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My babys father HATES me


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #21  
June 7th, 2005, 06:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by lilmomma601@May 29 2005, 12:01 PM
Thanks everyone!! I think it might be too early for lawyers. Some people say he will come around, but I dont think he will.
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Leave him alone is my advice, pestering him is not going to make him come around any faster. Focus on your own health and prepare to be a single mom, if he comes around then great, he was a jerk but he still deserves a chance to be a good dad and redeem himself, if he does not come around, file the paper work for child support and call it a day.

One thing we all have to learn is that as much as we may want someone to be what we need and wish they could be, we cant force it...you keep going to his house and trying to force the issue is not going to make him do anything but ignore you even more and develop an even deeper resentment than he already may have.

If you are still emotionally hurting from his rebuffs then deal with it and try to move on, dont let him manipulate you. Let him go his way and when the baby comes let the chips fall where they may.

And then this is just my personal opinion but children shoud have their mom's last name if in fact the mom is going to be a single mom, only people in families or famalies to be should have the same name....it kills me when some women have a kid with the dad's last name and dad is nowhere to be found.....

but take that or leave it, thats just my opinion, if you want your baby to have his/her dads name then so be it...but be aware that most states these days REQUIRE that the FATHER be present and physically sign off on the child having his last name...so if the guy still wants nothing to do with the birth or baby then you wont have to worry about giving your child his name because legally you won't be able to. But every state is different so check your state laws....
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  #22  
June 7th, 2005, 02:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by lilmomma601@Jun 6 2005, 09:15 PM
Ok well I went and talked to him tonight trying to be an adult and a least let him know I didnt sleep with *John Doe*. He said he didnt give a ###### and that he was tired of all the grief and i told him grief when my entire family looks at me differently now and by this time I was screaming and he was yelling telling me I needed to leave him alone, and I told him I hadnt talked to him since May 10th when I freakin told him I was pregnant. That is when he told me I needed to leave and I was like ok this is the way you are gonna be you better get a ###### good lawyer and I will take you for every bit of child support I can and be prepared to reinburse the state for a ###### DNA test.....I am so pissed and I dont know what to do. I think I am gonna go insane. Never in my life have I hated someone so much. I wanted to like slap the sh_t out of him. What do I do....I can tell my blood preasure is up and I feel really really sick. Someone HELP me please. * *
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Well it seems like being an adult is something he doesn't know or understand..He needs to grow up and except responsibility for his actions..You have the support of your family and friends and thats all you beed..you don't need him..I went through a similar situation 10+ yrsa ago..he walked and I have a beautiful 10yr old son He has nothing to do with my son by his choice..he hasn't seen him in almost 7 yrs!! But I met and married an man who excepts my son as his own and loves him unconditionally..unlike the biological piece of crap that fathered him

Hang in there..it will all be fine..you will see
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  #23  
June 7th, 2005, 03:54 PM
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I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I am 19 and have a 4 month old baby boy. I am still with his dad, but all through the pregnancy i was insecure with the fact that he could up and leave me if he chickened out at any point, and i was dwelling on this everyday and making myself and my son sick from all the time i spent crying over this. In order to soothe myself, i started thinking about what would happen if he were to leave. This is what i came up with. Any "man" who can tell you that he has no desire to be in the childs life, is better off staying as far away from your child as possible. God didn't choose women to have the babies just because. He chose us because we are better suited to take care of a child than a man. Even the best of dads don't get the motherly instinct to take care of a child. I started thinking of what a dad could do, that a mommy couldn't. And beside having that father-son or father-daughter bond every child desires, i would rather a dad not be in his life at all than just being a half-##### dad. Because that's how my dad was, he'd see me for the weekend if it was "good for him" That made me feel like i wasn't worth seeing EVERY weekend. Worthless.
All you need is friends and family to help support you....if you've got that...you've got all you need. Being a mommy is the best thing that has happened to me, and will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. One thing I've never realized until 4 months ago, was how much MY mom loved me, and that is awesome to know that even i, the little sh*t was loved sooo much. It's amazing what babies can do to you If you ever need to talk...let me know!
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  #24  
June 8th, 2005, 09:25 AM
mom2Silas&amp;Aidan's Avatar Super Mommy
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I don't know where to begin. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's hard enough being pregnant and dealing with all the hormones and body changes and then not to have the father's support. At least your family and friends are there for you.
My brother and his gf got pregnant early. He was 16 and she was 18 when they found out. My brother at first was very supportive to her but somehow he became a total jerk to her and broke up with her early in the pregnancy. They were always fighting. It was horrible. My mom even had the nerve to question the paternity. Anyway, right before my nephew was born, my brother started to come around and was there for the birth. After seeing his son be born (who looks just like him) and holding him for the first time, he completely changed, for the better. I don't know what it is about men. Whenever they have to become responsible for someone other than themself, they turn into big babies or complete jerks.
I hope that things get better for you. You may just need to leave him alone, let him grow up and let things sink in. Definitely make him pay for the DNA test (if he's determined it's not his) and child support. He should even pay for part of the doctor/hospital bills. After all, it takes two to make a baby. I really hope that he comes around but if not, the child is better off not knowing a dad who doesn't care about him/her.

