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  #1  
February 2nd, 2007, 09:20 AM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 10
Hello. Some of you may recognize this post. I posted in "I want a baby but my partner doesn't"
But, my post disappeared. So, I am posting again in this board.

Hi. I'm 20 years old (21 in April). My fiance is 20 years old as well.
We're both students. We both have jobs. He only works 3 days a week on $7.82 an hour and I work work study at my college...which means I get paid bare minimum only once a month.

I just found out I am pregnant a week ago.
It has hit us both hard.
I had an abortion for my first pregnancy in August. That hit me hard. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but now I look back on it and I can't believe I did it. Every time I see a baby I regret it.
My fiance is pushing for another abortion. He has his reasons.
His reasons being:

-Money. We're both students, and as you can see about where we work now we're not exactly making the big bucks.

-His parents. His parents are strict. They almost threw him out of the house one day for yelling. So, if we told them we're pregnant then they would more than likely kick us both out. (I live with his parents).

-He wants our plans to work out. We're both going to school and he's worried that we'll have to quit. In fact, he told me that if we kept the baby then he would quit and he would probably have to work a dead-end job for the rest of his life.

We have NO money. We have maybe $100 in savings. And nothing in checking.
I'm just wondering if anyone else is on government assistance. And if you are, what are you on? Welfare? Some other type of assistance?
Has this helped you out a lot?
Is anyone in school while pregnant? Is anyone in school after giving birth? Where did you place your child if you are in school after giving birth? What about the father? Is he in school?
How did you let your partner know that you wanted to keep your baby? Has anyone kept their baby even if your partner was totally against it and wanted abortion?

Sorry about all of the questions. I'm just a really curious person. Plus, it'll help me out a lot if some, if not all, my questions are answered!
Thank you so much!
  #2  
February 2nd, 2007, 10:15 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 751
Well, I can't tell you what is the right decision for you and ultimately it is your decision, but if you have feelings of regret after having had an abortion not long ago, abortion may not be the right choice for you this time around.

As far as gov't assitance - I'm not on it, but I know a lot of people who are and there is no shame in using it while you're in need. You can get housing, cash assistance, medical, food, etc....for both you and your boyfriend, but if you decide to keep the baby I would look into it and be prepared for when you tell his parents incase they kick you out.

Also, you can both continue school while you are and pregnant and you should have no problem going back after the baby is born...there is even assistance to pay with daycare etc. and being a student you should qualify for all kinds of help.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy to have a child while you're still young yourself, and in school, and trying to make a living, but there are people out there to support you and programs to help you if you choose to keep the baby. Explore your options

I also want to ad that my sons father practically begged me to have an abortion when I was pregnant with him. I absolutely refused (as I had a previous abortion that I still regret to this day) and I could not be happier with my decision to bring my son into this world. Things were rough at first, but they have only gotten better, and though we're not together any longer, my sons dad is happy he's here too.
  #3  
February 2nd, 2007, 01:42 PM
Mommyof2Girls's Avatar Veteran
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Location: California
Posts: 147
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I have two daughters, the first one my ex wanted, the second he wanted me to abort. I couldn't do it, I'm pro-choice, but it's not what I wanted. It's very hard, but I feel like it's totally worth it. I left my ex when I was four months pregnant with my now two year old daughter. I worked two full time jobs until I was eight months pregnant with her and my doctor put me on disability from one of them and I continued to work my other job until she was born (my older daughter was one at the time so I had her to look after too). Since the baby was about seven months old I have been back in school. I did my pre-reqs at the community college and now go to a private college full time.

I had to quit my job when I started the program I'm in and went on Welfare. I get about $680 a month from Welfare, plus I get reimbursed for the gas I use to drive to school every day. I also get about $300 a month in food stamps, there is also WIC that would give you food vouchers while you are pregnant and breastfeeding or formula is you formula feed your baby. There is low income housing too, they have apartment complexes here that make your rent 20% of your monthly income or they have Section 8, I don't know how that works but I knew a girl who had a four bedroom house for only like $90 a month and the government pays the rest, but that has a really really long waiting list.

I didn't go to school while pregnant, but I know girls who have. My friend is in a nursing program and was only out for a week to have her daughter then went back to finish. I have been going for almost a year to my full time program and taking care of the girls as well. They go to daycare while I'm at school, they have been going since the baby was six weeks old. The county pays for my daycare as well. I also have enough grants to cover all my tuition for school ($24,000 for a two year program) so I haven't had to worry about that.

