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My babys father HATES me


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
May 28th, 2005, 01:07 PM
lilmomma601's Avatar Regular
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Well I am 19 and pregnant, and I was sleeping with a 33 year old and I decided to keep my baby. He wants me to abort. He hasnt talked to me n 2 weeks and when he see's me it is like he looks at me like I disgust him. I never thought I would be pregnant by someone who hates me. This wasnt planned at all. I am scared to death. He tells everyone he will take care of it...but he hasnt told me that. Should I be mad, should I be upset he is ignoring me. I lost my scholarship a full ride to college, and the only thing he is upset about is paying child support. He wouldnt even fill out the medical history form I took to his house. I dont know what to do....I didnt plan this. My family is behind me a 100% and so are my friends, but I want him to talk to me. Is that wrong??
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  #2  
May 28th, 2005, 01:17 PM
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That isnt wrong at all. I felt the same way, even though my bf doesnt want me to abort and we are doing this together. But I sought after his happiness so that way I could feel happy. I didnt know how I was ever going to be happy if he hated it. We are doing pretty good, but thats besides the point. If he is going to be that way, then just tell him he can pay child support for a baby that he doesnt need to be a part of or he can pay child support and be a father. Lay it down for him. YOU AND THE BABY dont need the stress. How far along are you?
Good Luck.
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  #3  
May 28th, 2005, 02:10 PM
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you know what let him be upset, you have great support in your family and if he is a big boy and knew what he was doing. it's not like it was your fault that you got pregnant the 2 of you were there. i mean he's 33 not 13. you are only doing what is right for you and your baby.
i was on birthcontrol and everything when i got pregnant. i had other problems that made us think that i couldn't even have kids and i didn't even want them. i'm due in just over 8 weeks and i am really excited about it but at the same time there are still moments that i am so scared. it's part of the process. he may not hate you. he just may be scared as well and men have a weird way of doing things at times when they are scared. it doesn't excuse the way he is treating you but this is ahuge thing for the 2 of you. but like some one said before, if he doesn't want to be there he doesn't have to and he can still support his child. you have a lot of support... you came to the right place.
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  #4  
May 28th, 2005, 05:22 PM
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OMG u poor thing *HUGS* if he is a jerk like he sounds then dont worried about him he doesnt sound like he would be a good dad, i hop eu get better
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  #5  
May 28th, 2005, 07:29 PM
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Thanks everyone! I have so many things I want to tell him I want to lay it out on the line for him you know. But how can I talk to him when he wont even answer the door when I go over there. I have a heart problem and other health things that are makin doctors worry about me & the baby, I wrote a nice note and taped it to the door and attached was a medical history form I needed him to fill out. He told one of his friends he wasnt going to do a ###### thing for me my health is my own problem. There are even moments when I dont want him to pay child support, just sign over his rights and then again I wish he would step up and be a dad. I dont even know if my child is gonna have his last name or mine. I dont know what to do.


Thanks everyone for your support and your help....JM is already proving to be a blessing!
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  #6  
May 28th, 2005, 08:10 PM
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What the hell is this guys problem?? He's 33!! Time to grow up, buddy! I mean, come on I could understand if he was younger, but 33????Thats just him being an immature A**HOLE!!(Sorry So Rude!!)
At least you have family and friends that support you
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  #7  
May 28th, 2005, 10:18 PM
a_baby_is_a_gift's Avatar Member
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Awww you poor thing have you looked into lawyers????
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  #8  
May 29th, 2005, 08:31 AM
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WOW... i can't believe this guy. it's so hard when all you want is what's best for you child. if he's going to be like this to you it may not even be worth it to have him around. this would be the role modle that would be around for your baby. i know that it's strange because we all want the man who is that father of our babies to act like it. i know all you want is whats best for you baby, but what's more important right now is you and your health so that the 2 of you will be ok.
i hope eberything works out for the best for you.
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  #9  
May 29th, 2005, 10:01 AM
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Thanks everyone!! I think it might be too early for lawyers. Some people say he will come around, but I dont think he will.
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  #10  
May 29th, 2005, 10:03 AM
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He has a 7 year old son, and keeps telling everyone he doesnt want another kid. He doesnt wanna be a weekend dad. How am I supposed to take that...I mean it breaks my heart. That my kid isnt even here yet an already not wanted. Should I keep trying to talk to the guy or leave him alone. I really need some advice. It would be greatly appreciated!!
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  #11  
May 29th, 2005, 10:30 AM
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he's obviously being a jacka** and you and your baby deserve nothing but the best. if he wants to be that way there isn't really anything you can do about it. you can't change him right?!?! you really don't need the stress and he's not worth the stress of it all. you love your baby and so does your family so really your baby is already feeling loved and wanted.
i really hope nothing but the best for you and your baby. good luck with everythign.
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  #12  
May 31st, 2005, 06:52 AM
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Your baby does not need the biological father in it's life to make them feel loved. You love your baby and so does your family, and that's all that matters. If he doesn't want anymore kids and doesn't want to be a weekend dad, then so be it. If you don't want him to pay child support, then don't make him, just have him sign over his rights. If he won't, I would be checking into lawyers. He was there when this whole thing took place, and he needs to take responsibility. If he can't do that, then he doesn't need to be involved in you or your child's life. I mean, do you really want that type of role model for your child? I wouldn't. But I hope this helps. If he really is not going to be of any help to you, then how much help do you think he will be to your child? Just think about it hun. You gotta do what's right for you... We will all support you! Hope that helps. Welcome to JM!
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  #13  
May 31st, 2005, 07:03 AM
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Sounds like the legal system isn't his friend. Maybe you should go through Legal Aid, get a court order for a DNA test, and begin paperwork for child support. If he won't be there for you emotionally, start showing him you will make him be there financially. I have heard of judges ordering medical forms to be filled out.

