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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
August 31st, 2006, 07:20 AM
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Wow. I'm still in absolute shock that I'm writing this - in this forum. I'm hoping I can get some support here, as well as talk about the mish mash of things that are running through my head.

I'm 30 (I'll actually be 31 in 3 days). I am not married, but DBF and I have been dating for about 2 years and own a home together. Both DBF (who is almost 40) and I are divorced - no children.

So...yesterday I test. I am a regular swiss clock. 28 days. I can plan events around my AF. When I was married, I charted for around 8 months or so in preperation for TTC (before all hell broke loose). I am also on (well...was I guess) the B/C patch. AF was due to arrive on Sunday (when I took off the patch). Normally, I start that day. Sometimes the day after. Well - here I was on Wednesday, and I got to thinking....hmmm. That's odd. I was feeling crampy for the past couple of days, so I figured AF was about to arrive.

I am EXTREMELY impatient, so once I get something (like...maybe I'm pregnant?) in my head, there's no stopping me until I resolve the issue. So, I got out of class yesterday (I'm going back to school to be a nurse), and head directly to the drug store. I take the test when I get home and whammo. Two DARK pink lines spring up immedately. I about passed out

I called DBF and told him to come home NOW. (we work for the same place). He comes home and the minute I see him I start hysterically crying. Finally I get out that I'm pregnant. (Can't believe I just wrote that...).

Now, DBF is a very caring, supportive person. And yesterday was no exception. He spent a great deal of time (most of the time, actually) calming me down, telling me it was going to be OK, reminding me that it was Him and I not just me, he loves me, etc.

DBF also suffers from depression. He had a rough childhood, and his main fear in all of this is his fear of rasing a child that will have the same issues that he does. Now, I have every belief that he will be an excellent father, but I can't MAKE him believe that. He doesn't know if he wants children based upon that fear.

I want kids, but didn't really plan on it happening this way. Right now, I'm on autopilot.

So...that's where we are right now. Scared out of our minds, and not really knowing which way to feel. I'm trying to get an OBGYN appointment to get a blood test, but we moved recently, so I'm kind of stabbing in the dark on doctors. DBF is calling his sister (who has 5 kids) to get a recomendation. We have not, and are not, planning on telling anyone (well..my cousin, who is my best friend (and is herself 9 months pregnant) knows). At least not until we have things figured out.

I am scared that he will want an abortion. I'm pro-choice, but I don't think I can do that. I didn't want it this way, but I am 31. I do want kids. We talked about that briefly last night, and his answer was "I don't know" and my answer was "I don't think I can do that".

I took another test this morning and, of course, had the same result. I'm panicked, numb, and not really believing this is real yet. Right now, it isn't a baby to me yet - as in, it doesn't seem real. it's 2 pink lines (all be them ominous pink lines) on a stick. A baby? Really? OMG.
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  #2  
August 31st, 2006, 09:45 AM
cbenel79's Avatar Super Mommy
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I know its scary, i too almost collapsed when those 2 pink lines came up...i didnt believe it so i bought 2 more tests with the same results. I was hysterical and hyperventilated. After a while things will calm down and ull gain some composure. The shock stays with you a while. I felt just like you, so numb. Some of my friends mentioned an abortion but I too couldnt go through that.
If you cant go through that, dont. You dont want to put yourself though it bc of the father and then after regret it. He sounds very loving and I am sure once the baby is born (if u decide) then he will just be an amazing father. For me I think things started to calm down 3-4 weeks later. Each week got a little better, it was very emotional in the beginning. As far as the depression goes (me 2 2), I dont know all that he went through and all his fears but we all have ailments we dont want to pass onto our children. I hope my son's life is nothing like mine thats for sure! You cant think about the bad, just hope that all the love that you will give the child will lead them to having a happy childhood and shape them well.

I hope Im helping. Good luck in whatever you decide.
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  #3  
August 31st, 2006, 09:48 AM
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Well, congratulations on your pregnancy. I think it does take a while to sink in that there is actually a baby in there.

At least you are in a good relationship. It's hard when you weren't planning for a baby, but you'll get through this.

Please don't let your s.o. push you one way or another as too keeping the baby or not. That's your decision and yours alone.

We are here to support you whenever you need it. Good luck!
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  #4  
August 31st, 2006, 11:11 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
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Thanks! You guys are helpful!

BDF is still calm and supportive. He called his sister and got a reccomendation for me. I made my initial doctors appointments and when I told him the dates, he rushed to his calender to make sure he was open. I asked him if I should keep the appointments (one isn't until mid October) and he said "Of course!"

