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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
April 26th, 2005, 02:55 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 2
I'm 17 and I just found out I'm five weeks pregnant. At first I was excited but now I'm just really scared. I have depression and anxiety (which I take zoloft for), as well as substance abuse problems. The past month (before I found out), I drank heavily, smoked cigarettes & weed, and did coke. The problem is my boyfriend wants me to have it and so does my best friend. They both told me they'd be through with me if I ever got an abortion. I realize its my future I have to look out for, but at the present they're what keep me going day by day. This whole year has been the absolute worst of my life, and now this happens. I don't know how much more I can take. I cannot possibly take care of a child, if it even lives considering the crap I've put into my body. I'm really sorry, for all of you pregnancy is an exciting/happy thing but it's not for me. I'm so lost. I feel I'll be hurting myself and the baby if I have it, but I also fear I'll be all alone if I have an abortion. Any mature advice would be greatly appreciated.
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  #2  
April 26th, 2005, 03:22 PM
DavidandJaidonsmomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3,629
email me brittanyreeves@sbcglobal.net
I got pregnant with my son, David at 17 (I am 20 now) and I really want to help you, but this is a personal matter and I dont want a heated debate to start.
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  #3  
April 26th, 2005, 03:22 PM
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Hi, I'm Brie. I just read your message and wanted to respond. I'm sorry you got pregnant unexpectantly. I'm glad you have support from 2 people. Is there anyway you can confide in your mom or dad right now? I know when I was 17 (34 now) there's no way I would confide in my parents. Now I know better, but back then that's how I felt. I wanted to mention that there is always the option of adoption. There are so many couples that can't have children that would make wonderful parents. And even though I would qualify myself as pro-choice I wish women wouldn't have them. For the baby's sake as well as the mother - I think it's a decision a lot of women really regret later.

Ok, now for the part about substance abuse - Honey, stop now, get help immediately if you can't. Lots of women drink, smoke pot & snort coke & accidently get pregnant. If you can stop now, things will most likely be ok. But talk to a doctor - just be totally honest so they can help you the best they can.

I wish the best for you. I hope everything works out - and I hope you'll take some of my advice Feel free to e-mail or pm me.

peace, Brie
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  #4  
April 26th, 2005, 03:36 PM
DavidandJaidonsmomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Houston, TX
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If you can't email me I want you to at least hear my story. I got pregnant with my son at 17. My first thought was to have an abortion. My son's bio father said he would kill me if I killed his child. As soon as it was past the time that I could have the abortion, David's bio father disappeared. I was pissed. I felt betrayed. Needless to say I had my son...he is now 2. Although it is hard at times, I often wonder how I could have ever thought of an abortion. I admit you mujst be ready in many ways to have a child, but like Brie said there are a lot of ppl who would love to adopt a child. You can pick the parents and some will even do an open adoption where you remain a part of the child's life. I am very pro-choice. No one has the right to make this decision, but YOU. You must know all your choices though. My best friend had an abortion last year and just a couple of weeks ago she was imagining how old her child would've been. Abortion is a decision that cant be changed once it is done and you will always remember it. Also, like Brie said plz plz plz stop with the substance abuse for the time being. I dont know if your Christian, but God wont give you anything you cant handle honey. Everything you go through can only make you stronger. Good Luck.
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  #5  
April 26th, 2005, 04:25 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 2
I told my mom yesterday and she said we would discuss it, but the more I think about everything the more lost I get. I also told my counseler today and she said that depressed mothers and their babies tend to have a lot of problems. Both my mom and the counseler said they would support me whatever I did. It's just such a huge life changing decision for me to make...and the last thing I want is to have a child and suddenly find myself a single parent, like so many other high school girls end up. I just don't know.
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  #6  
April 26th, 2005, 06:18 PM
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I'm sorry how this year has gone for you. Depressed parents can raise kids and be exelent parents. If you want to stop using drugs use this oppertunity. I know it's hard to quit. I have. If you need to get into a treatment program by all means get into one.

Quote:
realize its my future I have to look out for, but at the present they're what keep me going day by day[/b]
Sence you live day by day... deside tomorrow will be a better day, a clean day. You most likely will have to do it hour by hour. Do not be to hard on yourself.

As far as wheather you have this child or not. Do what's best for you. I want to tell you that a lot of thing change in 9 months. You

Quote:
I feel I'll be hurting myself and the baby if I have it, but I also fear I'll be all alone if I have an abortion[/b]
you really have to way both options.

Please PM me
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  #7  
April 27th, 2005, 06:13 AM
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My best advice is, if you don't want an abortion, or an't 200% sure thats what you want, don't. Adoption can be a wonderful thing.

I don't have any kiddos yet [unless you could my dog], but alot of people have said they changed ALOT for the better during PG.

