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  #1  
October 7th, 2006, 08:51 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,217
I was reading a few posts and back posts from women who were so desperate and depressed about have an unplanned pregnancy. Kind of makes me sad. I was that way too. But only for a second. You cant let yourself be like that. You got pregnant and although unplanned. NEVER think of your child as a mistake or let anyone else think that. Although my son was very unplanned I am very happy that I had him. Everyday I see him grow. Play with, hold him when he has a booboo and rock him to sleep I am happy that I did not get rid of him. He is the only thing in my life that I know with 100% certainty that I do not regret. I have my days where I am down and feel like i want to jsut give up. Give up completly. But I dont. I keep going and he is the reason I breathe. The reason I dont just say F everything and go do something stupid. Ladies get some help. Talk to someone. Dont stay stuck in your miserable world. You have a life inside you. A life that will hopefully thrive and do awsome things. You know when I have those bad days where I want to give up. You know who usually is the one to kiss me and hug me (try at least lol). My 9month old son. He knows when mommys upset. He gets in my face and gives me slobbery kisses and climbs all over me or tugs on my hair. He babbels or laughs until I respond back. He reminds me that I am needed, I am loved. And you know for certainty that a childs love is always genuine, especially a baby or toddler.
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  #2  
October 7th, 2006, 10:03 PM
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Join Date: May 2006
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OK...I don't know exactly what post or posts this was in response to but I have been on this board for a while-as a matter of fact this was the FIRST place I came to when I got pregnant with my daughter and I really have not seen the negativity you are describing at all. I see women who are going through an unexpected and life changing event and reacting in a VERY natural way. I'm happy that you only were upset for a second-seriously, that's great, but it's not like that for everyone. I don't know what your situation was but for me, considering the fact that my relationship with Mattea's father was VERY new and he left me as soon as he found out I was pregnant, considering the fact that I had a pretty awesome life that I really didn't want to change, the fact that I was a drug user and completely financially mentally and emotionally unprepared to bring a child into this world, yeah it was hard to take in. I struggled a LOT in the beginning with feelings of anger, regret and guilt. I considered abortion, I considered adoption, and yes there were times where the thought creeped into my mind that it wouldn't be so terrible if I had a miscarriage. It's not something I'm proud of, but it is what it is and the ladies here helped me get through that, let me know that my feelings were normal and that it was ok to feel that way, that it would eventually get better. And it did-I am now 7 months pregnant and I am so filled with joy knowing that I am going to have a precious little girl in my life in 3 months. My life is completely turned around-I am healthier than I have been in years (quit ALL of my vices and not planning on going back to any of them ) have a great job and through scrimping and saving, $3000 in savings so far, and I'm generally just a much happier person than I was before. And not a second goes by that I regret my descision or think of my daughter as a mistake, I have no doubt in my mind that despite everything there is a reason this all happened and I thank God for her every day. But I needed to go through all of those emotions in the beginning, and I needed to talk to people about them. I did not need someone like you to tell me that I needed help and to get out of my "miserable world", that would have done nothing but made me feel guiltier than I already was.
You seem to think that anyone who feels this way now will feel the same when their child comes into the world. But you know, I really think you are wrong. I have never talked to a mother here or in real life who has regretted having her child. But it's a process for some of us, a long and painful process to coming to terms with, accepting, and eventually finding joy in our pregnancy, and I think that this board is here to guide people along that path. And judgement never helps in that journey.
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  #3  
October 8th, 2006, 01:39 AM
LondonAndAthensMommy's Avatar Chillin' in Mommywood ;)
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I very much agree with your post!!