My ex and I broke up for a different reason then me keeping the baby. I just told him I couldn't do it and that was it. I am with someone else now and he has stepped up and been helping me raise my daughters since their dad won't. I still get government assistance since my boyfriend doesn't make enough to take care of all three of us, but he does help me as much as he can. There is a lot out there that will help you if you decide to keep the baby. Don't feel like your life will be over because you have a baby and definitely don't let him pressure you into getting another abortion if you don't want to. I did this with two kids by myself for a long time, you just have to learn to juggle it all.
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  #4  
February 2nd, 2007, 05:04 PM
debriot
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Have you considered adoption?
  #5  
February 2nd, 2007, 05:45 PM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 10
We have both considered adoption and we're both against it. So, my fiance would rather I end the pregnancy than to give it up for adoption. I'm against adoption because I wouldn't want my child away from me.
I'm so worried about telling him I want to keep it (again..I already did twice before..)
Thanks for all of the advice so far! I really appreciate it.
  #6  
February 2nd, 2007, 05:54 PM
yammie
Guest
Posts: n/a
I dont have a lot of advice to offer you as far as money goes because I am in Canada.. but I just wanted to let your know I am sorry for your loss in august.. you may regret it but you cannot turn back time so move forward with your life and make everyday as good as possible. I know it would be even harder to live with two abortions under your belt but you have to take care of yourself and if you can figure out a way to have this baby and want this baby then go for it. All you can do is understand that the first baby and possibly this one lost their life in order for their other sibiling to have a better life than what they could have had. I hope that no matter what your decision you and your fiance are more careful in the future.. two abortions are hard enough three would be impossible.. the situation is avoidable.. and I am so sorry youre faced with this choice. I wish you all the luck and wisdom you need to make this choice.
  #7  
February 2nd, 2007, 09:48 PM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 19,638
Government assistance is so nice, and when you work, it's something you pay for anyhow, so why not put your tax dollars to work for you? I'm covered under Medicaid for this entire pregnancy. Just something to think about.

You're in my thoughts... I hope you make the correct decision for you.
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Writer, Navy wife, autistic mom of two autistic kids (E is 6, C is 5).

  #8  
February 3rd, 2007, 04:44 AM
first_time_mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: ireland
Posts: 5,136
I'm also 20 and a student. i'm 15 weeks pregnant, my bf is 21 and is a student too. I'm still in school, i'm not entirely sure what i'm gonna do after i have the baby, but i intend to finish this year.

thankfully, my bf is finished school this year and will be going to full time employment, so money is a little bit more flexable for me. as for welfare, I'm in Ireland so its different, but i'll be pretty stable for a while after i have my baby.

we had considered an abortion, and my bf was more for it than me, and even tho i wasnt happy about it, i was going to go ahead. then he changed his mind. he got used to the idea and is now the most supportive and loving partner.

I really hope everything works out for you, i know its so hard. but if you want this baby then you have to stand up for yourself. you regret your previous abortion,you'll prob regret this one too. I'm pro choice, so dont think i'm giving you an abortion lecture, i'm just going on what you've said. you deserve to be happy and things always have a way of working themselves out.

keep us updated, and congratulations.
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  #9  
February 3rd, 2007, 08:04 PM
Ava+Bryce's_Mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: KENTUCKY
Posts: 10,384
I'm sorry you are having a tough time making these decsions. But I dont really understand why you would rather end your childs life, than letting he/she live a happy life, whether it be with you or someone else, as in adoption! It would be harder for me personaly; in my opinion to abort a child than to let someone else give it a wonderful life that I could not provide it with.....If you do decide to keep this baby, that doesnt mean you or your BF has to drop out of school or be stuck in a "dead end" job the rest of your lives, it just means that you two are going to have to work extremely harder than what you would if you didnt have this child....Good luck with whatever decision that you decide on....you are in my thoughts and prayers....
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  #10  
February 4th, 2007, 01:25 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 789
In my opinion I don't think you should abort this baby. You aborted your previous pregnancy, living with the guilt and regret of it now. If you do that again it will only become worse, and I will tell you this because my friend had an abortion the lady told her to really consider it because it can decrease her chances in having another child. If that is true I am not sure, but that was what she was told. She went through with it and now we barely speak because her and I were pregnant around the same time. She sees me with my child and wishes she had hers. It is a scarey thing at first. My son was planned and I was still scared, but in time you will become happy to the idea. It ain't easy either! I remember how easy it was for me to clean, or do laundry I now have a 13 month old who likes to "help" mommy! Even though life is hard for me now, I love my son to death and would do anything for him. I don't regret him he is my miricale child! I think you should do what is right for you, but if you have another abortion please be safe in not getting pregnant again. It is sad how you can keep getting pregnant and not wanting the babies and then there are those out there who can't get pregnant and want a baby. Just be more careful with having sex with your boyfriend. Good luck in your decision!
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  #11  
February 5th, 2007, 10:03 AM
monkey71786's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Haltom City
Posts: 519
Quote:
Hello. Some of you may recognize this post. I posted in "I want a baby but my partner doesn't"
But, my post disappeared. So, I am posting again in this board.

