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Unwanted Questions


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
August 15th, 2006, 09:02 AM
JennieMarie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I really wanted to get your girlys opinions... Didn't know where to post this question.... Okay I would def. say that the most unplanned thing about me getting pregnant is financially... but we knew we were doing the baby dance... so I wouldn't say this baby was unplanned.... but just didn't think it wouold happen so quickly... anywho... I started to go to my friends church, I actually recommended it to my sister and her BF and now they convinced me to start going.... So now I am attending... so far I have only gone the last past two sundays... but my sister has been there over a couple of months... and its a very small church so everyone gets to know everyone really quickly... I don remember how this lady found out but my sister's BF had mentioned how they weren't married... now the lady is very persistant of having them get married... and is always calling and asking them have they put any thought to it.... under a very big circumstance they cant get married but are planning to... regardless they want to get married on their anniversary, which happen to pass already in april so regardless they can't do it till next year... but this lady seems to not want to back off... now here is my question... I have been attending church solo because my BF works on sundays so pretty much he won't ever be able to attend... so I know they are going to ask very soon about him... and then my problem is that they are going to ask are we married.??... I know this is a church and stuff, but I dont take people being intrusive to well... One thing is to ask about my significant other... but then to question why we are not amrried or to insist of us getting married... and I know myself that if me being pregnant and living m=with my BF and not married becomes an issue... I would want to say soemthing back to the lady or not attend their church anymore... how would you girlys handle this situation??
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  #2  
August 15th, 2006, 09:51 AM
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Honestly I would just try to take it as lightly as possible. Sadly there are people who strongly look down on those of us who are pregnant out of wedlock. I would just calmly tell the lady that you and your boyfriend are in a great relationship and feel that marriage isn't a necessary step to either of you at this moment. I would also explain that you are both very committed to each other and plan on being lifelong partners but would rather focus on your pregnancy instead of marriage right now. My fiance and I got engaged last October and weren't planning on getting married for a few years. After we found out I was pregnant my MIL tried to force us to get married prior to the birth of our daughter and we flat out refused. We were obviously already planning on getting married and I didn't see the need to be married right away just because I was pregnant. We did move the wedding up to November however because of insurance purposes. I know alot of places count "common law" as the same thing as being married. If you are happy in your relationship then I see no reason why you should have to marry just because you are expecting a child together. Hope I was helpful lol. I strayed a little off topic.
Amanda
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  #3  
August 15th, 2006, 09:58 AM
JennieMarie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hey thanks Amanda... Good way of explaining things to her... I just want to be prepared, becasue I can feel it coming any sunday now... It just bothers me because its church and the way she persists with my sister and her BF is just uncalled for.
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  #4  
August 15th, 2006, 11:02 AM
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Wow...People really need to get a life I would do exactly what Amanda said. I know what it's like to have these unwanted questions but for me it's even worse b/c I'm not even with Mattea's father anymore. So when people ask me about him I have to say that he's not around and then I have to tell them he's not in the picture and deal with the responses. People keep asking questions or go "oh you poor thing" (gahhh I HATE pity!) or ask really prying questions or give me advice like "oh you better get him to pay child support!" or "well you really should really try to work things out with him for the sake of the child involved. A baby needs a mother AND a father" At first I would get sooo upset over it but now I just brush it off...whatevers clever I don't need anyones pity or advice on how to raise my daughter. You should try and do the same, don't stress out over this woman, and if she decides to play missionary and get you to stop "living in sin" I would politely tell her that it's none of her darn business and she needs to respect your privacy. No matter what, don't let that stop you from going to church! God teaches us not to judge, and just because certain people didn't get that memo doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to worship in peace!
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  #5  
August 15th, 2006, 12:04 PM
bubblesispreggers's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Is the church Southern Baptist?

This is yet another reason I don't go to church.

Sorry, I'm no help.



Jenny
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  #6  
August 16th, 2006, 06:10 AM
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its a Christian church... for some reason I always get discouraged to go to a Christian church... but I guess I'll wait it out and as long as its just that lady I think I will be fine.... but if goes far to the pastor or pastor wife then I'll def. be discouraged to go back.
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  #7  
August 16th, 2006, 06:35 AM
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Just be straight up with her, and tell her that her prying is making you uncomfortable and that it's really none of her beeswax! And if she continues, I'd either stop going to church or just stop talking to her...like if she comes up to you and tries talking about it, just walk away. And just don't let her get to you.
And if it comes down to it, sweetie, just change parishes.
Good luck let us know how it goes!
Brigitte
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  #8  
August 16th, 2006, 06:51 AM
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Hey Everyone!!! Thank you so much for all your replies... I now feel better and prepared for her if she says anything on Sunday... YOU girlys are the best!
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  #9  
August 16th, 2006, 07:12 AM
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I don't know what you can say to her. People, who are pushy like that, usually don't take being ignored very well. My only advice is don't give your phone number to anyone at the church who might give it to her. Its one thing for her to come up to you at church. I'd say if she starts calling you at home that is crossing a line. And, I'd tell her so.
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  #10  
August 17th, 2006, 06:39 AM
Pharry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am going to tell you this from the point of view tht you are a Christian. God wants the so called sinner than the holier than thous. She has no right to question you like that and if you don't feel comfy talking about it all then tell her that you don't really think that it has anything to do with you attending church and all. The thing is that people always want to be all up in other people's business and thats a fact, especially with church folk, and yet they know better. People make mistakes and church is supposed to be a place where you find solace instead of judgement. Tell her that you will settle down at a time that you feel is right for you not when people wantand even though God would have intended for you to have had the baby within marriage, it don't make you less of a Christian.

Don't quit church because of someone, you have to live your life for you. Tell her that people make different choices as and when they want and in that same vcein, you shall get married when you want, and when you are good and ready.
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