I somehow have the feeling that he or she is trying to communicate to me through dream. It is a bit crazy, I know.. but I guess I am getting paranoid. I wouldn't want to get an abortion and regret it.

Anyway, lots to think about. Thanks again for your messages.
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  #5  
April 16th, 2014, 01:51 PM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,406
I agree too. Babies don't come when we are "ready" all the time and you sound about as "ready" as they get or as anyone that posts on these boards! I did a masters degree with a baby. And Im in the US where daycare is more than rent and college tuition requires massive student loans. You. Can. Do. It. And so can your boyfriend - you just may get less sleep doing it. I studied a lot at night! Also, for me - keeping a baby out of love is the perfect reason. It starts there and then you figure the rest out. Good luck!!!! And congratulations!? I hope everything works out the best for you.


PS - I have a house in Quebec city with my Quebecer husband. Canada has amazing maternity leave policy. I'm infinitely jealous.
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  #6  
April 23rd, 2014, 06:32 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 3
Update: we decided to keep the little jellybean (which I believe is the baby's size at the moment).

I am nervous and happy I now have to make an appointment with my family doctor and take things from there. I think I am 6 or 7 weeks pregnant, not really sure!

Thanks for your support!
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  #7  
April 23rd, 2014, 07:23 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Woohoo! You're going to look bacon this as the best and happiest choice ever
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  #8  
April 23rd, 2014, 01:25 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatomany View Post
Woohoo! You're going to look bacon this as the best and happiest choice ever
Bacon is ALWAYS the best choice

But in all seriousness, congratulations, OP! You won't regret it
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  #9  
April 23rd, 2014, 03:42 PM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,406
OK. I am almost 20 weeks pregnant and all I can think is "mmmmm bacon and jelly beans." AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! No seriously, congrats on your pregnancy and decision! Join one of the DDC groups - they are so helpful. And stop by September 2014 to let me know how you are.
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Terra - proud mama, lucky wife, and a happy treehugger!
DS - Chase (June 2005), DD - RoseLynn (June 2012), DH - Frederic (married October 2010) Ophelia due September 2014, born 36.5 weeks on 8/17 at 5 lbs 10 oz


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  #10  
April 25th, 2014, 10:07 AM
WaitinginNJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,103
congratulations and best of luck. Totally agree with everyone here, join a DDC and enjoy!
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  #11  
July 4th, 2014, 08:35 PM
ducksaresnazzy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 2,372
okay. i haven't had time to read the other ladies' replies, so i have no idea and forgive me if this has been brought up.. but the comment about your boyfriend resenting you and baby for him not being able to finish school bothered me, and i came back here because i have something to say.

your boyfriend is a grown. adult. he makes his own choices and decisions. it will be hard (i'm going to school, working, and i'm my daughter's primary care person since her father and i can't afford daycare and he also works). is it easy? no. but we each give a little of our "me" time so i can get my schoolwork done, and he can work and do other "daddy duty" things. it's not ideal. but it gets the job done.


it is not yours or the baby's fault if he fails his classes. it's on HIM. tell him to baby wear the kid and do his assignments while bouncing on his knees and humming nursery rhymes if he has to.
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