Hi. I'm 20 years old (21 in April). My fiance is 20 years old as well.
We're both students. We both have jobs. He only works 3 days a week on $7.82 an hour and I work work study at my college...which means I get paid bare minimum only once a month.

I just found out I am pregnant a week ago.
It has hit us both hard.
I had an abortion for my first pregnancy in August. That hit me hard. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but now I look back on it and I can't believe I did it. Every time I see a baby I regret it.
My fiance is pushing for another abortion. He has his reasons.
His reasons being:

-Money. We're both students, and as you can see about where we work now we're not exactly making the big bucks.

-His parents. His parents are strict. They almost threw him out of the house one day for yelling. So, if we told them we're pregnant then they would more than likely kick us both out. (I live with his parents).

-He wants our plans to work out. We're both going to school and he's worried that we'll have to quit. In fact, he told me that if we kept the baby then he would quit and he would probably have to work a dead-end job for the rest of his life.

We have NO money. We have maybe $100 in savings. And nothing in checking.
I'm just wondering if anyone else is on government assistance. And if you are, what are you on? Welfare? Some other type of assistance?
Has this helped you out a lot?
Is anyone in school while pregnant? Is anyone in school after giving birth? Where did you place your child if you are in school after giving birth? What about the father? Is he in school?
How did you let your partner know that you wanted to keep your baby? Has anyone kept their baby even if your partner was totally against it and wanted abortion?

Sorry about all of the questions. I'm just a really curious person. Plus, it'll help me out a lot if some, if not all, my questions are answered!
Thank you so much! [/b]



i am on wic with my son and myself and there is also medicade that you can get on that covers you and yours baby heath care. I was on that also. there are pregnancy centers that you can go to and talk to some one that is trained to help you out. They talk about all your options and give you a lot of resorces that you can use.
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  #12  
February 5th, 2007, 01:31 PM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 10
Thank you for all your kind comments and advice so far.
My fiance and I had a talk the other night and it was decided that we're going to have an abortion.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I still believe this will be a mistake. I don't know what to do.
I only agreed to an abortion because he was saying how bad his life was and that he had thought about suicide before.
I don't really want to give up this baby, but now I think I may have to!
What should I do???? I don't want to ruin his life and I don't want him to hurt himself, but I don't want to get rid of this baby either.
Thanks.
  #13  
February 5th, 2007, 02:04 PM
monkey71786's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Haltom City
Posts: 519
Quote:
Thank you for all your kind comments and advice so far.
My fiance and I had a talk the other night and it was decided that we're going to have an abortion.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I still believe this will be a mistake. I don't know what to do.
I only agreed to an abortion because he was saying how bad his life was and that he had thought about suicide before.
I don't really want to give up this baby, but now I think I may have to!
What should I do???? I don't want to ruin his life and I don't want him to hurt himself, but I don't want to get rid of this baby either.
Thanks.[/b]
if your fiance is talking about hurting himself, he needs to go and see someone to talk to. I have family that has done this and they had to be put on antidepressants. have him go talk to someone before you decide on the abortion. Depression is a big thing and can make you say things that you really don't mean. Just have him talk to a shrink about what is going on and see what happens after that.
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  #14  
February 5th, 2007, 02:24 PM
Mommyof2Girls's Avatar Veteran
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Posts: 147
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Hunny, you just told another girl not to have an abortion because it's what her boyfriend wants and I really think you should take your own advice! If your boyfriend doesn't want this baby and you do, maybe it's time to say goodbye? He may be depressed and feeling sorry for how bad he thinks his life is, but how is your mental status going to be after a second abortion, especially if you know that you don't want to have one? I hate to say it, but maybe if your boyfriend didn't want a baby so much he should have kept it in his pants! Sorry if I sound mean, but I'm trying my best to be honest and nice at the same time. Don't let love blind you enough into doing something that you're going to regret! If you don't want him to feel his life is ruined or him to hurt himself and you want to keep your baby, maybe it's time to say goodbye until he can learn how to be a responsible adult.
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  #15  
February 5th, 2007, 02:31 PM
Ava+Bryce's_Mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: KENTUCKY
Posts: 10,384
Quote:
Thank you for all your kind comments and advice so far.
My fiance and I had a talk the other night and it was decided that we're going to have an abortion.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I still believe this will be a mistake. I don't know what to do.
I only agreed to an abortion because he was saying how bad his life was and that he had thought about suicide before.
I don't really want to give up this baby, but now I think I may have to!
What should I do???? I don't want to ruin his life and I don't want him to hurt himself, but I don't want to get rid of this baby either.
Thanks.[/b]

