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Scared, Confused, Don't Know What To Do :(


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  • 2 Post By momof8lopez

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  #1  
June 11th, 2014, 11:00 AM
-3-Hearts's Avatar She's Country.....
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,084
My dh and I have 3 kids (8,5, and 2). I just found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and I was floored. After it taking such a long time to get pregnant with the youngest 2 (almost 2 years with each), I thought there was no way it would be possible to get pregnant within the 2mths I was off bcp waiting for dh to get a vasectomy We weren't having sex all the time or even frequently, just a couple of times, but I guess it was the right time.

I am at a point in my life where I am trying to raise the ones I already have, I'm in school full time and will graduate in a year and hopefully go back to work. Dh is preparing to get his masters licensing, and we are saving to buy a home in a few years. I do NOT want anymore kids. Ever. I bled lot when I delivered my third and almost had to be given blood. My recovery was horrible. After struggling with some infertility in the past, I feel guilty for not wanting this baby. I have been so sick all the time and that does not help at all. I feel selfish for wanting my life back. I have tried to be happy about it, but I just can't. I just flat out do not want it. What am I supposed to do?? I have always been pro choice, but never thought that I would be faced with that choice. If I decide to keep this baby, we will most certainly have to go on govt. assistance. We are finally in a position where we don't need any help at all, and now this.

I have to make a decision soon, I'm already 8 weeks. Adoption is not an option for us because I am not going to carry this baby and give it away. I feel and sound like a horrible person for saying all of this, but I can't help the way I feel :'(
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  #2  
June 11th, 2014, 12:48 PM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,441
You have to do what is best for you and your family. Only you can decide that. It is personal, and private, and very hard. Which is why I am pro-choice too. I am so sorry you feel so bad right now. I thought I was done too. When I saw my bfp I cried - they were not tears of happiness.

Of course, mine is not the same exactly, but as you can see from my ticker, you know what I ultimately decided. And I am even almost getting used to the idea! (And, btw, I am STILL sick. Grrrr.....) Maybe your little bean has something really important to do in this world and knew it was now or never....that was how I thought of it.


Joining the DDC helped a lot. Once I started talking about it to other people I knew I was "in" and it helped make it real. No matter what, stay strong and be kind to yourself right now.


(((hugs)))
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Terra - proud mama, lucky wife, and a happy treehugger!
DS - Chase (June 2005), DD - RoseLynn (June 2012), DH - Frederic (married October 2010) Ophelia due September 2014, born 36.5 weeks on 8/17 at 5 lbs 10 oz


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  #3  
June 11th, 2014, 09:06 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,349
Your not the only woman faced with this in a good marriage. I was where you are last year. I was 42, just had my 7th baby, he was 3mo old when I got pregnant again.....after having sex 1 time before my scheduled tubal. I cried. I was angry. I withdrew from everyone and everything. Went through the hardest financial year ever, even with medicaid and WIC. I'm pro choice too, but after struggling so very hard with my 5th (mine and dh's first baby together) and loosing 3 pregnancy's, I just couldn't slap God in the face and abort. I hated that I let myself get in the position to even contimplate it. I was a grown woman for god's sake.

I pushed through the pregnancy, never really connecting until the end, hating my body, wanting to further my career but couldn't pregnant. During the horrific birth I lost almost all my blood (had 3 blood transfusions) and my little boy lost his HB seconds before emergency c-section (first one out of 8 kids). I never realized until that moment how much I had loved him, how my world would end if they have not of saved him. Hes the love of my life.


Life throws us alot, and I mean alot. Push through this, and you will come out on top. I got the job I wanted months after having him and we are doing so much better. You are not alone in your feelings. Express them, vent, it will take the pressure of you for sure. Lots of love and hugs being sent to you!!
sandel07 and libra71 like this.
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Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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  #4  
June 12th, 2014, 08:19 AM
-3-Hearts's Avatar She's Country.....
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,084
Well, it looks like it may be over anyway. My symptoms actually started going away a couple weeks ago and are now completely gone, and I've started bleeding today :/ I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
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  #5  
June 12th, 2014, 07:04 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,349
Sorry to hear that. I m/c a couple of months ago too and felt like you did too. Still makes us sad. I think you would of kept him/her, just my gut feeling, and it does make it harder when you m/c because we feel guilty like we wished them away.......so not the case. Hopefully you make it to the big V with no more surprises and can put this part of your life behind you and enjoy your family. Lots of hugs to you.
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Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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  #6  
June 13th, 2014, 04:32 AM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,441
(((hugs))) everything happens for a reason - I am glad that you will be able to eventually put this behind you...... the 3 you have are just beautiful.
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Terra - proud mama, lucky wife, and a happy treehugger!
DS - Chase (June 2005), DD - RoseLynn (June 2012), DH - Frederic (married October 2010) Ophelia due September 2014, born 36.5 weeks on 8/17 at 5 lbs 10 oz


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  #7  
June 18th, 2014, 12:45 PM
riversongbella's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 301
What are financial options? I have no idea what to do … and looking at all options worse case I have to raise this baby on my on on govt assistance as there's no way around that in the near future (raising it on my own).

It's looking at overall what is best. I've never had to think about this ever, I have always viewed as individuals should have the right to decide. If financial it's not best to bring another child into your family (at this time) … this is where I am … I have no idea what my future holds, people who are married I think it's a bit easier verses singles … perhaps not by much
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  #8  
July 12th, 2014, 12:28 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 8
Hi Riversongbella - if you are not in a financial position to raise a baby...as it sounds in your reply...check out open adoption. It doesn't cost anything and you would be giving your child life and you would be able to be a part of their life...without the financial responsibilities of raising the child. Plus, you would get to choose the family. Being a single parent is not an easy choice, but it's something to think about.
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  #9  
July 13th, 2014, 06:02 PM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Pipestone, Minnesota
Posts: 6,500
I am so sorry for your loss. Don't beat yourself up lots of us have been in similar shoes.
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