You might want to let the guy know that 18 years from now, this child may come looking for him. I was adopted as a baby and am searching for my birth family. My mother (who was 17 when I was born) has been found but we're waiting on finding the father (who denied paternity when she got pregnant).

Good luck. I hope things get better for you. Just remember your family is there for you. That's all that matters. Take care of yourself and your baby.
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  #25  
June 12th, 2005, 01:24 PM
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My older sister went through something very similar. Her little boy is now three years old.

After a court ordered DNA test the father was ordered to pay minimum child support. He then insisted on seeing Bricen who was at this point almost a year old. My sister was very cooperative and allowed the father and the grandmother to babysit Bricen two days a week. After about 3 months Bricen started coming home in the same diaper he'd arrived in, his antibiotics were not being given to him and were being left out all day (he'd had 19 ear infections at this point) and he would be starving. I myself went to pick him up one day and he was filthy, his grandmother had held him all day long because the trailer was so jammed packed with junk, spoiled food, and trash that there was literally no where for the baby to sit--even on the floor. Worst of all, my sister had sent a whole pack of diapers-unopened just that morning....They hadn't changed him at all. And they let him play in the sand box. Wet diaper mixed with sand......His little bottom was red, raw, and bleeding! My sister immediately stopped sending him to his father's. Shortly after Bricen ended up with pnuemonia (possibly from the missed antibiotics) and was hospitalized. His father visited once. Bricen was just short of 2 years old. He is now almost three and a half years old. He has not seen his father since. His father now works at the same place as my mother...he has not even asked about his son.

Bricen is very confused and went through a phase where he asked if every man under thirty or so was his Daddy. He also doesn't understand why he doesn't have a daddy like his cousin. My sister and I have to wonder if he'd have been better off never visiting a man who was unable to be a decent father. I know my sister is glad that Bricen is not being exposed to that kind of male role model.

My sister was very lucky in that our family has been very supportive, it sounds like you are lucky too.

If the father of your baby is 33 years old and not wanting to be a good parent, your baby is better off AS FAR AWAY FROM THIS MAN AS POSSIBLE. I know this seems harsh, but do you want your baby to grow up just like him or more like those in your family and more like yourself.

After all No daddy is better than a bad daddy.
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  #26  
June 13th, 2005, 04:26 PM
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what a jerk ((HUG)) Im sorry hes being that way. Hes missing out on a great gift and its his loss. I dont know but that would make it alot harder. Im sorry and if you ever need to talk, Im all ears.
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  #27  
June 13th, 2005, 07:48 PM
megan
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i didn't read the whole thread but i read most of it, and as my understanding if you want him to not be a part of the babys life and he doesn't say anything differnt by the time of the birth than don't put his name on the birth certificate. Than you don't have to worry about him signing his rights over, because as long as he doesn't say differnt than he has no rights. And don't give the baby his last name, trust me on this, that baby will live with you and it will be so much easier on you and so much more piece of mind if the baby has your last name. Every day i think about changing my son's last name to mine, but in my case it will start a huge court fight. Another thing if you do have serious health problems, do a living will (for the hospital, and after the baby is born really consider doing a will as soon as possible stating the same things), and state in that will if you pass when the baby is born that the child will go to the custody of your parents or someone you trust, because if you don't than the baby will either go to the father if he steps up or the child will go to the state. And your parents or anyone else you would want to have the child will have a very hard time in court gaining custody of that child.
And my last $.02 is do not stress your self with his crap, if he doesn't want to be a dad than say fine you won't. and if you want to get child support from him you do need to say he is the father of the child and if he denies it than leave it to the courts to give him a DNA test after the baby is born and do everything the courts say to do. And just a warning child support is not just a amount that comes out of thin air it is calculated by the state on the combination of yours and his income divided by 3 and than a little more math added in.