I hope he comes around on this. I think he will, but with the state of mind I'm in right now, it's hard to deal with his state of mind

Holy crap. What a whirlwind.
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  #5  
August 31st, 2006, 03:42 PM
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Well in the beginning it is hard to realize that there is actually a baby in there. I mean yeah you've seen the pink lines that indicate pregnancy but it doesnt really hit you until you see it and even then its hard to understand that you have something living inside of you. your choice is your choice. Good Luck!!!
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  #6  
August 31st, 2006, 10:34 PM
Frozendesire's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hm. When I found out that I was expecting, I started to cry ALOT. I yelled at my husband when he tried to make me feel better "Sure you can say things will be alright, you don't have to push a baby out of your vagina!!!!" well.. he just laughed. But I was extremely worried. We've been through many many different emotions and that's what comes with pregnancy. Alot changes, alot happens... but you grow to love every moment of it Trust me
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  #7  
September 1st, 2006, 04:31 AM
sonnetjie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive BF there... I am sure things will work out just fine...
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  #8  
September 1st, 2006, 05:17 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi and welcome to Just Mommies. I know what you are going through is full of mixed emotions. It is a baby, a life, and not something you planned....... You will get through it and in the end you will have a beautiful child that you will love and that will love you unconditionally.

As far as the abortion goes, that is a personal choice you will have to make. It sounds like your bf is being supportive which is a good thing. I will share a personal experience with you. I am 37. I have 3 beautiful boys ages 15, 14, 11. ~ 2 years ago I became pregnant by a guy I was dating. We moved in together and then he flipped out on me. Said he did not want to be a father and told me to get rid of the baby. I was emotionally weak at the time. I got an abortion. I regret my decision every day of my life. I am still hating myself at times for what I did. Looking back, I am glad the guy is out of my life but I cant forgive myself. Before any crazy decisions are made that you will regret forever just give yourselves time to think and let this sink in. Whatever decision you make is yours and I would never judge anyone for anything but just know that abortion is something that scars a person emotionally forever........

Good Luck with everything honey!
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  #9  
September 1st, 2006, 07:29 AM
Shyflutterby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well hun let me tell you once you get that first shock you stay in shock......and even now for me ti's still doesn't seem real! and I'm 17 almost 18 weeks along. you never stop being scared, but all you can really do is trust in yourself. trust that you will make the right choice for you, DBF, and the baby. AS time goes on you will come to terms with it all. Atleast with me I've felt less and less unsure and shocked and scared.....everytime I have an Ultrasound I still can't believe the little person is growing inside of me.....that the lil person on the screen is really part of me and part of my DBF.......It's just scarey amazing and strange all in one breath!

Like I said trust in yourself, and things wil be ok
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  #10  
September 1st, 2006, 09:52 AM
illinoismommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Congratulations You're going to have a baby!! .... even not planned, I hope you have a marvelous pregnancy and birth.
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"In the first place, whether you choose or no to take any trouble about the formation of his habits, it is habit, all the same, which will govern ninety-nine one-hundredths of the child's life. We are all mere creatures of habit. We think our accustomed thoughts, make our usual small talk, go through the trivial round, the common task, without any self-determining effort of will at all." -Charlotte Mason
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  #11  
September 1st, 2006, 10:03 AM
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Congrats on your pregnancy and welcome to JM. I know this can be a very scary time (as it was for all of us on the board I'm sure) but it does get better. I'm really glad that your DBF is so supportive. Being in shock is completely normal, but it does go away (at least it did for me and DF). My fiance was so unsupportive at the beginning of my pregnancy and now he keeps talking about how excited he is to meet his daughter and to be a dad. I'm not even that scared of being a mom anymore. Anyways, good luck and if you ever need to talk we are all here for you!!!
Amanda
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  #13  
September 5th, 2006, 01:43 PM
JenElly's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Land of Hoosiers
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It's scary. I was 23 when that happened to me. I was completely in shock, but like you, I knew I couldn't have an abortion. Even when my dd's dad decided he didn't want anything else to do w/ me, I just knew I couldn't have an abortion. So, I had my dd. It was rough. I was in law school at the time. I transferred schools to be closer to my parents so I could live w/ them. They helped a lot. It sounds like you're in a good relationship, and well, the timining's not always great. If you know that you can't have an abortion, don't let him pressure you. My current SO also was hesitant about wanting kids b/c he was afraid he'd screw them up, but he's GREAT w/ his neices & nephews & is so far awesome w/ my dd. What I did, was focus on the positives when I was pregnant. Picking a name, the little life inside me, feeling her kick, etc. You will make the right decision for you & your bf. It will not be easy, it may even be downright difficult, but you wll get through this!
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