I am so mean.
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  #14  
May 31st, 2005, 11:56 AM
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I'm happy to hear that your family and friends are behind you and supporting you. I'm sure that doesn't take the place of the father (if you can call him that) supporting you. Right now the important thing to do is to concentrate on your health and the health of your unborn child. It does seem like the father is being immature, and I know you want to think he may come around, and maybe he will. But in the mean time, I would concentrate on yourself!!!!!!!!

Good Luck!!!!
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  #16  
June 2nd, 2005, 11:57 AM
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I can relate to what you are saying hun, one of the guys out of the 2 possibility's of being my baby's father, really hates me too. one is happy and the other hates me. but I can't do anything to change him... he's 21 and acts like a 2 year old.
But I know how you are feeling
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  #17  
June 3rd, 2005, 12:03 PM
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Quote:
That my kid isnt even here yet an already not wanted.[/b]
That's not true. YOU want the baby, right?

If he didn't want any more kids, there's a little operation he should have gone to the doctor for. This is not solely YOUR fault!

Also (IMO) The child should get your last name, without a question!

I hate seeing women deal with this situation. We are forced to grow up while men can just walk away like they had no part in creating a baby. I am sorry you have to go through this and I hope you can find the support that you need.
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  #18  
June 5th, 2005, 07:47 AM
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A little update....Mitch is supposed to have his son for the summer, but cant b/c he doesnt have a babysitter and he asked Mark to ask me to baby sit & me being nice and wanting him to have his son, I said yes. The same night I saw him on a date. I got so angry. He cant even speak to me face to face and he goes on a date with some ugly b*tch. Jami told me to go leave a note on the door, but I am done with notes and I am done bein nice. If he thinks I am just gonna continue to be sweet and nice and blah blah blah...he has another thing coming.
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  #19  
June 6th, 2005, 09:20 AM
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DROP HIM!!!! I mean complete freeze out! You and the baby are worth SOOO much more than this jerk is treating you. DO NOT babysit for him....that isn't a way to try to work things out, it is a way to let him use you and for you to keep having contact with him that leads to stress is NOT good for you and the baby. As hard as it is you really must completely distance yourself from him. If he comes around it can't be because you convinced him too...he has to do it on his own.

I have a very dear friend who became pg at 17 and the father behaved similiar to this guy. She finally (with support from her family) froze him out completely. The good thing about that is that since she wasn't spending time on this jerk she ended up meeting the man who adopted her baby and she has been married to for over 15 years now.

Please don't do this to yourself. He isn't worth it!

Kathryn
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  #20  
June 6th, 2005, 06:15 PM
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Ok well I went and talked to him tonight trying to be an adult and a least let him know I didnt sleep with *John Doe*. He said he didnt give a ###### and that he was tired of all the grief and i told him grief when my entire family looks at me differently now and by this time I was screaming and he was yelling telling me I needed to leave him alone, and I told him I hadnt talked to him since May 10th when I freakin told him I was pregnant. That is when he told me I needed to leave and I was like ok this is the way you are gonna be you better get a ###### good lawyer and I will take you for every bit of child support I can and be prepared to reinburse the state for a ###### DNA test.....I am so pissed and I dont know what to do. I think I am gonna go insane. Never in my life have I hated someone so much. I wanted to like slap the sh_t out of him. What do I do....I can tell my blood preasure is up and I feel really really sick. Someone HELP me please.
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