Things like this really make me angry!!!!
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  #16  
February 5th, 2007, 03:18 PM
Mom2LinaNangels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,170
I told myself I was going to stay out of this, but I have to say something now. When I was 16 years old in high school I had an abortion. It is and always will be the biggest regret in my life. The guilt ate me alive and I wound up being pregnant a year and a half later. Well I wanted that baby and she was stillborn fullterm. I felt like God was punishing me for having an abortion. I than had a miscarriage after her. I finally had a daughter in 2004 and she is the most amazing thing in the world to me. I don't know what my life would be without her. It makes me feel even worse that I never gave the chance to my first baby and gave it up. I was scared and confused. I knew my parents would flip. I am now trying to get pregnant again and had another miscarriage. I always say to my now fiance, if you knew this would happen, would you of ever let me have that abortion? Of course if we could turn back time we would never do it again. I am totally pro-choice and sometimes it just seems like the right thing to do. It was my biggest regret though. My problem with you though is that you just had an abortion and got pregnant again and still don't want the baby. You have no concept of a life. Come over to the ttc after a loss board and see if your decision would be the same. I can understand if you decided you made a mistake and wanted another, but you still want to have an abortion. Why not just close your legs and not get pregnant? I can't say much, because I too had an abortion, but I feel the pain for it. If you are willing to do it again than you don't have any guilt in my opinion. And if your bf is saying he is going to kill himself than I think he needs help. Maybe you should go to a college counselor and get some help. Oh and I am in nursing school working my butt off with a 2.5 year old and my fiance has a great job. I used medicaid and WIC when I was pregnant 4 years ago, I won't lie. It can be done!!
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  #17  
February 5th, 2007, 04:34 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 10
You don't understand.
I DON'T want the abortion. I only agreed to it because my fiance was talking about hurting himself. I had the first abortion because I was scared and naive of how I could get help with the pregnancy. I regretted it after.
I don't want the abortion. I am just asking for advice on how to deal with this. I don't want an abortion, but I don't want my fiance to hurt himself. That's all I'm asking.
Thanks.
  #18  
February 5th, 2007, 05:50 PM
Mom2LinaNangels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,170
Quote:
You don't understand.
I DON'T want the abortion. I only agreed to it because my fiance was talking about hurting himself. I had the first abortion because I was scared and naive of how I could get help with the pregnancy. I regretted it after.
I don't want the abortion. I am just asking for advice on how to deal with this. I don't want an abortion, but I don't want my fiance to hurt himself. That's all I'm asking.
Thanks.[/b]
I told you what I thought, go to a counselor! If he wants to kill himself over having a child, imagine if something that is actually terrible happens. If you want the baby, but will have an abortion because of him than oviously he doesn't care much about your feelings, because you will be the one to live with that. And if you do have another abortion, well than that is your choice and sit back and think about it for the rest of your life. Please don't use abortion as a birth control next time, it is sad that so many do, including myself. All I can say is I was young and dumb, but I sure as heck wouldn't do it again. Those docs make you think it is a clump of cells. Well guess what I saw my babies heartbeat at 6 weeks my 2nd pregnancy! I could of killed myself at that moment
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  #19  
February 5th, 2007, 06:05 PM
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Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
I have a feeling this will get closed very soon so I am just going to jump in...First of all I just want to say I don't think it is fair to bash this girl and tell her she has no concept of life-she is facing a very tough descision right now and needs support not judgement

Hun, I have been where you are. I also have had a much regretted abortion in my past, and this April found out I was pregnant...my boyfriend did not want the baby, told me that he was not ready to be a father, made threats on his life and mine if I kept the baby. I called planned parenthood and made the appontment for a D&C...but something tugged at my heart, told me it was the wrong choice to make. It's probobly the same inner voice you are hearing right now. Anyways, I decided not to terminate and now have a beautiful one month old daughter. Her father decided not to stick around, unfortunately, but I never for one second regret my descision...being a mother is the most amazing thing in the world and I thank God every night that I didn't let him talk me into that descision. I can't tell you what to do, only share my experience and offer you my support. I think you know in your heart what is right for you, I would hate to see you make a descision that you would regret for the rest of your life.

PLEASE PM me if you want to talk more about this....and
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Those who love me know how to reach me...it's been real ladies, peace and love!!
  #20  
February 5th, 2007, 07:16 PM
yammie
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You need to get out of your relationship or get him help.. anyone who threatens to kill themselves because of a choice you make is a horribly sick person. I would honestly leave him and have the baby. SCREW HIM how dare he. Yes this is his child too I understand that.. and you love him.. but how much does he really love you to emotionally bribe you. Tell him youre keeping the baby and getting him counselling for suicidal thoughts. What a manipulative jerk! If you really feel you cant have the abortion DONT if it will haunt you your whole life its not worth it. What a man he is.. he screwed up too he had sex with you knowing it could happen. It's not fair for his life to rest in your hands. Anyway sorry I just cannot beleive what an immature horrible person he is to do that to you.
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