I could go on and on and on with my experiances and advice, but i don't want to upset anyone. sorry to keep babbeling. LOL
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  #28  
June 16th, 2005, 04:12 PM
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Sweetie...what is important right now is that you enjoy your pregnancy and think about that little person who is such a blessing. You have the support of your family and friends 100% and that is all you need. I am 34 and the babies daddy is also 34! The baby came as a shock to both of us. We weren't seeing each other anymore when I found out. He was warming up to the idea of taking on his responsibilites, until he got back together with his 21 yr. old ex! Well, I haven't heard from him in a month. He hasn't even told his family. We can't make these men be supportive or responsible, so what you need to do is focus. I know you want all you can for your Child and this wasn't your ideal way of starting your family. People keep telling me he will come around to but I'm taking it like he will never call again. That way I don't keep getting hurt. Try and stay strong. You seem like a smart, strong girl....I wish you tonz of joy!
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  #29  
June 17th, 2005, 08:22 PM
ActiveDutyMami's Avatar Veteran
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Baby girl, I'm dealing with almost the same thing you're going through right now. When I met my child's father, he told me that he was divorced, and I found out a month later from one of my friends that he was still married! So, I confront him about it and he tells me that he is legally seperated, so like an idiot, I'm all well and cool with that. They didn't llive together, nor did they like each other(as he claimed). Anyway, months passed on, and he was the a-hole of the millenium, but like a sprung little chick, I felt that we could make this work. I got pregnant, in February, didn't find out until April 1st! And he was cool with it. Then later he had to get back with his wife because he was having problems with his job, and housing situation, so he needed her. Then when he went back to her, he tried to convince me to have an abortion! I denied that. So he came by very sparingly after that saying we weren't ready and he and his wife were getting better. blah blah, so i said f-k it i didn't need him or the stress. As time passed, people were calling him out on his irresponsibleness, and I just didn't care. I don't want child support or nothing from him. Now the cat claims he really needs me, and he wants me back and wants to move in with me so that he can take care of his baby. Just in the past month, he did a 360 concerning his child. And it was already too late, because I could care less if he was around. I have support from all my friends, family and coworkers. With support of such positive people, why stick around hounding a broke, negative deadbeat?