((hugs)) hang in there. I took zoloft for depression for a good year and half, until I could cope with why I was taking it and get off it and been off it for about a year. Take it one day at a time is a very good thing to do. But I want to give you hope that things do get better with depression. Feel free to PM me anytime.
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  #8  
April 27th, 2005, 08:04 AM
melissa29624's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hello! I know 2 people who've had abortions. There are mixed emotions about it. I don't think that what you've done so far (drugs..etc) should really hurt the baby...only if keep on doing it. If you are not strong enough to not do it until the baby is born then may be you should consider abortion...even though I am a Christian and I don't believe in it....the baby would have no decent life with problems from you doing drugs the whole 9 months. If you feel you are strong enough to stop drinking and doing drugs...then please consider adoption. I really really really really believe that each life is by God's choice and not ours...and that even though it was an "accident"....it was meant to happen. You have to make your own decisions...so don't let anyone make them for you...not even your parents. That baby inside you is already your responsibility and not any one else's. Be strong and make the decision that you feel will be the best one. I hope that everything works out for you.
Melissa
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  #9  
April 27th, 2005, 08:18 AM
1proudmom2kalli
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Wow- I don't really know what to tell you! I'm pregnant unexpectedly, but I'm 2 years older than you and I don't have high school to contend with. I'm sorry that this past year has been so terrible for you. I don't do drugs or drink, but I would take the advice from the other girls, and quit now, and if you can't, then you should get help.

I think you should do some serious thinking on this and don't make any rash decisions about what you should do until you're 200% sure that's what you want. Just make sure that you don't make any rush decisions. It's a big choice, and one that you should think over carefully. And one that only YOU can make. That's why I won't tell you what I think you should do other than thinking it over. It's up to you hun. I wish you the best of luck in deciding.

Keep us updated and Welcome to JM!
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  #10  
April 27th, 2005, 09:09 AM
Tami77's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Winona, MN
Posts: 899
honey, think twice maybe even three times before you decide. you have to weight the lesser of two evils here. abortion isnt a cure all. it isnt something you just do and walk away from. from what you posted you seem like a sensitive person. the guilt that comes from getting an abortion is limitless. get more info before you decide. if your prevous substance abuse worrys you talk to a proffesional they will tell you the facts.
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  #11  
April 27th, 2005, 10:03 PM
Regular
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 1
I am sorry you are having such a hard time. My daughter had a baby at 18 and of course the boyfriend disappeared. Now, 4 yrs later, she had a great job and has bought a nice house and cant imagine life without her little man. One piece of advice I really want to give to you is if you are truely thinking about abortion, take a few minutes and go online and look at pictures of abortion so you are truely informed about what you are doing. My daughter did and afterwards it was never a concideration. I just think its best to know before you do anything because seeing it afterwards could make you feel worse than you do now. Abortion does seem like an easy fix, but honey what you may not know is how it will be to live with that. So many women truely regret it later in life. And one thing is for sure. You can never look in your babies eyes and regret giving him or her life. I'm not saying it will be easy but it may end up being the best thing that could happen to you. Maybe your child will be the reason to make your life better. God doesnt make mistakes. What ever you do I wish you all the best and I hope you will let us know how you are.
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  #12  
May 1st, 2005, 04:45 PM
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Allentown,Pa
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Hey, just thought i'd respond...im 18 and 4 months pregnant. ive been through 1 rape and 1 molestation...none of them involve the baby but i wanted you to know that even though you've been through a lot in your life and even though you think you can't make it...you should still be strong...all those things in your life that have happened are in the past...this is the future hun...but always remember that it's your decision...if your friend and your boyfriend are going to leave you because you dont want to have it..then they are not worth it...its you who is carrying the baby for 9 months not them...there are other options then abortion like adoption...but the choice is really up to you hun...if you feel that you can not do it then don't...im here for you no matter what decision you make...you can email me as well at mgurl4ever@hotmail.com if you want to let me know how your doing...
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  #13  
May 1st, 2005, 05:32 PM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,057
Why don't you give a call to Planned Parenthood? I imagine they'll try to talk you out of abortion, but you don't sound really confident that it's the solution you're looking for anyway. (And in the end, you do what you want to do.) But I bet they'll have lots of concrete ideas and resources for you.

As an adoptive mom, I'll always be eternally grateful to my son's birth mother. If you choose to go that route and want to talk, let me know.

Good luck with your decisions.
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  #14  
May 2nd, 2005, 09:14 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 40
Hi there

First of all, it's great that you came on here looking for some advice. That's really a good step in the right direction.

If abortion is a serious consideration, the sooner it's done, the better off you will be. Search online or ask your doc about abortion support groups. This will help give you an idea about the emotions you will experience yrs down the road if you do choose that road. I've been to a few abortion seminars (both pro-choice and pro-life) and it seems that women are often ok with the abortion choice for the first couple yrs after...but then once they get married and decide to have kids it really haunts them. Just think it through.

If you decide to continue the preg. ask your MD about prenatal substance abuse groups....they should be free of charge. Also, be very honest with your doc about your substance abuse so they can provide better care for you.

We are all here for you, please take care and gets lots of rest
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  #15  
May 2nd, 2005, 05:39 PM
Melode's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Aurora. Colorado
Posts: 2,396
If u really wanna talk i know that u are going through i used to drink smoke and smoke weed and i quit like that beacuse i was pregnant with my first son and it is hard so i know whats going on gurl if u reall need to talk i am here my email is melode124@comcast.net or message me at melode124 on yahoo
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