Quote:
OK...I don't know exactly what post or posts this was in response to but I have been on this board for a while-as a matter of fact this was the FIRST place I came to when I got pregnant with my daughter and I really have not seen the negativity you are describing at all. I see women who are going through an unexpected and life changing event and reacting in a VERY natural way. I'm happy that you only were upset for a second-seriously, that's great, but it's not like that for everyone. I don't know what your situation was but for me, considering the fact that my relationship with Mattea's father was VERY new and he left me as soon as he found out I was pregnant, considering the fact that I had a pretty awesome life that I really didn't want to change, the fact that I was a drug user and completely financially mentally and emotionally unprepared to bring a child into this world, yeah it was hard to take in. I struggled a LOT in the beginning with feelings of anger, regret and guilt. I considered abortion, I considered adoption, and yes there were times where the thought creeped into my mind that it wouldn't be so terrible if I had a miscarriage. It's not something I'm proud of, but it is what it is and the ladies here helped me get through that, let me know that my feelings were normal and that it was ok to feel that way, that it would eventually get better. And it did-I am now 7 months pregnant and I am so filled with joy knowing that I am going to have a precious little girl in my life in 3 months. My life is completely turned around-I am healthier than I have been in years (quit ALL of my vices and not planning on going back to any of them ) have a great job and through scrimping and saving, $3000 in savings so far, and I'm generally just a much happier person than I was before. And not a second goes by that I regret my descision or think of my daughter as a mistake, I have no doubt in my mind that despite everything there is a reason this all happened and I thank God for her every day. But I needed to go through all of those emotions in the beginning, and I needed to talk to people about them. I did not need someone like you to tell me that I needed help and to get out of my "miserable world", that would have done nothing but made me feel guiltier than I already was.
You seem to think that anyone who feels this way now will feel the same when their child comes into the world. But you know, I really think you are wrong. I have never talked to a mother here or in real life who has regretted having her child. But it's a process for some of us, a long and painful process to coming to terms with, accepting, and eventually finding joy in our pregnancy, and I think that this board is here to guide people along that path. And judgement never helps in that journey.[/b]
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  #4  
October 8th, 2006, 08:12 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 13,011
Yeah, I remember a few posts from women who were pretty upset after finding out they were pregnant unexpectedly...Though I have to agree that I've never met anyone who continued to feel this way after they had their baby.
I was happy when I found out...scared out of my mind, but happy. Other women don't take it quite so well. I think Blondie6836 made a pretty good point. Take her story for example: Party girl finds out she's preggers, tells her b/f, he screws off, leaves her stranded (like a dumb jerk!!!) and suddenly she's left to make all these life changes all on her own. I don't think anyone in that situation is just going to say to herself "wow...that's pretty yucky. Oh well, lets make the best of it" and just be happy about what's going on right off the bat. Most ppl need to go through the motions. Fear causes ppl to go through so many different emotions: anger, depression, doubt,...I mean, without going through these emotions about their new life, new baby on the way, these women would never ben able to come to terms with it.
But I think I also understand Olathe6's message: Try not to get so upset about this pregnancy, because in just a few months, you'll be so in love with this little tiny person, you'll forget all about these feelings.
I just think everyone needs to understand, however, that these feelings a lot of the women here are feeling are normal, are OK and don't necessarily mean they need professional help. Any women can appreciate the toll the big H word (HORMONES) can take on someone! And when a woman is pregnant, hormones sky rocket! lol It's only normal to feel overwhelmed by these feelings!
That's where we come in...we're here to listen to these girls and help them through this, because we've been through it too. That's the point of this board.
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  #5  
October 11th, 2006, 04:39 AM
Pharry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 1,824
I think that there is bit of a misunderstanding happening here. I am not sure if i am reading this correctly but I think that the point that Olathe6 is trying to put across to some of thegirls on here is that, having an unplanned pregnancy is not the end of the world. Obviously, it is not the easiest thing to find yourself in a situation like that, but the best thing is to look forward and deal with th issues at hand, instead of focusing on the negatives. Whilst its not everyone who gets so excited about having a baby, I think those that do feel their maternal instinct kick into gear as soon as they find their pregnant should not give those that are finding it hard to deal with it, extra stress. people have different personalities hence they deal with things in a different way.

I just think the best way is to give everyone time to get used to the idea of being pregnant in their own way, and if that includes a myriad of thoughts, then so be it, it is just people handling situations differently. Most people only start realising that they are really bringing a person into the world when they start feeling them kicking or even when they get their u/s, so like they say different strokes for different folks.

Support each other, and know that all these feelings are only normal when faced with something unexpected.
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