With you, that man is 33 years old, and he should live up to his responsibility. At his age, he should have a stable job. If I were you, I would try to relax throughout my first trimester and some of my second trimester, then take strong legal action. With your medical condition, i wouldn't want anything to jeopardize the baby; especially over no deadbeat like him. If you can't wait, have your family help. I'm sure they would, I know my parents would in a heartbeat. God Bless You.
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  #30  
June 17th, 2005, 11:03 PM
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Thanks everyone for being so supportive. I have actually been helping some mutual friends of ours move (well they load my jeep down & i just drive) here recently and me & Mitch have seen each other for 3 days in row now and we havent screamed,yelled,cussed,punched,or threatened each other! (GO US!!) We just dont talk about it(the baby), but he is real sure I dont lift anything heavy and I always have a place to sit besides the floor. He keeps flirting with me too, like I was bent over and the string of my panties where showing he walked by and popped them and said something about the time he ripped my pink pair like the ones i had on. (i know TMI), he smiles at me more, winks at me, grabs my butt (all the time), told me i melt people with my 100 watt smile, and is just always right by my side. For the love of god the jerk hugged me bye and kissed me on my forhead(*** does that mean)....does he still hate me and just want some a_ _?? or he is starting to realize HELLO ASHLEY IS PREGNANT AND IT IS MINE!!!! and I shouldnt treat her like sh_t....men are so dang confusing. I dont want d_ck from the man I got that and here I am. I would like to give me and him a shot , and yes I know it is stupid and little girlish but I wish me and him would work out and live happiely everafter. I doubt that though I think he just want some...and well I am not for free, and I need someone who isnt gonna just be nice to me when he wants some. Am I in the wrong or in the right, should I just give up all hope with Mitch, what should I do .....part of me wants him and part of me wants his head on a platter.
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  #31  
June 17th, 2005, 11:12 PM
megan
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just realize that if you do decide to give him another chance that the posibility of him doing the same thing to you or hurting you are very high, i would suggest taking it very slow if you think he is coming around. but be wise to his not wanting to talk about the pregnancy. Bring it up sooner than later so you can see what he is thinking, in that area.
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  #32  
June 19th, 2005, 02:00 AM
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i agree be careful you dont want to get hurt all over again and well just be catious and with the whole not tlaking about the baby thing if his change in demeanor is b/c of the fact that hes realizing that he has a kid on the way and he shouldnt be a jerk to you then id say if you brought it up youd probably know if that was it or not by his reaction and his thoughts and opinions if he says horriblethings or insists on not tlaking about it id say that the baby probably is not the reason for the turnabout my advice is to bring it up and see what you can find out
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  #33  
June 19th, 2005, 07:08 AM
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Sounds like he might finally be getting over the initial shock of the pregnancy. I wouldn't give him anything, sexually, until your actual relationship is going to work. There's more to it than sex, and he should realize that. If that's all he's about, you'll quickly find out. If he's up for it, maybe you guys could go to couple's counseling and work out the issues. Unfortunately a pregnancy can bring up a lot of different feelings in both men & women, and sometimes can be enough to ruin relationships. Either way, I think you should sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. Just be careful how you say it, because you don't want to sound like you're jumping to the conclusion of him just wanting to get you in the sack. Afterall, maybe his intentions are sincere. But I would be cautious w/ this one. Good luck hun. I hope it works out!
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  #34  
June 19th, 2005, 07:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by lilmomma601@Jun 6 2005, 08:15 PM
Ok well I went and talked to him tonight trying to be an adult and a least let him know I didnt sleep with *John Doe*. He said he didnt give a ###### and that he was tired of all the grief and i told him grief when my entire family looks at me differently now and by this time I was screaming and he was yelling telling me I needed to leave him alone, and I told him I hadnt talked to him since May 10th when I freakin told him I was pregnant. That is when he told me I needed to leave and I was like ok this is the way you are gonna be you better get a ###### good lawyer and I will take you for every bit of child support I can and be prepared to reinburse the state for a ###### DNA test.....I am so pissed and I dont know what to do. I think I am gonna go insane. Never in my life have I hated someone so much. I wanted to like slap the sh_t out of him. What do I do....I can tell my blood preasure is up and I feel really really sick. Someone HELP me please. * *
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Well, for one don't get yourself all stressed out for this jerk. Its not your fault and you can just do exactly what you are thinking. when the baby is born go see an attorney and tell them everything they will do a court ordered paternity test if he wont agree to one- and if he doesnt show up there by default he is the father. after that the attorney will probably work something out where you guys will go to court for child support.
I know how hard it must be telling everyone in your family i was 19 when i found out i was pregnant and the father is 10 years older than i am. At first he was scared to death ( as i was ) and there was a lot of tension between us. after 9 months things have changed totally. complete turn around. Worst thing with my situation was he was in a rocky marriage so basicly when i first told him he just wanted my address so he could send me money and he didnt want anything to do with the baby- he didnt tell ANYONE in his family. This past week his wife was doing some snooping and found out about us ( not the baby) so he left her. he told his whole family about me and the baby and of course it raises a lot of eyebrows.. is the baby really yours? so i told him i want him to get a paternity test when the baby is born to prove it to them all. but he has no doubts. i guess the point is he didnt realize he was going to have a son until he came to the ultrasound and saw the pictures when i was 26 weeks. It takes awhile to adjust to.
Does he have any other children? I hope everything works out for you and if you need to talk e-mail me krystalball30@aol.com
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  #35  
June 21st, 2005, 02:41 PM
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I'm 20 weeks pregnant with twins and the father is acting the same way. He told me to have an abortion and I didn't so he thinks that he has no responsibility for them. We have a two year old son and he visits him about twice a month. He already owes me $10,000 in child support for him and hasn't paid a dime. Our son was planned but he changed his mind when I was around 8 months pregnant and said that he wasn't sure if he wanted a baby. After he was born things were okay for a while, then we broke up. We weren't together when I got pregnant this time, we only slept together once. Big mistake. Anyway,the way I see it he can ignore us all he wants, the kids are obviously better off without the jerk in their lives. Child support will eventually catch up to him.
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  #36  
July 17th, 2005, 09:36 AM
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Just a little update!! Me and Mitch are still not on the best of terms but we dont yell at each other as often now, and well he is in love with someone closer to his own age. Yes it hurts a great deal and breaks my heart to an extent but there is nothing i can do. His son does know now, but the new girlfriend does not. But I just wanted to let everyone know that things are going better now, I am not crying all day every day about him, and I am done with hating him for right now...there just isnt any point.
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  #37  
July 19th, 2005, 01:17 PM
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I am glad that everything is going better with you. My first daughters father was a butt hole also. Like you I did alot of crying and crying and yelling and trying to figure out what went wrong especially when we planned this child. I eventually gave up and went along being happy about my preganacy. My family and friends were supurb. And all that hating and crying did is make my baby come out looking just like him but that's ok. I love her to death and she is a momma's girl. The father was not in my daughter's life for the first 4 years and then the next year he was off and on this last year not that she is 6 he has tried to be there more but it is kind of too late for him. To my daughter 6 years with out a fater was too long. I have never said a bad word about him to her I just don't mention him and neither does she. She does not care to call him or spend the night with him. I don't force her either. I let her make up her own mind when it comes to him. I know it hurts him but he has done it to him self.
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  #38  
March 21st, 2012, 09:13 PM
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OMG I so feel ur pain! What a freaking *******.
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